What is wrong with me this time?

[shenmue]

alright short recap cause lots of you already know the situation.

btw-part of this long recounting talks of rape, I didn't rape anyone and never would- but if that bothers anyone too much don't read further.

long time ago- lil under a year- I fell madly in love with this girl I meat at my then martial arts dojo. She didn't feel the same way- and delighted in causing me pain, sueezing another guy's butt in front of me for example and other things. Jane and some others really helped me through this time, for which I'll always be grateful. I eventually met a girl online, though she lives 2 hours from me, and we fell in love and I lost my virginity to her. I wanted a commitment right away, and we'd talked marriage. We had a fight after she had been talking to her ex online, after he had treated her like garbage. She's adopted, and her brith mother wants little to nothing to do with her, and her adoptive father treats her like garbage. When she was away at college she was having anal sex with a guy, and she was screaming and crying loudly at the top of her lungs cause it hurt so bad, but he kept going, which I consider rape. Afterwards she found out she was pregnant and had an abortion, then came back home and met me a few months later. After the argument I felt like I wanted to end it with her.I went to break it off but she started screaming and crying and begging me to stay with her. It was terrible, like the dying scream you hear in saving private ryan, that much emotion and pain. So I stayed. Now I have felt a little different toward her and us since the argument. I started taking this stupid speech class and what I noticed is that at this college there are beautiful women everywhere, and I now have confidence in myself, and am tough enough to not get hurt whenever I am rejected by a girl, like I tried talking to a girl and it turned out she was taken but it didn't bother me much.

[shenmue]

So now that I see all these girls, I find myself extremely attracted to them. I feel terrible about this but I am going to ask some of them out. I don't really want to marry my girlfriend anymore at times, I feel very confused about this. One thing that gets me is that when I do settle down, I want to have been with at least more than one woman. I'd like to see what else is out there. Is that so wrong? maybe. But the thing is, my girlfriend truly loves me and is a great person who has had an extraordinary amount of pain, and is very fragile. I'm not going to break it off with her or tell her I feel differently for her sake. I just feel bad doing this behind her back, but she'll be leaving for college after fall, I'll graduate around summer and then spend three months in the academy. Driving out to her place is too much for my car, and dating her takes all my money, it's a strain. I do love her and always will no matter if she does leave me. I just feel bad wanting other women, and the guilt is so bad that I nearly break down, today I had tears in my eyes out in public, it just exploded. I feel like my heart mind and penis are in a war against each other. Any thoughts? Opinions? Advice? thanks for listening.

[shenmue]

I never wanted anything more than to find "the one" but now I do, and it bothers me. I feel like some kind of pig like clinton was.

[sfalexi]

I never wanted anything more than to find "the one" but now I do, and it bothers me.

Don't let it bother you. People change. Obviously, you HAVE changed from when you first met her till now. It's not something to feel bad about, it's just something that happened.

You just have to level with her. Tell her that you aren't ready to settle anymore. You've changed. It's not her, it's just that you feel like crap because you feel like you need to get out and enjoy the single life more than you have in the past. It's nothing from her, just that you've changed (you're probably gonna have to reiterate this a lot).

Good luck. Maybe others have other ideas of what to do and/or how to do it. No sense in RUSHING off tomorrow.

Rod Steele

[Fawn]

I don't want to be rude or sarcastic or anything, but umm thats my avatar????

[m0by]

lol. Holy cow! It's a twin!

[Breezy18]

I'd like to see what else is out there. Is that so wrong?

Better to feel this way before marriage than after. So many people make the mistake of settling down before they realize just what they want in a relationship or their SO. Alexi's right, people change and she deserve's to know that your needs and desires have. It's not bad. It happens all the time to good people. Don't trap yourself in a relationship because you feel bad and then carry on behind her back. That's far worse than anything you might tell her now. And if you DID stay with her out of loyalty or whatever, eventually you are going to resent her for it, and that's not fair.