Ex on Facebook

[jherald02]

My wife of 6 years has her ex boyfriend from High School on her Facebook Friend list.

I can't help but feel a little jealous of this. When we were first dating, she used to tell me how great this guy was until I told her that it made me uncomfortable.

Here's how it transpired. He sent her a friend request. She told me about it and I said that it was up to her whether she accepted it or not. She is the type that doesn't want to make anyone mad so she accepted it on the premise that she wouldn't talk to him. For a few weeks there was no contact in either direction. Now he is starting to comment on her posts and I can't help but feel that it is going to snowball from here.

Is it ok for him to be on her friend list or am I just being silly?

Please help as I am thinking about this alot and I'm afraid it will take a hard toll on our marriage.

[bluesummer]

Oh please. I have all my my exes as facebook friends, including my ex-husband. My fiance does as well. So what?

The only reason this would take a toll on your marriage is if you were extremely insecure. Unless your wife has mentioned something along the lines of leaving you for this person, I think you need to back off.

[Yggdrasil]

Jealousy is an emotion and typically refers to the negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, and anxiety over an anticipated loss of something that the person values, such as a relationship, friendship, or love. Jealousy often consists of a combination of emotions such as anger, sadness, and disgust.

My advice: if you have good communication with your spouse, talk to her about it. Be honest and tell her how you feel about it. Don't argue or yell or scream, have an honest open adult conversation with her. That's part of a good healthy relation. If she loves you and respects you I am quite sure she'll understand.

I also would suggest to look deeper into the roots of this feeling of jealousy. If you trust your spouse 100%, that feeling simply shouldn't be there.

[Spring Haze]

The only thing that may take a toll on your marriage is your lack of trust in your wife. It just happened to rear its ugly head due to this circumstance.

Why are you looking at his comments anyway if it bothers you so much?

[Rollerderby]

She told you. She could have not. She told you because she wanted to be honest with you.

It was wrong of her to talk an ex up. But that doesn't mean she is going to leave you for him or have an affair. Don't snoop. Trust her. You could have said to her that you weren't sure if you were comfortable being friends on facebook, but if she chose to friend him anyway it's her choice.

It's facebook. Why don't you friend him and say "hey, it's _____ husband! How are you!"

[lesa]

That's the game of Facebook it seems. You either play it or don't (aka accept it or don't get on Facebook).

[Illusional]

you're being silly because she chose to marry YOU and not him.

raverboy

[Volk]

Don't obsess over it, it is probably nothing. Just casually monitor it, if it gets too much; act.
Keep things fresh with your wife, too. Just in case of any doubts.

[Raze]

Trust your wife. If he starts flirting with her, then that's when I would draw the line.

[Lana]

Hi, Jherald02!

Sounds like the problems is much more in your head than 'out there'. Why do you anticipate such a bad turn of events? I guess it's because she used to talk about him in a positive way? It was a long time ago and doesn't mean anything. Now she is committed to you and you are the most important thing in her life.

On sites like Facebook it is easy to connect with anyone you have ever known. I have all sorts of people on my list, including those who I know very little and those I was more or less involved with in the past, but it doesn't affect my everyday life in any way.

She asked you, if it was ok with you, so she is honest with you and cares about your opinion.

Unsubstantiated suspicions and accusations can damage relationships.

[alovehangoverr]

I do think ex's can be friends, but it's also playing with fire in some cases.

Personally, I wouldn't risk making my partner feel uncomfortable by becoming friends with an ex.. especially if I'm married. It's not really worth it.

I also found it odd that she added him but promised she wouldn't talk to him-- that's sort of laughable.. it's a site all about communication and reconnecting with people. He didn't add her so she could ignore him-- it's ridiculous she'd think they wouldn't talk.