My boyfriend's past girlfriends & one-night stands are affecting me

[jaslovesant]

I love my boyfriend so much - I've been with him for 9 months and a half. But lately I've felt a lot of, I suppose, jealousy. My boyfriend has slept with 10 girls, I'm the 10th. One of which was a model, another was a good mate of his and she is very pretty and goes to my college. He is always wonderin' how she is and stuff...but I feel totally jealous because she is so pretty!!
His ex girlfriend cheated on him, and she is also very, very pretty. She goes to my college also and whenever I see her when with my mates I stop talking 'cause I know she's there and she seems more outgoing and fun than me. I always think, "What if he goes back to her?", "I wonder if he thinks they're better/prettier/more fun/better in bed than me". He slept with that model too, and I remember him sayin before we started going out that she was amazing in bed. I just can't cope, I don't know how to get over it. One friend from college told me to talk to my boyfriend about it but I really haven't got the guts. I want to know if my boyfriend feels like this too when he walks past one of my ex's - but i doubt he does. I just need to sort it out, I'm wondering if anyone else has this problem too!
thank you, jas

[Broken smile]

Hi jas!

the good news is you dont have a relationship problem! the bad news is you have a low self esteem! i am a sufferer of this also and its not pleasent!

this is probably not something you want to discuss with your partner! i am currently seeing a counseller with regard to my low self esteem!

from your post it obvious you are putting yourself down and worry you may not be pretty enough or good enough for your parnter!

he obviously thinks you are because he is with you. unless he is a very shallow man and i cant judge on that! he will not leave you because someone is pretty or good in bed! These past relationships of his didnt work for a reason and you need to remember he is with you not them however much you think they may be prettier than you etc! but most likely they are not! we are our own worst critics and see faults in ourselves that others cant!

you need to learn to love yourself and then you will find this jealous feeling dissapearing! if you can be confident in who you are you will realise that if someone were to leave you for another person or go behind you back you were a better person than them all along. unfortunately not all relationships will work and we will get hurt in life. but if we can just tell ourselves its not a reflection on us just a reflection on how ther other people feel.

look at yourself inthe mirror tell yourself you are beautifull and worthy of this mans affections! if you cant do that then maybe you should look deeper into where your own insecurites come from! i know this can lead to desperation and dissapointment dont let it get that far! you are worth more than beating yourself up!

good luck

[jaslovesant]

Thank you very, very much. It just kills when I see them!!! I am so bad that I wish his ex girlfriend's face would get ruined over night or something...Sounds evil but that's how bad it is!! lol.
Thanks for the help I appreciate it and it's relieving not to be the only one. x

[jaslovesant]

Can I ask you all something...are boys likely to lie about the amount of people they've slept with?

[lisa85]

Of course they are.. Especially if he knows that you are insecure about this.. Often they say that they have slept with more then they have just to brag, but I think that they often lie to girlfriends and say that they have slept with less then they have because she is so insecure about herself, and he know that if he tells the truth it will only cause a lot of trouble in their relationship..

[confusedsoul]

Hey I disagree!
Men would rather make their gf lil jealous by saying that they slept with 20 women, rather than undermining their "record"..lol
Maybe in ur case, if he already knew that u are very insecure, then he could have given u a lower figure..Also the fact that he laid a model suggest that the figure of 10 would be on lower side... hey but thats just my hunch, dont go by it!

PS: was it in some teen movie... the girl says she slept with 1 guy which the guys figure out as atleast 3 (that she must be lying and its usually 3 times more!)...and the guy says 2-3 and the girls figure out that he might have never got laid!!!