Should I or Should I not dump

[twinkle2]

i have this BF( i love him but-- read below) we have been going out for a year already but i just can't help noticing changes in me in the recent months.

I am not normally a scatterbrained.. was even a valedictorian once and a consistent dean's lister in college but i now feel as if i am the most scatterbrained and disorganized person in the whole world. i feel that because everytime i have something to do or does something, my BF would constantly put in his advice even if it is unsolicited and he wants me to do exactly as he wishes and and if i will not do his biddings, he would chastise me for not following instructions from and for not trusting his judgment.

I really don't know if i should still continue to be with him or to dump him entirely and seize my own happiness?

I know i love him but should i also love myself more?

Please advise

[Lacey]

sweetie, take care of yourself, doesn't sound like this guy is worth your time.

[twinkle2]

I know he is not at all bad but that is one trait that i do not like about him and its ruining me... I have qualms about dumping me because i think i still love him but i do not know just how much am i willing to go further and just how long will my self-esteem hold up...

[twinkle2]

Thanks for your advice Lacey... i will think about it well...

[Paxes]

Please try to talk to him about this first and communicate to him, make him listen (really listen) and realize that you are serious ... Please give him the efforts and patience to fix it if you love him ... Sighhhh my gf dumped me before communicated to me what was wrong ... It hurted me so bad and made me think that she did not love me enough to even try to address the issues or have the patience to see me try... I am struggling so much knowing I had my chances albeit tiny to fix it and yet I let them slipped away. People will give you advices without knowing the whole story and that is not fair . Please think of the examples every time he did that to you, list them and tell him ... Also make a conscious effort to remind him everytime he does that and tell him to give you room to be yourself too.. It all depends on how much efforts you want to put into it. Good luck

[Kiechi]

Should I or Should I not dump

Rather out than in I say.

[misombra]

tell him if he doesn't accept you as you are then take a hike. and fall.

[bohemiandonut]

Hmmm...

I think I may be picking up on something no one else has been bold enough to mention.

Twinkly, can you really blame your boyfriend for your own "scatterbrainedness?" Sounds like he is just trying to help. I can understand the frustration if he is constantly second-guessing you and chastising, but are you adverse to listening to him? Do you ever ask his advice? What's the point of bringing up a problem if you don't want input?

We may have stumbled onto a fundamental difference between your boyfriend and you. Some girls tend to talk mainly for the purpose of talking. Your boyfriend on the other hand, like most men, talk mainly for explicit purposes. When you bring up a problem or situation, he thinks you want his advice. Also, does he give good advice? Maybe you should just take it if it's good. Do you go your own way and mess things up sometimes? If so, your boyfriend probably just wishes you had listened to him so that you would have been better off.

His chastising may be really just be sympathy and frustration. Your own pride might twist his words into something he really didn't mean.

I don't think you should break up with him hastily. I think you should COMMUNICATE with him. Ever think of that?

Bring up the issue. Tell him you appreciate his support but he needs to trust you a bit more. How he responds to that may decide whether he's worth keeping around. Give him a chance.

Good luck!

[durkapea]

I agree with bohemian. I think you should state your boundaries...and try to be non-confrontational about it. Try saying something like..."I feel ....when you....because...and I need you to....". Trust me, it works....it breaks down the barrier that sometimes happens when we feel we can't get through to somebody. He may be trying to help and that's all great...but you may want something else too. If you state what you want CLEARLY, you might just both get what you want. It's worth a shot.

[twinkle2]

Thanks Bohemian.. I haven't thought of that angle before... maybe you are right. Girls are really so much different from guys... and maybe i am misjudging him a little....

[Junket]

Yeah, and if it really annoys you that much. Say this to him.

Shut up.

Done and done.