Gf with butch lesbian, long story, please read advice needed!

[LondonM]

I'm 29 and my gf is 25

5 years on and off (no separation longer than 1 month) and have been talking about moving together recently and she is unhappy we don't live together.

My gf had just been on a hen do to benidorm ( sat-wed), prior to this we met up on the Thursday evening and everything was fine we had a good time 🙂 Etc and when we was chatting about her upcoming holiday she told me this :- is she sharing a room with 2 girls and 1 of them is a butch lesbian who is a door lady , and she was laughing saying her friend said the lesbian always trys it on with straight girls and can be a bit to much.

Anyway so she goes on holiday, we hardly speak (quite unusual not to speak all day) when we did speak it was like she didn't want to really but she tells me she's been out drinking every night and spending all the time with the lesbian (similar age group, roommates) and tells me she snogged her In a club as a dare.

My gf doesn't really go out clubbing, maybe once every 2 months, and is not a drinker at home etc but will drink a lot and get drunk when she is out clubbing.

She is slim and and attractive but a bit naive and impressionable also can be a bit wild when drunk.

I wasn't happy with what was happening and thinking the butch lesbian is getting drunk with her eveynight and trying it on with her, maybe taking advantage of my gf and she is not saying no and cheating on me, the next day she was flying home so I thought to speak about it then with her..

HERE IS WHERE IT GETS CRAZY

When she gets back she's being off with me on txt but also talking bad about her best mate (she never has in 5years) , we arrange to meet up for a quick the next night to chat. When we do, she is saying she had a really good time etc and liked spending time with this lesbian girl (tells me bulshit stories the lesbain told her that my gf believes etc)

We chat for 30min and she is txting then says she's in a hurry and going to her friends for a bit around 9pm tells me where it is (it's the lesbians flat but I didnt know yet), i drive past at 1am and her car is still there, I tried to ring her no answer.

The next day I wake up and she has txt me saying she was asleep, I asked where and she said home (lying because her car was at lesbian friend flat) i said I drove past yours and you car wasn't there ( i hadn't done really) she lies and says her mum was out in the car lol so I tell her I seen it at the flat, she then admits she stayed there till 3am but I wasn't bothered I just didn't know why she was lying because it was very out of character for her to be doing something like this, I then realise the flat is the lesbians flat from holiday when she tells me her name again!

We fall out and argue over it for a day because i said she shouldn't have lied
to me, she apologises and says she didn't think I'd like her being out that late.

We talk and she ask me to her text her the next day when I'm up to try arrange meeting up, i txt the next day and she ignores all day (very unlike her, she asked me to txt her to arrange meeting up and we always do like this) i tried 2 ring her at tea time and no answer and I drive past the lesbians flat and her car is there but at the back this time around 11pm.

She Rings me the next day and says she's very confused and doesn't know what's going on in her head and wanted time alone (although she wasn't alone) , And wants to meet up and talk about things so we do, she tells me nothing is going on but she likes spending time with the girl but the girl wants a relationship with her but my gf is saying she's just a very good friend (she just met her a week ago) and nothing is happening but doesn't want to hurt her feelings by not going to see her, I tell her she is disrespecting me saying she's home lying etc she agrees and says sorry.

When we was talking Her phone got a msg and it was the girl I saw the name so i asked if it was her and she said no it wasn't and grabbed her phone away.

I then leave the room for a few minutes and when I come back her attitude is totally changed and she is saying she needs to be single to sort her head out etc and be alone for to think but she also tells me she will be going to see her new friend. All the time we talk she tells me she hasn't done anything sexual at all just the dare snog on holiday. I dropped her off home and by chance 30minutes later I see her drive past with the lesbian girl. I ring her and ask where she is and she says at home lol, I tell her iv just seen her and i never want to speak to her again for lying, big argument on the phone (she was with the girl at the time) and that's it.


I really don't have a clue what is happening, she is acting so out of character (bad mouthing friends, drinking every night at her new friends cus she stressed, ignoring phone and lying etc)

I really feel like my gf is being controlled a bit and by this butch lesbian who has been taking advantage of her on holiday and carried on pressuring her to meet etc when they have got back and to drink.

My gf has become distant to me, friends and family all this week and it seems something is not right, iv asked her and she Denies it all and says she is happy to go there and spend time with her, but when the lesbian was txtin her constant when she knew was meeting up it felt like she was telling her what to say.

I really don't know what to do, I want to leave my gf and never speak to her again but I obviously care for her and I'm worried this could not be a healthy friendship/possible relationship for her,

I want to tell her sister all about this (don't know her to well but have met and spoke) because only I know and hopefully she can speak to her about it, do you think i should?

What should i do?

They never knew each other before , the hen do was a mutual friend and all the women where from the same area, hence how the flat is so close to my gf house so the holiday friendship has carried on.

Any advice and help appreciated, thanks.

[Hooo!]

I don't see why you cannot leave her and still care for her
You can be angry at her and still care

If she choose this lesbian girl who is obviously lying and talking bad about others then that is a decision she is making in her life
You can tell her your worries and which her good luck and still be angry and still leave her