Can you be Friends with someone youre in Love with?

[fixbayonets]

About 4 months ago, I became involved with a girl in an online relationship, and it was great. I met her through a mutual friend, and we started talking as just friends. After awhile, she told me that she was really attracted to me and wanted a relationship. I said that I did too, as the feelings were mutual. Had you asked me a year ago, I wouldve told you theres no way I would have an online relationship.

But in the last 4 months, we have experienced this incredible connection unlike anything I have ever felt with any other person Ive dated. We've always been able to be honest with each other about everything, and can talk about anything. ANYTHING. We usually know what the other one is thinking before a word is said. I cant even explain how great it has been, even though we had never met in person, it was amazing to go to sleep at night and be truly happy. It was such a relief to find someone that loved me for who I was. Someone that just 'get's you. Someone that feels the same way about things that you do (we're both in college and hate it). Someone that knows how some of my life experiences have affected me (Im a Vet and have some mild PTSD), and was willing to help me with it and work with me instead of just run away. Long story short, I have never loved a girl like I do this one. Most people would look at our relationship and think its wierd or unhealthy. But honestly, when I think of how Ive felt in previous relationships and the level of communication we have, I think its the healthiest one Ive ever been in.

We had made several attempts to meet in person, but due to schedules or financial problems we could never seem to make it happen. In the last 2 weeks or so, I had noticed that things were a little different than normal, but I couldnt put my finger on it. Well, Monday night she tells me that she had done some thinking about us, and had come to the conclusion that she sees me as a 'best friend' rather than a 'boyfriend'. We talked about it, and she says that even though she loves me very much, and still finds me attractive, and that I still make her happy, that she doesnt think she has the 'boyfriend' feelings anymore. I asked if she knew what caused it, and she said she didnt really know, just that thats how she was feeling. She also said that she wants no one else but me (I dont understand that), and that "who knows what will happen when we're around each other, this could just be a phase that she's in right now".

She still wants to be close friends, and I want us to still be close more than anything, but Im a total wreck right now. I dont know what Im supposed to do here. She says that she still wants us to meet, and that no one knows what will happen with us when we're physically around each other. I told her I need some time to let all this sink in, and that even though I love her very much and want us to still be close, I wasnt sure how this will affect us. I feel she thinks things will just go back to the way they were before we 'got together', but for me its not that easy.

I feel like Im going to always have to wonder if the love she used to have for me will ever come back. It hurts to know that I used to be able to put that 'spark' in her and make her feel special, but I dont anymore. I want us to be close, but I dont know what to do.

Im open to ANY opinions, insights, ideas, perceptions, or questions.

[vashti]

Now I am seeing in triplets.

[King Zarathu]

Yep, same.

Don't be an asshole.

[Borealis]

Can you judge a person's character through an online persona? I feel it requires actual time together, because the things people say they are, and the things they act by can be completely opposite. Even though this still applies to real life encounters, I feel a more accurate measurement can be made in actual encounters. Following this, you cannot be certain she ever loved you. Real love does not ebb and flow, because it remains constant through time. It then seems odd to me that her love evaporated without the least provoking.

Borealis

[vashti]

Real love does not ebb and flow, because it remains constant through time.

I think this is the first time you have posted something with which I completely disagree.

Oh well... I guess it was bound to happen at some point.

[Borealis]

I think this is the first time you have posted something with which I completely disagree.

Oh well... I guess it was bound to happen at some point.

It was bound to happen. However, take into consideration real love. A strong affinity to another person does not fulfill this definition.

Borealis

[fixbayonets]

Wasnt trying to piss anyone off with multiple posting, just wanted all possible perspectives. I recognize that the distance may have caused a signifigant role in our undoing, if not the primary source. Even though we found 'alternative ways' to express our physical needs, I still think that the distance may have ultimately led to her decision to make us 'just friends'. Even though I understand this logic, it still hurts.

[cless_alvein]

Well look, the simple answer is yes you can be "just friends", now the more complex answer is can you overcome the akwardness? i personally have never been able to stand my Ex's after a breakup, except 1 but even then were still not friends, we talk sometimes but thats about as far as that goes, if it feels to akward around the person who is now you're Ex or one of you just decided it wasn't going to work, either give it some time or simply just move on their is nothing more you can do, it either works or it doesn't simple as that, about what that other guy was talking about, with the internet thing, look if you can't trust the person you plan to "be" with what the hell are you doing with them in the first place? a relationship consists of two things, Love(affection, sex, romantic things etc) and committment(staying with you're partner even when things get heated, saying faithful, trust) trust is a massive part of a relationship their is no denying it, you might aswell pack you're bags and just leave if you can't learn to trust you're too be or someone who is already you're partner, the good thing about the internet is you're not limited to people who are only around you, the bad side is their is a lot of sicko's who are willing too toy with you're heart and mind, but another good side is you can't possibly get hurt(physically) of course there is two types of people who use the internet(chat rooms, messengers, dating sites etc) type 1, the people who can sense emotions even threw text, now i don't know about a lot of people but when i use this ..... it means i'm unhappy, but another person might see it as im spacing things out like a COMMA (,) that is what we do to show a pause not ... a lot of people still don't understand that anyway, type 2 these kind of people are usually looking for a quick fix, dating sites etc basicly they want to advertise themself in a big catalog, i believe in love that it is a chance not something you pick out from a catalog, the type 2 wont understand what lol and such will mean like when you say something funny they will reply with "ok" because they don't understand the internet it's as simple as that which makes me wonder why they even use it, a lot of people who use the internet tend to not fit into the "real world/Life(RL)" everyone has their own place and no one has a right to judge, there is just as many bad things on the internet as well as in RL, now you need to use you're brain and figure out which world you belong in, obviously even if you're relationship starts out on the internet, you will need to meet eventually, i myself have found love in america(i'm australian) we have a rock soilded relationship of 1yr and 3month and more, if a relationship is meant to be it will, i know this isn't the easist thing i'm about to say but it's true, if it doesn't work let it go Internet(more so internet relationships) and RL, if you don't let go you will slowly destory yourself i have done it to myself one too many times and believe me, cutting or anything does no one any good, internet relationships are based more on the emotions of a human rather than physical side, so obviously it can damage you more, anyway i hope it all works out for you.

[vashti]

It was bound to happen. However, take into consideration real love. A strong affinity to another person does not fulfill this definition.

Borealis

Nope, sorry. I still disagree. Romantic love is an emotion, and emotions are fluid.

[mhussain]

Can you be Friends with someone youre in Love with?

From friendship to love? Yes
Vice Versa ? Never

And I agree with vashti, love is an emotion and emotions are fluid. Hence important to make sure that love never wanes.

[sazzya1987]

Can you be Friends with someone youre in Love with?
Anything is possible... To be friends with someone you love, thats kind of difficult to really answer. If you love the person truly you will be happy for them, even if that means they decided to 'date' someone, as a friend would you be cool enough to let him/her do so? I beleive if you truly love someone you accept their descissions if they find a 'boyfriend' or 'girlfriend'. Some will be sad about it, would you be sad if she found another boyfriend and not accept it? As her friend you have to accept the way things are now and move on from the internet relationship, learn from what you experienced with it and see what happens. Its up to you wether or not you feel comfortable with being her friend still, if not then block her or whatever you feel best is to do. It depends on all diffrent people wether or not they can stay friends with someone they love.