I got rejected

[Angel29]

I met a guy through a social group in March and we got on really well but the night ended badly as he kept putting his arm around me and kept trying to kiss my cheek so I called him a womaniser. When I saw the guy out with friends 2 weeks later I apologised as I had felt bad about it for weeks. I realised his 'technique' is because he hasn't had a girlfriend and mutual friends have confirmed he is shy.

Since then he will travel 40 miles away for events and he always approached me and none of the other girls. He is shy and would watch me from afar. He would check the group multiple times each day for that week he was coming to an event. If my name was not down he would not come.

I told him last night I liked him and he said he fancies me and is still attracted to me still but he says he lost interest. I asked when he lost interest, he said he cannot remember. I didn't realise people stopped liking someone. He says we have nothing in common which I know is a lie. I said he doesn't know me well and why don't we hang out which he said he doesn't hang out with people he fancies. I didn't get this, if there is a spark wouldn't this be important. Then he threw it back in my face saying he showed me interest the first night and I called him a womaniser and that he isn't one and he wants a relationship.

He said he is looking for someone he has everything in common with - I don't know if that exists. I just feel so heartbroken at the moment I put my heart on the line and got these mixed signals.

[jackbenimble]

Sounds like hes lying somewhere in that mix. I say forget about him dear.

[Angel29]

Sounds like hes lying somewhere in that mix. I say forget about him dear.

What would he be lying about?

[pcmaster]

You are very inexpierienced girl. No guy would travel 40 miles just to try to kiss the girls cheek. And if he would then a single fail wouldnt be enought to quit on the girl. You must been teens as it looks like. Anyway dont feel sory for womanizer cause if a guy loves himself he would see it as a compliment not a insult. Good that you didnt act cheap and didnt gave virginity of your cheek in first night. If he realy would like you he would try even harder after the rejection. Thing is there was something else too not just you to travel thouse 40 miles.
Anyway it bothers you so much because you had this "like" status in his eyes. At least you think you had. And now when he says he lost interest you are going crazy just to make him like you again. You want that status back. Dont worry about him. He will find someone he have "everything" common with but it cant be you because you dont have dick.

[Wakeup]

You'll get over him just like he got over you when you rejected him. It's life and it's that simple if you have the right mindset. Right now, you don't have the right mindset.

[smackie9]

Just proves why he hasn't had a GF ....he's a twit. He is lying because you caught him off guard and he panicked. He has anxiety issues, he is afraid of getting intimate with girls. That first night he was with you, he probably had some liquid courage to help him along. Don't waste your time with a guy that can't get it together.

[Steve Derekson]

People on this thread will start insulting him, as they almost always insult a man that rejects a woman, but he must have had his reasons.

Did you kiss already? A lack of progress might have got him thinking you were gameplaying. How many dates did you go on? Maybe you went on enough for sex and he didn't get it? There could be many reasons, but lack of progress seems the most likely.

[Wakeup]

People on this thread will start insulting him, as they almost always insult a man that rejects a woman, but he must have had his reasons.

Well, they haven't yet, Stevie. She was just as "afraid" as he was.

Instead of tellling him she was interested in seeing him again but he was moving too fast, she just insulted him and shut him down. Most guys would just move on to the next option after that. I'm thinking there are too many out there willing to proceed (while slowing it down) to worry about one who isn't.

[DalM0m]

It does sound like he likes you but because you initially rejected him, now that you have laid your cards on the table he's gun shy.

FWIW, I don't think he's a womanizer. His was flirting with you, not every woman in the room. Had he been kissing the cheeks of all the girls, he'd be a womanizer.

If you do like, him when you do see him, subtly point out the things you two have in common. Cheer for his team. Talk about mutually interesting subjects. Touch his arm when you speak to him etc. Eventually hopefully his courage will return. However, if while you are waiting for him to see things your way, if there are other guys in the picture make sure not to throw them in his face; no flirting with other guys in the group & if you do meet somebody the minute you bring that guy around this group all hope for a relationship with this guy will be gone forever.

As for those folks on here who disparaged shall we say the guy's technique, I'd remind you that not every is super suave & people do dorky things especially when they are nervous. We're all human so cut him a break but don't pine for him.

[smackie9]

I just went by the evidence provided.

Exhibit A. They just met and he is kissing her and putting his arm around her (odd behavior for a guy who is known to be shy). She doesn't know anything about him, and thinks he's just making a play and calls him a player. Her rejection.

Exhibit B. She lacks experience and he does too. His friends say he is shy and hasn't had a GF. She realized she f ucked up and he is the real deal.

Exhibit C. With this info she apologizes to him, and expresses how horrible she felt for putting him in that catagory. Her taking the rejection back.

Exhibit D. After the apology, he was giving what she thought were the right signals for a shy guy to be doing "Since then he will travel 40 miles away for events and he always approached me and none of the other girls. He is shy and would watch me from afar. He would check the group multiple times each day for that week he was coming to an event. If my name was not down he would not come".

Exhibit E.His rejection and a pile of BS excuses. How is he really to know much about her when they haven't been out on a date to determine they don't have enough in common. Shy guys will come up with all kinds of unrealistic excuses to avoid social situations.

He threw it back in her face because he is avoiding the situation.

If it was a guy asking for advice about a shy girl, my advice would be the same. I would had said she had self esteem issues too.

He could have said "Sorry I gave you the wrong impression that night, I realized that I'm not interested in taking this any further".

As for the OP, she should never have invested her feelings with a guy she hardly knows and hasn't even been out on dates with. So it's partially her fault for being upset about him turning her down.

[Wakeup]

He could have said "Sorry I gave you the wrong impression that night, I realized that I'm not interested in taking this any further".

I think he did say that when he said this:

he says he lost interest. I asked when he lost interest, he said he cannot remember. I didn't realise people stopped liking someone. He says we have nothing in common which I know is a lie.

and this:

he said he doesn't hang out with people he fancies.

Which is what both you and I often tell guys so that they don't fall into the friend zone. He doesn't want to "hang out" with her... he wanted to be with her sexually or romantically and she shot him down.

Two different "visions" I suppose, thats all.

As for the OP, she should never have invested her feelings with a guy she hardly knows and hasn't even been out on dates with. So it's partially her fault for being upset about him turning her down.

I don't think she has any "feelings" for him... I think her ego took a hit and thats all she's feeling.

[smackie9]

He doesn't make any sense really....would that mean he fancies all the others except her?

She did like him. Due to her lack of experience, when he came onto her she felt vulnerable because it's never happened to her before, so she protected herself.

Then when she found out he was legit, she let her guard down, because deep down she did like him and wanted to give him a shot. She's lonely and jumped at the chance to have a BF.

[Wakeup]

She rejected him and then he rejected her. There should not be (IMO) any gender bias or pointing out that he's somehow deficient while she is just with "lack of experience" That L of E would appear to be on both his and her parts and she is now feeling the sting. She'll get over the rejection from him just as he got over it from her.