should I just bite the bullet?

[lily_ok?]

I left my ex a year ago with our 3 kids..... toxic, shattering relationship. He still rings me everyday though (or even more). Sometimes just to tell me something funny that happened to him or whatever or to apologise for the way he acted in the past. I find it comforting in a way but feel as though I am doing something wrong. He knows I won't go back to him but says he would rather just be able to talk to me on the phone than not have any contact at all. During the relationship he was abusive in every way, shape and form. I want to move on and find someone that adores me in a healthy way but I just can't seem to find the guts to shut him out completely. If anyone is in the same situation I would love some advice, or just someone to talk to. Even you guys out there that can shed some light on what I should do it would be so helpful!

[Boisdevie]

So this guy was abusive to you during the relationship yet you had 3 kids with him? Makes me wonder if your judgement isn't a bit suspect. But, if he has the kids, what happens if you shut him out completely. Do you get to see your kids - they are the priority.

[sookie6]

No I think the OP took the kids with her that's what she meant.

I think that for now you should allow him to keep in touch and stop worrying too much about the future. Yes you will certainly meet someone else in the future and he will too.

I know of someone with 3 kids who has successfully remarried although her first husband was abusive too. These things happen.

In your current situation, time will do the work I believe. Over time he will start ringing you less and will build a life for himself. He is just having difficulty adjusting to his new life.

The catch is to keep a good balance because you don't want him to think he is still your husband. So refrain from seeing him and from being too friendly.