Help! Need to know what my ex's actions and words mean!!

[JDucl]

Hi there,

I'm new to this forum and need some insight.

My boyfriend and I broke up in July of this year and my boyfriend was the one who brought up the breakup and wanted to split apart and yet remain good friends saying he cared for me and loved me but wasn't "in love" with me. We were together for 6 years and lived together for 5 of those years and had 2 pets together. We cut off communication (except to clean our old apartment for a few days) for about a month. Recently, however, over the last few weeks, we have been talking a little and hanging out a few times each week.

This confusion I am experiencing all started about 3 weeks ago when I was out at a club with a friend. I guess I drunk dialed him while he was out drinking with friends crying and saying I "missed him so much". He stayed on the phone with me at that time to calm me down and then we hung up since he was with his friends. Once he left his friends at the end of the night, he called me back saying he wanted to see me, so I met up with him and we talked over food and coffee where he told me he really missed me a lot as well and hated seeing me so sad. We ended up going to back to his place where we slept together and he kept telling me how much he missed me. A few hours later I had to get up to leave and told him I had to go back home since i couldn't leave my best friend who was visiting from out of town alone at my house. He cuddled with me for a second and gave me a huge hug and then as he walked me to the door to say goodbye, I saw a few tears well up in his eyes before he closed the door.

The week and a half after, I made contact with him to ask him if he wanted to see a free movie screening with me. He agreed and once we were at the theatre, he put the arm rest up (which he always did in the past to be closer to me and put his arm around me) even though he didn't do that. We were both hungry so we split a hotdog. Instead of cutting it in half or tearing it in two pieces, he fed me a few bites. We then went out to dinner where I said I wanted to try a piece of his food and I was grabbing my fork to get my own bite, but before I could do it he used his own fork and fed me again. Leaving the restaurant he put his arm around me and gave me a long side hug. I said I felt like getting something sweet like stopping by to get some ice cream and he invited me over to his house where he said he had some in his freezer that we could share and maybe watch a movie. We watched a movie, but that was it and we sat in separate chairs and I then went home with just a hug goodnight. We went to a concert 1.5 hours out of town the next night where he drove up and he told me he thought I should go with him next year on a three week Europe trip he was planning (our thing was that we always traveled a lot together while we were a couple). We spent the car trip up to the concert talking about the trip and what we could do, etc. Then, at the concert, he sat next to me at the table and kept his arm around me on the chair throughout the night.

The next week I texted him to ask him to another free screening to a movie I got tickets for and he agreed to go then as well. We went and then after the movie we went out to a bar to grab a few drinks and sing karaoke. We went back to this house afterwards where we slept together again. Waking up together the next morning, all he wanted to do was cuddle and hold me. He called me by my pet names he used to use and kept telling me I looked "Beautiful" and that he really missed me. He also took one of our cats in the breakup and when the cat came over to snuggle between the two of us, he said, "Don't you miss him? It's kind of like our son or child." He kept kissing me on the forehead, the cheeks, etc. I asked him if he wanted to go to breakfast/brunch and he agreed. Yet again, he slipped and called me a pet name again and fed me bites of his food from his plate to try. He drove me to an appointment the same day when I asked if he could drop me off to save me from paying too much for parking and then we went after he picked me up to happy hour, then to my house to change before another free movie. On our way to my place, he was on the phone with a friend and when his friend asked what he was doing, my ex boyfriend said "I'm with my girl about to see a movie." When he got off the phone, he chuckled and told me, "I'm not sure what to call you. It would sound weird if I said I was with an ex." That night we went back to his house where I slept over again and he had sex, again. He did the same thing with me in terms of telling me how beautiful I was and how good I looked and wanted to snuggle with me and hold me for hours, which he initiated. Before I left, he even made plans to go out again a few days later to go to the beach after he was done working to hang out for a while. (I forgot to mention that all of these past few nights he has been opening my car door for me everywhere we go, which he stopped doing the last two years of our relationship before we broke up).

So, two nights later, I told him I got tickets to see a new show so he agreed to go. we went out for a few hours and grabbed some food and headed to a show. He was in a bad mood, non talkative and really cranky for some reason as well as quiet. He was very distant with me. When I dropped him off at his house that night, he was still heading out to a friends party after I was going to leave and as he exited my car, he leaned over to give me a quick hug and said, "I'll see ya."

Needless to say, we were supposed to go to the beach the next night but he never called and I didn't want to bug him again since all I've been doing is texting or calling him to make plans with him. It's only been a day or two, but I miss him like crazy and don't know how to read his signals. Does he want to get back together? What is he feeling? Is he playing games with me? I'm so confused by his mixed signals and don't want to be the one to always call and text him to make plans. Should I wait to see if he calls me to make plans the next time?

[BeingAlpha]

His actions mean he misses you - -there is no doubt about that. But it doesn't mean he wants to get back together. 5 years is a very long time, habits form in 3 weeks. Its no doubt difficult on him as well the break up; but ultimately you aren't really getting what you want.

What you are putting yourself through is minutes, hours, days of anxiety waiting for the next time you will see him..hoping he will reach out to you.

If you continue to offer him companionship, sex, etc.. neither of you will move on from this relationship and I guarantee you this relationship will not move forward. As hard as it may sound - you need to put a stake in the ground and have a discussion about what you want and need from the relationship. If he isn't ready to offer it to you now..then that is ultimately his choice but you need to regain the power over what happens next.

One of the hardest parts of a breakup is the sheer loss of control -- right now you are putting him in a superior tactical position.

I know how this feels -- I've been through it...we all have.

Good luck.

[Wakeup]

Yes have a discussion with him about this state of relationship limbo you are in. He wanted to split up so he broke up with you but wanted to remain "friends" and now you're in a casual sexual relationship with him known as Friends With Benefits. He has no obligation to you as far as seeing other women so I'd have that talk asap before he crushes you when/if you find out he's got a new girlfriend (or two).