Need help to be a more personable person

[ikndqq]

Hey guys, I am a shy guy who wants to be someone that everybody wants to be with, i want to be someone fun and i am willing to do anything to improve my social skills. It's not that I am so shy that I dont talk at all, I try, I try alot just that either I say short funny stuff just to say something or I don't know what to say. It's kind of weird... It makes me sad thinking that I can't have a normal conversation with someone, here's an example which i say pretty much always. I was living in Canada for about 8 months (I live in Portugal now), my friends ask me, so what are you doing here. I say "Well, im waiting to be accpeted in the university that i wanna go to, that's all..." and it pretty much end's there... I kinda lack confidence but I do take action to at least do something but my hesitation and not knowing what to say kinda screws everything up.

I don't have alot of friends probably like 4 or 5 but i do know alot of people, and alot of people know who I am, I just can't get into a conversation to get to know them... I don't know what to say or what to answer (like i answer and i just dont say "and you?").

This stresses me out so much, just praticaly saying hi to everyone but not talking much... Help me please

[smackie9]

Ask people questions about themselves. It can be as simple as "how is your day going?" or "do anything exciting over the weekend?" When you ask questions like that, it shows people you are interested in them and not some shallow guy hanging around.

[haxan]

You have to find things in common with the company you're with. Since you're shy, bring up subjects that you know something about and are familiar with, things you're comfortable talking about.

[a-brainwavelove]

Learn a social dance! It may sound seriously weird, but social dances like salsa, for example, greatly help you improve your social skills. Look for a club near you, then go and join a beginners group. You don't need to talk at first - dance is another form of communication, and you'll see how it will slowly help you build up your confidence and develop other forms of communication skills, too!

[michael_love]

Hey guys, I am a shy guy who wants to be someone that everybody wants to be with, i want to be someone fun and i am willing to do anything to improve my social skills. It's not that I am so shy that I dont talk at all, I try, I try alot just that either I say short funny stuff just to say something or I don't know what to say. It's kind of weird... It makes me sad thinking that I can't have a normal conversation with someone, here's an example which i say pretty much always. I was living in Canada for about 8 months (I live in Portugal now), my friends ask me, so what are you doing here. I say "Well, im waiting to be accpeted in the university that i wanna go to, that's all..." and it pretty much end's there... I kinda lack confidence but I do take action to at least do something but my hesitation and not knowing what to say kinda screws everything up.

I don't have alot of friends probably like 4 or 5 but i do know alot of people, and alot of people know who I am, I just can't get into a conversation to get to know them... I don't know what to say or what to answer (like i answer and i just dont say "and you?").

This stresses me out so much, just praticaly saying hi to everyone but not talking much... Help me please

sure, I will help you, as best I can.

for me, I really had to study people, and I took about 6 months studying people and all aspects of people, and even after that I made progress,mainly because of one girl that was really kind to me, and loved me and cared about me, that really helped me a lot.

I am an only child, and I grew up doing very well in school, and I was not social at all. I was only working academically, and studying , junior high school, high school, and college, etc.

My mom is very nice, but has kept me overly protected over the years, and probably given me too much attention, as I am an only child, and I was always not social, just for myself doing my work. I had a 3.97 gpa in high school, and got a scholarship to college.

My mom also always would snap back answers at me, and not contemplate things or really understand people or take the time to dialog with them.

But as I said, i had to take the time, to study people, and see that they are not mean or rude, they are nice, and you have to get to know them and be friends with them, and the goal is to care about one another. It's not a competition. i was very competetive in school, and would not give any thought to personal friendships or relationships.

It took time, and I had to learn how to be nice and have friends. Also with girls, there really is an incentive, like they care about you and love you, and you can do great things together. This incentive means there is something in it for you, and that's a reason for you to bust your ass to be really nice to girls, and then they will like you. That's what I found out.

So for friends, you just should do things together, sometimes in life there is just not much to talk about. if i stand around and look and say " hey man, what's new?" "not much, man" "ok, well I hope your'e doing well." " yeah thanks man." It's kind of like there is nothing much to say. You have to have shared interests, like history, politics science, world war 2, anything that motivates you. even getting girls, may motivate you, and you can talk about your adventures in that area.

do things together, like go places and stuff. Invite them to your house, go places, whatever.

But still, for me , my work is the most important thing. I recommend getting a job your really like, something that motivates and fascinates you.

and get into the school that you want, or another one, don't waste time ! get into a school and bust your ass to achieve something, that will make you proud.

[martiantimeslip]

Asking questions is definately the way to go. Generally, people like to talk about themselves, and people warm to people who are interested in them. So get interested and curious about the people you meet, and ask them about themselves - if they mention something (like what they're studying perhaps), ask them more about it, 'what's it like to study that', 'do you find it interesting/hard?' , 'what made you interested in that?'. I really like getting to know people, but I can be pretty socially awkward at times, and I always fall back on asking questions

[susieq7]

So much good advice here. Getting good at asking open ended questions has really helped me with my shyness. So has finding a job that I really like, which doesn't involve a whole lot of social interaction. I think, ultimately, what has helped me the most, is realizing that being an introvert is totally okay. There's nothing wrong with us. (There was a great article in the New York Times recently about the power of introverts, and there are a couple of books about it, too.) In fact, there are a lot of things that we shy people tend to do better than the extroverts (things like focusing and listening, etc.) but it's such an extroverted world that we can feel weird in it. I have three shy kids, and my heart aches for them because I can feel their emotions each day. One day, my son's 4th grade teacher - who is also a very shy person - was trying to help her student teacher understand how to effectively teach my child. She said, "He's shy. You don't need to fix that. You just need to love it." Her words echo in my ears from time to time!

[mrFrog]

I gonna share a technique to maintain the conversation. You must choose a noun form the last answer of the person you talk with to make the next question. Take a strong attention on him/her. You should keep the conversation around you two, don't make it become a "discussion".

[lylufy]

I did improve my confidence by many ways. I had thought I have alot of bad point than others.
But I believe that "To get success, only 1% is intelligent, 99% is practise" - this was the motivation for me all the time.
There are 2 main ways I did:
1 - improving confidence:
+ I alway stand in front of the mirror and talk to myself. You can print text and read it in 3,4 first times. After that, get out it and retell by your memories.
(try to look straight in your eyes most possible). Editing gestures, expression according to their own wish.
+ See video and repeat its voices. You must try to mimic exactly the voices, the interruption, the up and down of speed.
=> All of these must be done everyday.
2 - get the important things support to confidence :
Collect the knowledges about all the topic you are interested in or the recent topic that people care much.
You can find them much on the internet, book, newspaper, magazine, research, or go to forum like this.

Gook luck, guy ^^

[zetazeta]

I can actually relate to this. I was the most socially awkward person ever in high school. Was a very nerdy gamer throughout those years and when university hit, my friend list comprised of almost all guys (who were... in similar situations as me). In university, I decided to change things up. Got involved, went to events, met people. But the biggest change for me was the fact that I decided that I'm completely comfortable with who I am and started not to worry as much about what people think. From then on, I've built up my personal confidence, and I am now one of the most social people in my (new) group of friends.

Good luck!