Me and BF haven't spoken for nearly a week - whats he thinking?

[chromelover32]

Apologies in advance for the long post.Me and my boyfriend of 7 months havent spoken for 5 days. We were at his parents for Christmas, we were getting on ok although things could be better. For the past month or so he has been very negative, complaining alot, when your around that it tends to affect you and make you feel like rubbish. The last night we were there we went out to a pub with his sister and her boyfriend. The whole time we were there he didn't really speak to me and he was pretty drunk - he was being very loud and sarcastic in general felt as if it was aimed towards me but who knows. Then we were all walking back home - we parted with his sister and her boyfriend and I had a bottle of cider in my hands and I didn't want it so I placed it next to a bin - he said your not wasting that and started drinking it i told him I didn't really want him to drink anymore as he was quite drunk and acting like a towards me. He threw it on the floor and it smashed. He then went to carry on walking to get some food but I didn't want to entertain that kind of behaviour so I walked off and went back to his parents. I went to bed and that was that. The next morning he was trying to be affectionate and I said don't you remember what you did and he said what throw a bottle? You were nagging me not to drink it and I said no I just wanted you to not be a to me anymore and he said sorry and that he loves me. I said what was wrong with you last night it seemed like you hated me and he said well I suppose your frustrations come out when your drunk - you haven't really been affectionate towards me since we've been here and I said well I don't really feel happy your always negative and complaining about everything and it's just dragging me down and you acting like that last night has just pushed me away. He said I feel like we don't get on anymore and I said because I don't feel happy I feel like your dragging me down, he didn't say anything, said something about he had a stiff neck then proceeded to get up and make coffee. Anyways we were going home that day and didn't talk all day - I went out for a walk by the time I got back he had put all his stuff in the car and left all mine in the room. So I took it all down. We spoke on the way back in a civil manner but it was like we were strangers. He dropped me home we hugged for a few seconds then he went. I didn't talk to him I just wanted some space and hoping he would realise the way he had been acting was making me unhappy because I TOLD him it was. But instead I didn't hear anything off him, then his sister told me he went back to his parents for new years 2 days later and he didn't even mention it. As far as I'm aware he's still there and haven't heard a word off him. I told him how he was making me feel but instead of realizing that he just hasn't spoken to me at all. I feel like I shouldn't speak to him because he needs to realise how he is making me feel. In these situations it's always me speaking first and apologising for God knows what it's like he has a way of making me feel bad and he should be the one getting apologies. I haven't done anything. He's very stubborn and has ALOT of pride and I feel as if he'll never talk to me again if I don't speak to him. Or maybe he doesn't want to be with me. He hasn't changed his relationship status on Facebook so I'm just confused as to why he hasn't spoke to me when I haven't done anything wrong - he's the one that has been making me unhappy. Some advice would be helpful. 2 days before we left I went shopping with his mom all day and when I came back in he gave me a massive hug and said I love you so much - then this, he is so complicated and I just wonder how he even loves me if he can just treat me like this. If he doesn't want to be with me he should just say instead of saying nothing and keeping us in a relationship on facebook

[Fuzzyfeeling]

Give him some more time ,i really do think you both need some alone time , it'll really clear things up trust me ^~^.

[TheEvilJester]

I do agree that some time apart sounds good. I will also say this, you are definitely right that HE should be the one apologizing to you and not the other way around. I mean, at least based on what you've shared with us. I definitely know from experience what you mean when you say that being around such a negative person can drag you down too. It can start to turn you into a negative person and make you really unhappy. It can turn you into somebody you don't even recognize yourself, and into somebody you don't like.

So, to be perfectly honest with you, there is a LARGE part of me sort of leaning towards thinking you'd really be better off without him. But, believe me, I do NOT mean to over-simplify things at all. It may not be necessary to go that far. Frankly, maybe he's going through a rough patch in life and that has been making him so negative, and making him lean so heavily on drinking as an escape. The thing is, if he'd talk to you about it, maybe you could help. Even if "help" just meant being there for him.

But, when he won't even talk to you about it, he gives you no chance to do that. Believe me, I can most definitely understand how it feels to be hitting a rough patch in life, so if that is the case with him, I can somewhat sympathize. ....BUT, that doesn't make it okay for you to just give up, allow yourself to become negative, and to start dragging down everybody around you. Bad times don't just magically end, you have to work to pull yourself out of them. If he won't fight for himself, how exactly are you supposed to fight for him? So, if it comes to that, you may be better off just to leave for your own good.

From my personal experiences, there are two different kinds of people who complain a lot. There are the people who complain a lot because they actually HAVE a lot of crappy stuff happening and therefore have a lot of reasons to complain......

And then there's the people who just will find a reason to complain no matter what. They could be handed everything in life on a silver platter and have a picture perfect life some people would kill to achieve..... and they'll complain because the platter should have been gold or platinum. So, I think an important factor in deciding if you even WANT to still be with him is figuring out is your boyfriend somebody who complains a lot because he has legit reasons.... or does he complain a lot simply because he's a negative person.

Either way, I do think you should talk to him. If you decide to leave him, then I would just keep it short and simple, tell him basically what you did already and leave it at that. If he IS one of those people who will just always complain no matter what, chances are nothing you or anybody else says to him will EVER convince him anything is wrong with him and he'll probably never change. On the other hand, if you think maybe he is just so negative because he's actually had legit reasons to complain lately, then maybe you may want to try to make it work.

If you do, then the talk should be a little deeper. Something like "Look, I really care about you so I hate seeing you so miserable. Not only is it hard on me seeing you like that, but it also starts to bring me down. I want to be able to help you so we can both be happy, but if you don't talk to me about things how can I help?" IF he's only so negative lately because life has been kicking him, then that could be something that can be turned around.

Not an easy task ahead of you, so I sincerely wish you the best. But, when it comes down to it, your partner in love should be the one bringing you the most happiness in life, not the one dragging you down into the much. Good luck!