Seemingly great first date... no second... advice?

[Esty288]

Hi all,
Quick scenario that played out this week.

Had a first date with someone last Friday. Seemed like it went really well. After the usual 1-2 drinks we decided to stay out, then moved elsewhere and stay out late that night, she seemed really keen to stay and keep it going.
As it progressed she was really nice and flirty. Touched me a lot, shared pictures, really fun chat and then some making out.

In the few days following she was texting me back and forth. Even sent a cute picture of herself that her friend had just taken.

So all in all, I figure, the date seemed good, she was acting really into it... she followed up... so I should ask her out??

Well I asked her yesterday. Her reply was basically thanks but she can't, maybe in the New Year, and no responce since.
So I know I am being synical saying it was a blow-off but I've had girls do this before... give the "I'm really busy right now" sort of excuse and you need to take the hint.
On the other hand, she seemed great, there's every chance that given Christmas week is coming up that she's just genuinely busy and would be open to going out in a few weeks but it seem unlikely. If someone is interested I feel it would be weird to just stop talking and expect it to pick up in 2-3 weeks.

Anyway... question is... I'm 99% sure this was her blowing me off... which is frustrating and kinda confusing, she was giving all the right signals up to the point where I asked.
Is it worth trying to contact her again? Should I leave it a few days, or 2 weeks and just send her a message and see if she was any bit open to going out again in the New Year?

Or am I just clutching at straws and need to forget about her?
It's just bugging me... I've gone on "Meh" and Bad dates before but this just seemed like things were clicking... I don't really understand what I could have messed up in between?

[3mK]

I'd say relax for a bit. Maybe wait a week or two and then give her a call and ask her on a second date. Don't text her. At all. Sparingly reply if she messages you.

[DalM0m]

The holidays are just a weird time of year.

I wouldn't forget about her but I would put her in the back of your mind. She may contact you after January 4. If she does, great. If she doesn't I'd assume it was way to let you down gently, Sorry.

[johnson0000]

holidays can be crazy. id just a a few days after new years give her a call. could just be playing hard to get too

[Esty288]

Thanks everyone.
Yes, 9 times out of 10 I'd say the "I'm a little busy right now, maybe in a few weeks" things would be a blow off and I should let it go.

To be honest this one confused me. She was super flirty after we talked a little, we kept making out, she was initiating, she was texting me for several days after, said she had a good time, continued to be flirty, I sort of assumed she was waiting for me to ask again.
Only for that reason I had a tiny feeling that MAYBE this was genuine. When I asked her she said she'd love to go out but the holidays are busy and she has friends staying, etc... it wasn't a flat no or no excuse given.

To be honest, yes I think it's a blow off, but maybe I'll leave it go through the New Year and maybe check in and see if she responds. At least it would put my mind at ease.

I probably sound crazy. I'd usually let it go, she was just the nicest date I've had in a long time and since she seemed receptive at first, I was hopeful. Oh well, will put it to the back of my mind.

[smackie9]

Her BF is home from his tour in Iran so when he goes back she will be able to hook up again.

[mwtzzz]

Yes, that kind of behavior is confusing, certainly a blow off, and I've been through that before in my life. Like you, I really didn't understand it in the beginning. But later basically came to understand that it usually means

(a) she went out with you just "for fun", meaning she wanted to go out and be flirtatious with someone, but she didn't want anything serious

(b) she has since found someone else she likes better

(c) she already has a boyfriend (or husband) and she went out with you just to "spice it up", or as revenge because he pissed her off, or because he's out of town

Unfortunately the (b) and (c) are really crappy and hurtful things to do, and sometimes you can't hardly believe that someone can come across being so sincere, sweet or an awesome person and do something like that, but it happens.

[smackie9]

I like your straight forwardness.......

[HDBadger]

I can't see a good reason to ever speak to her again, can you? It seems like an obvious blow off. Would a girl who was interested really be wishy washy after a first date like that?

[Esty288]

She actually text me a couple of times during the weekend just passed.
I can't really make sense of it. She's a pretty girl, I assume she isn't short of male attention so I just equate any frostiness of no interest.
But if she's initiating contact... it's sort of annoying unless she does want to go out again.

[UKRomantic]

Just go with the flow for a few weeks, but leave her on the back of your mind.

ENjoy the holidays, let her initiate contact and take it from there.

Maybe a week or so into the new year ask again, just a simple "Hey, so you fancy going out?"

If she blows you off again, take the hint.

[3mK]

Just remember to do this either in person or call the chick. Don't text or msg over FB. That's just not man enough for girls nowadays. Or at least the good ones...

[smackie9]

She actually text me a couple of times during the weekend just passed.
I can't really make sense of it. She's a pretty girl, I assume she isn't short of male attention so I just equate any frostiness of no interest.
But if she's initiating contact... it's sort of annoying unless she does want to go out again.

Stop putting her up on a pedestal. I think you are letting yourself down on your own and not her. She's probably thinking....I text this guy but he doesn't seem to show much interest...what is his deal?


Once the holiday season has passed, ask her out again and see. Most people only have time for family and close friends...like me....my whole week is booked with lunches, dinners, open houses, family crap....it's insane.