Why is my friend/date ignoring me all of a sudden????

[ellie]

WTF?? Why is he ignoring me?

Yesterday:

The guy Im seeing and our common friends (They are our common friends, but more my friends than his, although he knows these people as well).

We were out, me, him and our/my friends, having a good time. But he was acting completely different!! WTF is up with that????

He totally ignored me, didnt even say a word to me during the whole evening, and even when I sat down next to him he turned around and started talking/FLIRTING with the girl next to him instead.

What is up with that? Why would he act like this?
As soon as we were alone, later on that night, he was acting really nice and sweet like he usually do.

But why does he always seem to ignore me and flirt/being REALLY friendly with my friends, but not to me??

I mean, we are pretty close, we've been going out/dating a couple of times, and also sent flirty texts to each other, so I am pretty sure he must have liked me at some point.

What's happening? Why would he be friendly to everyone except me - his closest friend??? I was so hurt and shocked I could barely reply when he finally talked to me. I thought, if not dating, we were at least friends. We havent had a fight or anything and only a couple of hours earlier we had text-flirted.


Any ideas??? PLZ?

[Yggdrasil]

Have you asked him?

[ellie]

Yes I have, by text, and he hasnt replied yet. I know, I should have maybe phoned him, but I don't want to seem like a drama queen

[Yggdrasil]

Yes I have, by text, and he hasnt replied yet. I know, I should have maybe phoned him, but I don't want to seem like a drama queen

Well, my advice would be: wait for his answer, and if he doesn't txt back, next time you see him, confront him about it.

I mean, we can't read his mind? We can guess, but those only would be guesses.

I'd be interested in his answer btw.

[Gigabitch]

You're blurring the line between friends and dating, so he thinks he can just relate you like a buddy when he wants to.

This is reason #47 why friends don't date. You're either one or the other or someone (you, in this case) gets hurt.

[jjj]

#47 giga. what are the others? i just started a relationship with a girl i have been pretty much best mates with for 2 years. yet liked her for over a year. finally got together and seems good so far. and i know ur advice/reasons and always good )

[damn2008]

You're blurring the line between friends and dating, so he thinks he can just relate you like a buddy when he wants to.

This is reason #47 why friends don't date. You're either one or the other or someone (you, in this case) gets hurt.

Good call.

Does this guy think of you as friends or are you in a relationship? Make up your mind here....he probably doesn't know so why else would he "confuse" you?

[Gigabitch]

#47 giga. what are the others? i just started a relationship with a girl i have been pretty much best mates with for 2 years. yet liked her for over a year. finally got together and seems good so far. and i know ur advice/reasons and always good )

They're scattered all about this forum, salted with tears and heavy with regret.

[ellie]

OK; now I got a reply from him. I sent him an email asking if he was avoiding me last night, and he replied with the LONGEST EMAIL EVER, telling me everything about his "issues" with his family, future, worries about not getting a job etc etc etc.

Ughhhhh! What the hell is up with that?

This is really wearing me out. Should I take this as a positiv or negative thing? I guess its good that he trusts me enough to let me in on his very personal problems, but then uhhh... why would a guy want to bother a girl he is interested in with his problems???

FFS

[IndiReloaded]

#47 giga. what are the others? i just started a relationship with a girl i have been pretty much best mates with for 2 years. yet liked her for over a year. finally got together and seems good so far. and i know ur advice/reasons and always good )

Probably the biggest reason is that if things don't work out romantically, its almost impossible to going back to being 'just friends'.

Usually, in such cases, someone is still in love. Who wants to see (and hear all about) an ex carrying on with someone new. Mbe someone even better?

Friends provide honest support, often to do with personal relationships. How can you vent to your best friend about your best friend when they are the same person?

Anyway, let's see how you fare in a few months. If you breakup, we'd be interested to hear how it goes w/remaining friends.

[Gigabitch]

uhhh... why would a guy want to bother a girl he is interested in with his problems???

Well, it sounds like you're not interested in the "friend" part at all. What I'm hearing is that you want him to start treating you like some girl he's just met and start all over, leaving your history in the past. I get that, but I don't think it's possible.

This, to me, is just more evidence that he's more interested in being your friend than your date. Again, blurred lines.

[JohnnyGileaid]

Well, it is possible that he is just not sure how to act when he is there. Personally I hate it when you go out with a group of friends, two of them being a couple and then all the night couple completely ignores the group and only talks/flirts with each other.

I could see him thinking that way and then trying to over compensate, at your expense. Also, he is most likely worried what your girlfriends will think of him since they will no doubt talk to you immediately afterwords giving you their seal of (dis)approval -- which he probably believes will effect the relationship. If your friends complain about him and keep telling you to break it off, that is not good; obviously.

I'm guessing that he was thinking you brought him there to meet your friends and was trying to make sure that they liked him, for your sake (and his own). He probably thought he can talk to you anytime, so it is really important that he focuses his energy on your friends.

I'm not saying he did the right thing, but I would not be surprised if that was his mindset. There is a very delicate balancing act when you are out with your significant other and friends -- some people get it, some people don't.

[ellie]

Yeah I can totally see your point, this probably also how I would behave if I were with his friends; trying to be really friendly with them to get their approval!

But what I dont get here, is his -in my opinion- BAD excuses?? I mean, I ask him about what happened, and he starts rambling about having a lotof stuff on his mind currently, not being good in social situations, having a lot of problems etc etc, and that that was the reason.

What the heck does that have to do with anything

[ellie]

Oh and the reason Im blurring the line between friendship and dating I guess is because I dont want to loose him as a friend if it doesnt work out romantically. We have a lot of fun and get along really well and I would be heartbroken if I lost him as my friend.

Also he's blurring the line a lot too...

[JohnnyGileaid]

I'll be honest with you, he probably does not know why precisely he did what he did. Guys aren't quite as "in touch" with their feeling as women. When you confronted him, he probably though "oh crap!" and started running frantically through his mind for answers; obviously worried what you are thinking. My guess is that he probably just listed a bunch of problems he has to you and thought something like, "the answer is probably in there somewhere."

Guys are crazy. Even though subconsciously he was probably thinking something like my first post (although not so direct), when you actually brought it up he probably didn't know what to say. A lot of guys have trouble turning feelings into words and I'm sure he is no different. This is especially hard if you are already nervous -- he is probably feeling a bit awkward changing from a friend to girlfriend mindset.

I think if you give it some time, he (and you) will get used to it and hopefully everything will work itself out. I don't think that you can take actions as a boyfriend/girlfriend with the mindset of trying to save them for friends later on... You are either all in or all out. Sounds like both of you already took the first step, so now it is time to get all in or you are probably looking at a worst case scenario.