Serious advice needed from all girls! Pls help

[stirredup]

Hey! I really need some serious advice from all girls on this forum.

I was in a long (4 years) relationship, which recently went bad,as my girlfriend broke up with me. Prime reason for the break up was two fold: for the last two years we have been living in different countries, which in-turn strangulated the communication aspect of the relationship. I was emotionally dependent on her and once she got really busy in her work etc, she was not able to devote time to me. This led to frequent misunderstandings etc. (I guess its a typical problem!)

After much discussion etc (after we broke up) she agreed to give me another chance. She has said that if things do improve between us in the next five months, she will be back with me! 'Improve' implies that we don't fight as much and also she feels comfortable with me (there is no dearth for love!). I love her a lot and would do anything to get her back!

But here are the problems:
1. We still are in different countries (and will remain for the next 5 months); however i can visit her after 4 months
2. I have improved in terms of emotional stability, but how do i convey it her?
3. What else can i do so that she comes back to me?

request you all to help me out in this and pls share what would u expect your boyfriend to do!

Ps: Pls dont advice me to leave her!

[sunnyangel]

I have a question after all this- why do you live in different countries? There is no possibility to be together in one country?
It's too hard to have good and growing relationships based only on internet communication. Its ok till the moment you want to be huged, kissed, cared, safed etc from person you love. as you are not there she can look for all this from someone who is closer... And there are misunderstandings and everything else,...

[stirredup]

I have a question after all this- why do you live in different countries? There is no possibility to be together in one country?
It's too hard to have good and growing relationships based only on internet communication. Its ok till the moment you want to be huged, kissed, cared, safed etc from person you love. as you are not there she can look for all this from someone who is closer... And there are misunderstandings and everything else,...

I am trying to get to the country that she lives in (USA). She went there to do her masters and i was doing my masters in my home country. I have been trying really hard to get to USA, so i that i can be close to her, but that would take time (atleast 4-5 months).
Its not really that she wants to be with someone closer (which she clearly said), but that she thinks that with all the miscommunications it would have been tough for her to continue!

[honeyb]

You have to just wait it out and show her why she fell in love with you in the first place.

I'm a girl going through the same thing. I'm having a long distance relationship and a month ago we decided to plan to move in together. After we decide to plan this the relationship started to rot, we started arguing alot over stupid things, which we never did before and other things it got really bad. So I pulled the plug because if we're arguing now it will be 10 times worse if he moves all the way to London and then we fight all the time. Now his trying to prove to me that it will be o.k and slow it down no need to rush. She like me probably just wants to see the relationship back where it was before you started fight. Just try to avoid arguing, don't pressure her too much, don't be overly needy and just relax. If it's meant to be it will be.

[Artemis]

Long distance relationships like yours can work out fine if there's a solid base to them. It sounds to me like you've been making that happen, so kudos! As far as telling her you're less dependent, don't. Show her with how you act. Tell her about things you're doing to help yourself and/or better yourself, and don't ask her where she's been, etc. Always be happy to hear from her of course, but clinginess won't help your cause. If you have dreams and aspirations, and are truly happy with your life, that will be the most attractive to her. A man who has his life together is attractive indeed. So don't go about it by "how can I get her back?" Go about it by taking care of yourself, and let the rest fall into place.

[curves222]

Long distance relationships are awful and very challenging! But can be done. I successfully managed one for one year. We also lived in two different countries and about 1500 miles away. Plus, to make it worse, we MET online. So we didn't even have a base to start with.

One important thing that you should both keep in mind is that it can be SO easy to misunderstand a text, e-mail, or chat. You can't see facial expressions or hear the tone of voice, which can often better convey the words. Also, don't spend your time moping over and missing her. Of course, you can't help but have some of that, but have your own life, too! You won't be as clingy if you are out of the house having fun, doing charity work, practicing a sport, or whatever it is you like to do. Plus, the more you do on your own, the more you will have to talk or write about to her. That will prove better than anything that you are in things because you LOVE her, not because you are emotionally dependent on her

[stirredup]

thats what i am hoping for..i am in touch with her, but keeping my contact to usual chit chats..i dnt talk to her about getting back or anything..i just generally talk..i am not really emotionally dependent on her now (i firmly realisee it now)..and just hope that it get conveys to her...

wish me luck!

n thank u all for useful advice!

others, please feel free to share more...