Broken

[maryld]

Just after some advice as feel completely broken from a recent situation and cannot help blaming myself.

Essentiallly, I met a guy a year agao and we dated a handful of times. i knew upon meeting him that I definitely wanted to pursue something with him and that he could be the One - it was like everything i had ever wanted and felt all int he one person. Basically, i was smitten.

Liek I said we went on a handful of great dates, met some of his friends and were intimate to a certain degree). He was in a very high-profile job (both of us in our early thirties), traveeling a lot with work. After the first handful of dates, we struggled to meet up even though he kept asking. Either one of us was away, we got our wires crossed, he got held up with work, i was sick etc etc. Anyway, after we hadn;t seen each other for 6 weeks, he cooled off. But I followed up as wanted him to know i still wanted to see him. However, he jsut wasn't pusruing as he ws previously and I put it down to busy wrok schedule etc.

We were in touch via text and then he asked me out again early this year for dinner so I thought we were on the same page again. He blew me off however, and I didn;t hear form him for 3 weeks after the intended date for dinner. He text me to tell me he had quit his job and had been very stressed out trying to sort it out.

later that same week, he called me at 2am and we spoke for half and hour. He asked me to come out and see him, etc etc. I refused as it was like a booty call and was actually offended. ont he same call he told me he was moving city in 4 weeks and had decided to take a couple of years off work etc.

He text me the next day saying i should ahve come out and we arranged to meet up for a drink alter that night. Again, he blew me off and I never heard from him again. he moved countries 8 weeks ago and now found out he is engaged to someone he met in September last year. He was still hot on my heels last October, asking me out, sending me flowers etc.

What I don;t understand is, did he like me but met this other girl and when it proved to ahrd to meet up with me and bad timings etc that he jsut got frustrated and things worked easily with this other girl (who lived overseas where he travelled for work and has subsequently moved to) so he decided to take it forward with her? Or, if he really did like me would he never have even considered someone else and continued to try with me?

The fact that he was still calling me 3 months before proposing to this girl and that he proposed after only 8 weeks of living in the same city as her makes me think he jsut wanted to get married? He had been successful in his career and now jsut wanted to share that success with someone and move to the next stage in his life.

Could I have been that girl and did I stuff up and should have made myself much more availbalbe to him? I am absolutely heart broken as I had completely fallen for him and now he is gone forever and I cannot help think that I had a chance but just ddin;t make it happen.

Thoughts?

[ecojeanne]

i guess sometimes it's just right. it doesn't mean he would have proposed to you. best to move on. men are weird, i'll never be able to figure them out!

[vashti]

Funny how you assumed he just wanted to share his success with a woman. I assumed he got fired and was looking for someone to support him. Who leaves a successful career voluntarily when they are only in their 30s?

[ecojeanne]

oh god! you're probably right vash

[REKEN65]

I'm sure he got fired or laid off. The economy is doing a lot of weird things to people. You deserve to be treated better. Anywase would you really want a relationship with this person? He sounds like a insecure person. He would cheat on you in the future. Better to find his true colors now than later.

[Yggdrasil]

You were used as a spare tire. This guy never had the intention to become seriously involved with you.

Face reality: the only mistake you made was living a dream instead of seeing what was going on. So many red flags: breaking dates and agreements, excuses not to show up. Business meetings, etc.

Learn from this experience and keep your eyes open next time.

[maryld]

Funny how you assumed he just wanted to share his success with a woman. I assumed he got fired and was looking for someone to support him. Who leaves a successful career voluntarily when they are only in their 30s?

Well, he was actually top of his field at what he does and didn;t / doesn't have to work another day in his life. So I think he decided ha had misse dout on so much getting to the top and wanted to focus on his personal life....just obviously with someone else.

Do you think had I made him feel more needed / wanted he wouldn;t have strayed? Or do you think he jsut met the one and that was it? The fact he was still asking me on dates and calling me etc jsut one month before he moved conutry for this girl makes me think he was confused / was seeeking validation he was making the right decision?

[Doc Durian]

Forget about him... he's gone.

You're still about... you have wants, needs, and desires, and he's nowhere about.

That pretty much sums up why he's a turd, in your book, and why you should flush for personal mindset's hygiene sake.

Granted, he might have been one of those Turdzilla's which require two or more flushes... but he's still a turd.

***flush***

You can do it.

[vashti]

Well, he was actually top of his field at what he does and didn;t / doesn't have to work another day in his life.

In my experience, affluent people work for the satisfaction of it, not for the money. Idleness kills the soul.

[maryld]

In my experience, affluent people work for the satisfaction of it, not for the money. Idleness kills the soul.

I agree with you. But I think in order to be with her he had to leave his job which would have been a huge thing for him, so he must be truly in love.

[Yggdrasil]

I agree with you. But I think in order to be with her he had to leave his job which would have been a huge thing for him, so he must be truly in love.

What you think about him doesn't matter. Your relation with him is over. Stop living in the past and start living in the NOW.

I know I am blunt, but that's how it is.

[clacarica101]

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