Old Habits (really long one sorry)

[belle7]

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Hi, im hoping for some advice, and maybe things to do to stop this happening again..
basically whats happened is.....

when i was younger (16-20ish) i was with many guys, mainly because i went from one guy or another because either they dumped me and i moved on straight away (and not allowing myself to get over it so to speak) or i moved on (liking but not doing anything about it) to another guy therfore i would then break up with one guy and move straight onto the other...
i did when i was about 19 kiss another guy when i was in a relationship with someone else. i was very drunk (no excuse at all) the guy wanted it to go further but i felt so bad about kissing and cheating i couldnt go any further... straight away the next day i did tell the other guy, and i never hid it at all (i then later found out that guy had been cheating on me for months!!!
anyway...
whenever i got bored in a relationship or i saw someone "better" so to speak i would move on, leave that guy and then that would be it id start the cycle again...

there was one guy who i absoulutely adored. i wanted to marry him, and i honestly thought he felt the same way. he broke up with me... i was beside myself. i cryed for months (this was the longest i had been single for years!!!)
i finally picked myself up and began dating again, and from then on i always did the whole comparing thing....
still i continued to like one guy to another....
i finally thought right i need to sort myself out, and had a break from guys...
this went on for a while, with me having a couple of relationships, but still at the thought of this one particular guy, if a song came on the radio that reminded me of him, id be in tears, it would get to the point where i would be finally start to feel better and then he would contact me....
this went on for 5 years. with me spending the last few years (while i was single) crying myself to sleep...
there was such a spark with him..
i remember seeing a guy in a coffee shop that looked exactly like him, so i gave this guy (perfect stranger) my phone number in the hope that i could be with someone that looked like him....
anyway, i decided enough is enoigh i need to travel get out and have some fun.
i was then contacted by him to say he was coming up my way on a trip around the country (australia where i am from) and that he wanted to see me...
this was of course tears, people telling me i shouldnt see him etc...
but of course i did... but finally for once in my many years of being obsessed with him. i felt like i could walk away and move on...
to me it didnt look like he was ever going to tell me he felt the same.

i moved over here, met a really nice guy, began to see him. and now we are married.
6 months after we got married, he had an affair. i was so hurt.... he became "bored" so to speak, and thought i wasnt into anything "different" in the closed door section, all because i made a sill comment about something one of his ex's did... admittedly we didnt have the best communication so we totally got in the wrong place...
i made the decision to give the relationship another go... as long as he didnt go on seeing this other girl, and that we would work on our relationship...
i believe ever since then, i am getting to trust him again, i dont think that he will ever have an affair again. but i feel like we have lost our "spark" therefore now im feeling like we are not going anywhere..... its been 2 years since the affair happened. and im feeling like its always me that has to initiate sex, when he is in the mood... i cant get him in the mood if he isnt, and its always pretty much got to be in the morning, or he doesnt feel like it...
we barely have sex, we are never all over each other that we have to ahve it right now... (like you see so many other people doing) and i feel so rubbish that ive started to feel bored.....

back to the other guy, i was talking to him on facebook yesterday and out of the blue, he finally declared that his life is a screw up because he never told me how he felt, and he regrets it so much. and that he called his last girlfriend by my name...... i was gob smacked.... i didnt know what to say, and quickly got offline...
since then my head has been a mess.... why couldnt he have said that all those years ago!!! i was so Peeved!!!!!!!!!!

i now dont know what to do... i want my marriage to work, and there wouldnt be any way that i would go back to who i was with.. but im feeling like my old habbits are setting in... im begining to get bored with life, and look at other guys.....
this is so wrong, and i hate it...

please help me.

[Gigabitch]

This is what I think:

1) Your marriage is ****ed. You should get out.

2) You should stay away from the One That Got Away until you're completely single and available. Tell him you're having some issues and you'll be in touch later. You don't want to get any of the mess on him.