Someone Please Tell Me I'm Not Insane!

[Nikolai_Dingle]

Hi,
Im Nicky, Ive been in love with my girlfriend (one week and a day strong at the minute) for over 3 years...and I need someone to tel me I'm not mad. It's really hurting me, we're going out but she doesnt love me back. I know its only been a week and a day but im already getting paranoid that shes gonna dump me cos im too clingly, or something else like that. I care about her sooooo much and never want to lose her. I got a paranoia problem, usually when in relationships i mess things up becuase i get so paranoid. I was wondering if any one knows any tips to get me thinking straight again, and if any one can suggest a way for me to let her know that i care soooo much about her.

Any help will be greatfully recieved, as im losing sleep and not eating over this...i know it sounds stupid but this girl means sooo much to me.

thnx
Nikolai

[lovestruck]

keep it cool. if you don't want to mess things up.. give her time to realize that she loves you back. you don't want her to say i love you just because you wanna hear it, right? besides, its only been a week and a day , i realized i loved my husband just recently. I've known him for 8 years.

[Nikolai_Dingle]

i just want her to feel the same way as i feel about her. Its hard, i think its cos she is sooo perfect that i feel like this, i struggle to get girlfriends at the best of times because im shy, so when i asked her out and she said yes i was over the moon! Ive known this girl for 4 years nearly, and ive always wantd to be more than friends. i know its only been a short relationship so far, but it does feel longer as we have been friends for sooo long.
Thnaks for the advice about relaxing a bit, i think ill just hang with my mate for a while, get back into the whole routine of playing computer games and eating pizza!

NIkolai

PS do u know any way that i can let her know how i feel about her without actually saying it (im very very shy)

[lovestruck]

Any Girl Would Always Appreciate A Nice Compliment.

Ex: " you look nice with your hair like that.." " that dress looks good on you "

LET HER SENSE THAT YOUR CHECKING HER OUT, BUT DON'T OVER DO IT SHE MIGHT THINK YOU'RE A PERV.

[Tone]

I'm not clear here, you've been in love with her for 3 years but you've only been dating for 1 week? Am I right?

And just relax, you can't force someone to feel how you want them to. You can't force someone to love you. She's going out with you for a reason, let things develop naturally. Remember - you're the nut job that's been in love with her for 3 years, from the sounds of it she's only been interested in you for a week or so.

Chill.

[Lloyd95]

I'd propose to her if I were you....right now.

[Junsui]

I'd propose to her if I were you....right now.

lol I agree

[Tone]

shafiee is that you???

[MVPlaya]

She's not perfect, you're just that desperate. I can't really give any advice since the damage has already been done, just let everything be a learning experience and pay attention to the following themes:

1. Women don't like clingy men.
2. You should always be in charge of emotions, especially love.
3. Sycophancy gets you nowhere.
4. Paranoia drives women away.


If you think you're going to lose her, you are. Control your emotions and state of mind. Easier said than done of course, so just remember everything is a learning experience and be rational, look at the bigger picture.

The one thing that you should never do, by the way, is place a woman on a pedestal. Most guys who claim women are perfect don't actually find the woman perfect, they just never have the opportunity to truly go out with woman, so the one woman that does give them positive signals makes these guys lovestruck. Why? Because what other time will you find a girl who shows interest in you? Its evolutionary and you dump all your emotions on her, you become infatuated, usually for no reason other than she was nice to you. However, women are not perfect, the girl you're with almost certainly isn't, you just have her up on a pedestal because you're desperate.

"Ive been in love with my girlfriend (one week and a day strong at the minute) for over 3 years"

"its only been a week and a day but im already getting paranoid that shes gonna dump me"

"im too clingly"

"I care about her sooooo much"

"never want to lose her"

"usually when in relationships i mess things up becuase i get so paranoid"

"i care soooo much about her"

"im losing sleep and not eating over this"

"this girl means sooo much to me"


You have low self esteem. But you're mentally just fine.

Just remember: Learning Experience.

[Ellynn]

Slow Down!!

yes even though you have known her a long time.....maybe she hasn't had feelings for you nearly as long! So its normal that she doesn't say she loves you. Honestly I don't tell a guy that until I feel it....which is usually months into the relationship.

And clingy guys can be a turnoff. If you smother someone they are gonna get freaked out and run....in the opposite direction. You need to just go with the flow and take it a day at a time.

A week or even a month is WAY too soon to feel that. But for you......you have obviously liked her for a long time.....so I can see how you feel it. Just kinda keep your feelings of love under wraps for a while.....until you have been together longer then a few months. Then see what she says.

[Mish]

"I was wondering if any one knows any tips to get me thinking straight again" by Nikolai_Dingle

Well, you can't force someone to fall in love with you. Even if you know that the other person honestly loves you, it can still be hard to tell whether they are genuine or just pretending. I can tell that doubt leads to speculation and speculation leads to paranoia in no time at all and it can easily destroy any relationship big or small. You will just have to put faith in a theory that she loves you to begin with and that she will return your love in time. Try to show her that you are somebody who gives more than he takes and expects nothing in return (Theoritically speaking - there's no need to give up your life for her). Soon enough if things continue going well, she will aceppt you on that level!

Hope above helps!!!