Can you ever be friends with a past love?

[lonely_girl]

Was dumped 5 weeks ago. He said he needed to get away so is going on a trip for a few months. I don't understand why this means we still can't be together when he gets back. I am so confused, hurt, sad, i feel like my heart has been ripped out and stamped on.

He was my lover but most of all my best friend, i am a shy person with not many friends but i felt really comfortable around him and he made me so happy.

He wants to be friends, how can i do that when i still fancy and love him like crazy? Is it possible in a few months time i will just remember the good times and be able to be just his friend.

Is it just him being selfish and still wanting me in his life but not letting me be with him as his girlfriend / lover / partner?

Does any of this make sense?

I am a grown women i shouldnt be finding this so hard to cope with

[anachronistic]

You should learn to not be so shy. It is not good to depend on people like that. I think you should try to make more friends.

Sure, you can be friends with your ex... it's just never the same again.... that is, if you can avoid getting intimate with them and all. You have to learn how to cut certain ties with him so that when you're in love with the next boy, he doesn't get between you.

[shh!]

He told he wants to be friends in order to spare your feelings. He doesn't care for you in an intimate way anymore, and that is the bottom line. I suggest you forget all about the "let's be friends" line, and move on with your life. Even IF his offer of friendship was genuine, how can one be friends with someone they love romantically? You would only be pouring salt on the wound, and would most likely continue to hold out hope for something that will not materialize. Make a clean break, woman. Find something else to occupy your time while you grieve.

[awakenedbear]

Lonely girl, it will take time to heal- there's no shame in that. Someday, you may be able to be friends with him again when you've moved on as well, if you still have a connection and respect for each other.
Until then, let yourself have time to grieve and maybe join some clubs and do more activities to meet new people. I promise it'll get better in time.
-AwakenedBear

[lonely_girl]

Lonely girl, it will take time to heal- there's no shame in that. Someday, you may be able to be friends with him again when you've moved on as well, if you still have a connection and respect for each other.
Until then, let yourself have time to grieve and maybe join some clubs and do more activities to meet new people. I promise it'll get better in time.
-AwakenedBear

I really hope i can be friends with him at some point. I just need to figure out how to stop loving him first. I had no idea it would hurt this much.

[Cain]

Honestly, I think remaining friends with someone you were in love with is much more trouble than it's worth. Not only will it be difficult for you to move on, but if you were really in love with him, you'll always love him. I think ex's are best if it wasn't a very serious and "in love" relationship.

If my ex and I don't work things out, she and I won't be remaining friends. It would hurt too much to see her actually having another guy in her life at some point.

[littlewing]

I have been in a similar situation and as much as I wanted to remain friends I got absolutely nowhere, I lived in a haze and almost lost my mind.

[Dasein]

Do not have any contact with him. Get your life together as a single person and let your heart heal.

I have had hit and miss experiences with exes.
My best friend is my ex boyfriend. He is now married and I have a partner.
I have tried the friendship thing with other ex's and to be honest it is really not worth the hassle. There are too many emotions/issues that come up.

So if I were to give advice I would say to let him go. Keep yourself busy. make new routines for yourself and eventually you can move on.

[Yacker]

I have recently figured out that I cannot be one of those people that can be friends with my Ex. Even if things just go sour because the feelings from them aren't there anymore even though mine are strong as ever. Why does it hurt so much? Shouldn't we be happy they are moving on to something that may make them happy someday. It's not like I don't understand the idea behind if you are the one for them or not. You can't make someone love you. Why do I feel so horrible though about it when they are around. I think if I could overcome that, I could overcome anything emotionally, but it just doesn't seem like my brain works that way at all. It may be possible if you don't talk to him/her for a long time and find someone else that you love. That's the only way I could see myself doing it.

[michzel creativ]

yeah its difficult to be friends to your EX because you will remember the things that had happened. If you want to forget him go somewhere else in the continent, put the past on its right place.
Look for another boyfriend, love him and forget the past.

[lonely_girl]

Saw him today, it was such a shock. Could hardly manage to speak. He goes away on Friday for a few months so hopefully that will give me time to figure my head out.
I asked him to give me a call before he leaves, i am gonna have a nice chat with him then, not gonna cry, beg etc am gonna be strong and wish him well for the future.
Then see how i feel when he gets back. I change my mind day to day as to whether i feel i can be friends with him. I guess only time will tell....

[Cain]

Saw him today, it was such a shock. Could hardly manage to speak. He goes away on Friday for a few months so hopefully that will give me time to figure my head out.
I asked him to give me a call before he leaves, i am gonna have a nice chat with him then, not gonna cry, beg etc am gonna be strong and wish him well for the future.
Then see how i feel when he gets back. I change my mind day to day as to whether i feel i can be friends with him. I guess only time will tell....

If you're still in love with him when he gets back, you won't be able to be friends with him. Don't let your heart tell you otherwise.