Do I just fail horribly at dating?

[rayna]

I feel like I've tried everything: dated guys I really liked from the beginning, dated guys I didn't initially feel the attraction with, dated guys that chased after me, dated guys that I chased after, dated guys who were totally my type, dated guys who were not my type...etc. The list can go on and on.

The results have always been the same. If I'm not the one to end things due to an imbalance in attraction, I'm often left hanging.

I don't get it. I meet these guys that seem so interested and we talk a lot and get along fine when we're together, but once we are back to our own lives its like I don't exist. Or if its not this hot cold treatment, I just get a smooch buddy/"best guy friend" that is never ready for a relationship.

What could I be doing wrong? So many first/second dates that end in nothing?! I'm halfway through my 20s and have never been in a serious long term relationship.

When I think about it, I've never once confessed that I liked a guy to the guy. Is that not normal? Are actions not enough?.

[bearz]

I've never once confessed that I liked a guy to the guy. Is that not normal? Are actions not enough?.

We can't read your mind, even though actions speak louder than words... you still need both to be really sure how the other person feels. Words and actions compliment each other and give the other person a bit more assurance.

[Love'sReject]

Something is wrong with you. Maybe you have a disappointment syndrome? sociopathic? Stoic?

[rayna]

Something is wrong with you. Maybe you have a disappointment syndrome? sociopathic? Stoic?

Ice queen?

[Love'sReject]

Lol. Could be. I'm no expert, but I imagine it isn't the guys but something internal to you. Figure that out, and maybe that'll solve it.

[VincenzoG91]

Dating is hard, but if you can't get past the second date after all these dates, something is wrong with you, and you just don't see it. Do you have a close friend that you can trust to tell you the truth? Maybe it's something obvious, like you are texting compulsively during these dates, or there is some kind of hygiene problem. Maybe you have an obnoxious laugh, or bad teeth, or an unfortunate resemblance to Lindsay Lohan. Maybe the next time you have a first date, you can plan to meet the guy at a restaurant, and your friend can show up and watch from nearby. A close friend of mine in college was a great guy in so many ways, but he didn't bathe regularly and chewed with his mouth open. Now he is happily married, has two kids and a great job. Anyway, a real friend should be able to identify your problem and tell you.

[ilia]

hello dear,
dating is difficult, GETTING YOURSELF OUT THERE is difficult. many people have the same problematic situation that you do so dont feel sociopatic or anything.
there are many ways to get more confident about yourself, it aint easy but with some effort and exercise you can be better, slightly everyday.
these videos could be a help, many people find it useful: idlovetodothat.com/media-gallery/mediaitem/90-personal-development-how-to-walk-into-a-room-and-own-it-idlovetodothat-com

hope it helps!!
all the best

[michelle23]

Maybe you gotta stop trying. You could be looking too hard for mr right. He may just land in front of you one day if you close your eyes for awhile. Get out, meet people, socialize, join a few hobbies, spend time with friends etc. It will happen if you just stop looking so hard

[freshlylit]

Don't expect anyone to be perfect. And also expect most guys your age to have a giant fear of committing to anything. These guys from your past were doing you a favor by not sticking around, because obviously they weren't the right one. I have a lot of trouble in my social life, similar things tend to happen to me, someone will be friendly a few times to me, and then from there they borderline ignore me even if I say hello. I can't figure out what it is about me that repels just about everyone, its like I neither negative nor positive charge, just null, and people can't or don't want to connect.

Maybe you've got the null energy like me. Is it trouble with friends in general? or just love life troubles? Sometimes I feel like the only person who has such horrible social skills because even people I would consider strange laugh and joke with others that treat me as though..... I were some type of criminal.

Good luck to you though, I know you will find someone amazing who would do anything for you. Maybe try a shy guy? haha... I've heard from a reliable source that they have a lot to offer just a little more work to get them open.

[Kromat83]

What could I be doing wrong? So many first/second dates that end in nothing?!

When I think about it, I've never once confessed that I liked a guy to the guy. Is that not normal? Are actions not enough?.

There is your problem, you need to make some tells that you like him, do you
get closer to that person, when you see that there might be some attraction ?

Do you let them keep guessing ?
I usually tell the person i am with, if i feel something, like
" it's always fun when we are around", " you make me happy, each time
i see you and if i am quite comfortable expressing myself to you."

You seem to think that guys can read into everything that you do.

Girls need to be told the signals sometimes, as much as we do with you.

Nothing is set in stone, so we need to express what type of person we are, and if we feel that this is the person that will make me happy for a long period of time, someone has to engage the contact.

I know they say actions speak louder then words, but honesty can help too, so don't waste your opportunity, when he could just be told what you are feeling, and then it can help the two of you.

[rayna]

I appreciate all the input so far!

In my defense, I'm not getting rejected by all the guys I date after the first 1 or 2 dates. I usually reject the ones that want to keep going (but I feel a disconnect with them). So maybe I'm attracted to guys who are incompatible with me?

I've asked close friends and family before about my dating troubles. Answers I've gotten are: you pick jerks, you meet people in the wrong places, you come off as cold sometimes, and your image contradicts your personality/values. I guess it's a load of problems I need to tackle. And it does seem true...when I try so hard looking for Mr. Right, I just keep finding Mr. Wrongs. Then when I try to take a break from the dating scene, I bump into someone unexpected.