Is he losing interest

[geekygirl]

Part 1:
The other day my bf and I were hanging out and I told him about one of my girlfriends who wanted to call a guy she met but was afraid of being the first to call and looking desperate. I asked my bf what he thought of this and he said that when you like someone, there's nothing wrong with reaching out to them. In other words, the guy doesn't have to make the first move so if the girl does, she won't look desperate. Then, he looked me straight at me and said, "When I'm interested in someone, I'm also desperate for them." The way he was looking at me kinda left me speechless. He smiled his cute smile and the conversation moved on. We've been dating exclusively for about 4 months but neither of has said I love you yet. Do you think he was indirectly telling me that he's interested in me to the point of being desperate for me or am I just trying to convince myself that's what he meant?

Part 2: He's very sweet, caring and attentive. We spend lots of time together and Skype endlessly. I feel our communication has always been very balanced i.e. neither of us 'runs' after the other. However, for the past 10 days, I feel like he's been a bit distance. He hasn't been texting me (though he answers immediately if I text him) and he hasn't been asking me to Skype either (though again, he'll immediately come online if I ask him to and we spend hours talking about nothing). He's an investment banker so he's quite busy plus he's studying for the GMAT. I wonder if I"m overthinking and he's just busy or is he losing interest? I want to ask him but I'm afraid of looking needy/clingy but at the same time, it's no fun feeling like this. I want to clarify what's going on but like I said, I dont' want to appear needy and push him away. Maybe he's just pulling back a bit to see how I'll react.
I want to not text/talk to him and see how long will he stay quiet but I'm afraid that he might not say anything.....I guess I'm kinda afraid of finding out the truth cuz I'm afraid I'll get hurt. A few days, I didn't say anything for two days and I expected him to call/text but he didn't! Finally, on the night of the second day, I texted him. It was a casual message asking him how he's been. He promptly replied (as usual) and said he's trying to be more disciplined and sleep on time so he can study properly. That's ok but does becoming more disciplined mean it's too hard for him to text me or give me a call. I'm so confused! This would be a lot easier to figure out if he wasn't so caring and sweet and willing to help me whenever I need him. I usually avoid calling him at work since he's very busy but the other day I needed to talk to him urgently so I texted him and asked him to call me whenever he had the time. I got a call within 10 minutes. I apologized for bugging him at work and spoke quickly but he was very sweet and told me there's no rush, I should take my time and talk as long as I need.

In a nutshell, everything's fine. There's nothing about his behavior that makes me think he's not interested. Everything's the way it was when we started out about 4 months ago. The only thing that's bugging me is the subtle change in his behavior over these past 10 days. I guess he's just busy or maybe testing me before he gets more serious. What do you think?


Not sure if this is relevant but I'm 26 and he's 30 so we're both mature adults.

P.S. Part 1 happend about 2-3 days before part 2 started happening.

[surfhb]

Another women thinking too much. He was just saying he really likes you alot. Isnt loving someone and desperately liking them the same thing? I desperately need my friends and, when Im in love with someone, I desperately need them by my side.

[geekygirl]

@surfhb: lol....I agree, I'm thinking too much which is why I'm here for advice. I dont' want to say something dumb to him and mess things up. I think what he said that day was his way of indirectly telling me that he's desperate for me but what I'm confused about is his change in behavior. I guess I'm scared because the same thing happened to me before. Great guy....things were peachy for about 4 months when suddenly he started pulling back. I gave him space and he said he liked me so much that he was confused and he needed time to think. I agreed and never heard from him again!!! I can't believe he was such a coward.....guys please, if you're not interested, man up and tell the girl. Trust me, we won't go psycho on you. It's just nice to have some closure. Anyways, I guess I'm afraid the same thing will happen though I don't think it will because he gets very upset when he hears about a guy mistreating a girl. He's always saying that a guy should have the guts to be honest with his girl so I'm hoping he won't pull a disappearing act on me.

[surfhb]

I seriously doubt it he would say something like that then suddenly loose interest. Stop the skype thing....and facebook and texting for that matter. Meet face to face. Only way to know for sure. Facebook and especially texting as done more harm to human relations than anything else in history

[geekygirl]

I definitely agree about FB and texting screwing things up. We're not friends on FB....that was a mutual decision because we felt it would mess things up. As far as texting goes, it's usually casual stuff. We don't discuss important stuff through texts. SKyping, yeah we do that quite a bit. Like I mentioned, he's an investment banker and he gets home late everyday usually around 10 or 11 so it's hard to go out during the week which is why we end up Skyping (better than talking on the phone - at least we can see each other). We usually go out on the weekend but we didn't go out this weekend. This is why I'm getting a bit scared. He said he had to study and take care of some stuff. If he really likes me so much, wouldn't he have spared some time? Aargghhh...this is the frustrating part!!! I'm trying very hard not to overthink but it's getting to me. We've even discussed marraige! How could he be desperate for me, have marriage on his mind but then not be able to find time to text me or not bother to ask me if I want to Skype? Even if it's only been 10 days since his behavior changed, maybe this is the beginning of the end. Someone please slap some sense into me!!!!

[surfhb]

1 weekend when he says hes busy because he approaching the biggest test of his life and youre questioning him? Im sorry but sometime the ladies have to take a backseat when more important things come up. Right now, this test is more important than you. You should be happy!

Isnt that that kind of guy you ladies want? Independent, strong with the ability to set his own priorities?

I know.....how about marrying an investment banker whos failed his GMAT? That sounds like a good idea! Dont you agree?

[jb1111983]

Here's a slap for you from Auckland! Hope you like it
haha you're just over thinking everything. When he gave you that look (into your eyes?) I think he wanted you to know he likes you that much. I do that to someone I really like. You see most guys aren't stupid and won't look deep into your eyes if they're not into you.
As for change in him in last ten days, I'm not suprised actually. After dating you for 4 months he's not losing interest in you but rather trying to make you become a part of his life and not his life. This is what's required for a healthy relationship as far as I'm concerned. I think you're worried and feeling insecure only because he hasn't said those words to you yet. You want words of affirmation from him that's all. I'm sure you'll get there soon if he's really into you which I think he is.

[geekygirl]

Actually, his test is in July but you're right......he's very independent, strong and goal-oriented which is what I love about him. His confidence is a major turn-on. Anyways, I think he's just worried about his exam and that's all. I should wait and see what happens before jumping to conclusions.

[geekygirl]

Thanks for the slap. I really liked what you said: he's not losing interest in you but rather trying to make you become a part of his life and not his life. Wow....that definitely made me calm down. He's really starting to open up with me and share his fears and insecurities (which is a big thing for him since he's a typical alpha male - he says investment banking does that to a guy) so I think he sees me a keeper and not just someone he's fooling around with. Yeah, words of affirmation....that's what I want from him. I love him and I can't wait to hear him say that to me.....I'm kinda waiting for him to say it first and then I'll say it in return. They say the girl shouldn't be the first one to say it.....don't know who's 'they' and what makes them the expert but that's what I've always heard!