Guys, I messed up big time I think, what now?

[donthaveaclue]

I been on a few dates with this guy. He's a shy guy, but he's really nice and sweet. Friday night we were out I told him I have a son, a 20 yr old son.

He said that it made no difference to him, when he dropped me home he said it was nice seeing me again.

I am 8 yrs older than the guy I am seeing, I'm 38 hes 30.

I sent him a text Sunday, (just to try and keep things normal),just asking how his Sunday was going, he's not replied, he's not the best at replying unless he has something to say.
I get delivery reports done and he got the text.

I've known the guy for a few years now, don't ask me how, but I thought that during that time I must've said something about my son! It was on our 3rd date that I said something about John (son), and he asked me who John was, then I realised he'd no clue I had a son, never mind a 20 yr old!

What do you think is going on in this guys head right now?
I really don't want this to be the end, my son is past needing a father.
My friends tell me to give him time and if he likes me enough he'll get in touch, how much time should I give him?
What else, if anything can I do about this?

[Chupacabras]

It may have nothing at all to do with your son; third or fourth date is usually where I decide whether I want to move forward towards exclusivity or cut bait and start with someone new. If it were me and you hadn't gotten either a text or phone call within three days, you wouldn't be getting one.

Different people do things differently, don't really know his style. All you can really do is wait and see if he'll call, but there's no reason to wait on him. Either he calls or doesn't, go on dates with other guys; don't invest too much emotional energy on someone you're still in the very early stages of dating.

[Primo]

I'm inclined to agree with Chupacabras on this one. I don't see where it'd have anything to do with your son since he's a grown adult.

Unless something totally out of the ordinary is going on with him, I'd say him not texting you back by now is a sign that he's just decided it's not going anywhere. I'm with Chupa, by the third date I'm either crazy about you or am looking elsewhere.

[loudrims_inc]

yea X3 on both responses above me...by that 3rd date, a decison should have been made

[johnboy12]

I been on a few dates with this guy. He's a shy guy, but he's really nice and sweet. Friday night we were out I told him I have a son, a 20 yr old son.

He said that it made no difference to him, when he dropped me home he said it was nice seeing me again.

I am 8 yrs older than the guy I am seeing, I'm 38 hes 30.

I sent him a text Sunday, (just to try and keep things normal),just asking how his Sunday was going, he's not replied, he's not the best at replying unless he has something to say.
I get delivery reports done and he got the text.

I've known the guy for a few years now, don't ask me how, but I thought that during that time I must've said something about my son! It was on our 3rd date that I said something about John (son), and he asked me who John was, then I realised he'd no clue I had a son, never mind a 20 yr old!

What do you think is going on in this guys head right now?
I really don't want this to be the end, my son is past needing a father.
My friends tell me to give him time and if he likes me enough he'll get in touch, how much time should I give him?
What else, if anything can I do about this?

well a telltale clue is "i have known him for a few years" and this is a third date. Err he is probably wrestling with whether or not to keep you as a friend or move to romantic interest. if it bothers you then call him and ask. He might be afraid to lose one for the other. You raised a kid , ask the guy if he is interested in you or not. lets go sister.

[donthaveaclue]

Although I've known him for years we never got past 'smalltalk', you know, making polite conversation with him, we were not friends as such.
Anyway today I passed him in his car, and he waved. Would he still be waving if he didn't want to know?

[Chupacabras]

...Would he still be waving if he didn't want to know?

Yes, he probably has manners.

[PortlandHeart]

This is a classic, of trying to get into a guys head. Really, it could be a bunch of different things: distracted at work, met a new gal, is worried about his mother's health, he might get laid off, he found a new computer game, and so on. Instead of guessing, have you had a discussion with him?

Not sure if this is your thing, but when I'm confused, I've spammed Love Forum with ads for psychics disguised as posts. Maybe you should try that.


Strike One, Portland...

[pisces7378]

It is most likely not your son. I am a 30 year old man, and if I were with an awesome woman that had a 20 year old son, I wouldn't give a single solitary shit. If she had a 10 year old son... that'd be something different. ANY man who is dating a 38 year old woman is definitely prepared that she might have kids.

The age difference might be messing with him. You might have freaked out and over-texted him or telegraphed neediness. Or you know what... more likely than anything, you are reading too much into all this, and he is just busy.

You see, this is where it all gets crazy. You send a text, and he doesn't respond, so you start to panic. Mostly because 15 minutes feels like an eternity to you, because you have attached hopes and expectations to the text. But to him, it is just a text. He could have been in a conversation. He could have been at work. Hell, he could have been cooking himself dinner. And even if none of that is the case... some people are just not nurturers, and don't feel the need to respond to your text(s).

To me, that is the worst thing about texts and this new communication 2.0 we've got going on in the world. But here were are... so **** it. Don't over think it. Always be honest. Don't be needy. Wait until you see him in person, and then judge how he behaves. YOU WILL KNOW if there is something up. You are an intuitive woman. You only have to battle with whether or not you can handle what your intuition is barking at you.

[Gigabitch]

You didn't mess up at all. You were straightforward, honest. Just being who you are, and he knows damned well you have a son, he just forgot.

To me, it sounds like he's the one that messed up. He might be mortified that he's paid such little attention to you and your life that he forgot about this.