Should I make the first move?

[mayabee]

Hi all,

So I'm searching for some unbiased advice cause I'm running out of ideas. See, I've been having this problem for so much time now, and the only opinions I get are from close friends and family so I'm not sure how objective they are. Hoping this helps! Sorry, this is going to be sort of a long post.

So, I'm 24 years old and I met this guy four years ago. When I met him he was the stereotypical "bad boy with a kind soul", very antisocial, very moody but kind, caring and sweet in his own weird way. I instantly fell in love with him - you know, you see someone and you just *know* he's the one for you, despite everything - and getting to know him we grew into friends, while I kept falling deeper in love.

We were going out with our common friends for about six months. I didn't dare make a move, I was very naive and young, but I told my friends and one of them told him I loved him. Stupid stuff, but... I didn't want it that way anyway. He didn't react, but then all of a sudden he had an affair with one of the girls in the company. It broke my heart, cause I didn't see it coming, they went on and off for four years and I slowly drifted away - I couldn't bear not being with him. During those years I know she cheated on him many times and all our friends thought they'd be better off apart than together, lots of emotional abuse and all. So finally, four years later, they split up. For good this time.

During their previous splipt ups, he would show up again with an excuse: let's play this game on the PC, let's read this comic, let's do this and let's do that. He'd hang around for a week or so, until they were together again and he'd disappear. The thing is, he's not the kind of guy who would do that just to pass his time - she didn't like me and didn't want him around me, and he didn't want to make her feel bad. I know him well enough to understand that, he never said anything to me but it was obvious to all involved.

Since their final split-up he has approached me again and we started hanging out together one more time. Now we're closer than I ever dreamt we could be - as friends -, he has outgrown 70% of his antisocial behavior and he's very funny, very sweet and fun to be with. I love him with all my heart and of course I would do whatever it takes to have a second chance with him.

Now, I've been receiving some cues lately... For instance he started touching me randomely, those excuse touches, you know, while he used to avoid this kind of gestures in the past. He also teases me a lot and he makes jokes with me all the time. When there's something on TV he knows I like, he lets me know. One night we even got to drinking together, and I was hesitant cause I don't normally drink at all. I told him this could prove dangerous for him, jokingly, but he insisted I kept drinking, till we were left alone, semi-drunk in my room but nothing happened. I could tell he was tense though and I caught him staring at me a couple of times.

My cousin says he looks at me "At a certain way, it's obvious he likes you" but I can't really put my finger to it. One minute I'm thinking "heck, it's obvious he's attracted to me as well", next minute I'm "what if it's all friendly behavior?" Truth is he seems to treat me different than the other girls in the company, but still, I'm way too insecure to try my luck.

Everyone I've talked to says he's way too shy and insecure and he'd never go for the first move, so that leaves that to me. However, when I talk with him about relationships he has this stereotype of the guy doing the first move. Nevertheless, he's had two affairs in his life so far and both of them were initiated by the girls.

My question is, should I go ahead and make the first move? How risky would it be at this point? It's been seven months since he split up with his ex. Would this be a good time? And is there any possible way in the universe that I can tell beforehand whether he will react positively or not? Sorry for the dumb questions but I'm totally at a loss here, I've never done anything like this before and I'm scared to hell I might scare him away. And that's the last thing I want, I can't bear not having him in my life again.

And my last question is, how on earth do you make the so called first move? I mean, practically! Do you just go out and kiss him? What the heck do you do?

Sorry if I tired you, but any input would be much appreciated, I'm starting to go crazy here!

Thanks!

[Tone]

You sound so sweet!

I hope this guy isn't a jerkoff, he just gives me a bad feeling the way you describe him... like how he knew you liked him but then went for the girl at the office. I don't know him though so I can't really say anything.

It's easier when guys ask this cause we can just say "Man up and ask her! You're the man she's the woman, make the move..."

Sooooo I'd tell you - in my opinion - maybe step up the flirting a bit - show him with your body language how much you like him, if you're feeling it - kiss him - he'll kiss back. It sounds like he does like you, and chances are if you keep goin with the flow, he'll be the man and make the first move.

[Hikauri]

I wonder if the kiss just "happened"...you know you guys are just hanging out, maybe drinking a bit, and then it just "happens"...wow...

your story is so cool, I hope this works out. I honestly don't know....if he feels he should make the first move, maybe he's just afraid of asking you. Maybe he's afraid of getting hurt again. My advice: Tone's right. Keep hinting to him that you are definitely there for him, give him all the chances to say it to you, and make it obvious that if he does confess, it's what you want, as well. Of course, not too obvious, to the point of desperation... That's what I would want a potential lady friend to do, if we were that into each other.

your guys' relationship is so sweet, I hope it turns out the way you want it!

[Ratfish256]

If I were that guy, and you came out and kissed me, I would probably be the happiest guy around. I dont really know what to tell you other than this ->

Life is way too short to have what ifs. You know the old saying? "Good things come to those who wait?" That saying is a load of bs. It should read, "Good things come to those who get up off their ass and do something about it". In your case, if I were you I would do something. I dont know what though. If you wernt already hanging out id say start doing that. Maybe grab him by the shoulders and give him a great big kiss?

[Tone]

LoL that's awesome Ratfish, so true too.

[gHEXjt]

Just go for it. That situation sounds a lot like one I was in terms of hanging out, and me being very shy, and she just went for it and kissed me. It was probably the happiest I've ever been. Just do it.