How to start a fling with a friend who is going to disappear soon?

[Indus18]

Yeah, I know, pretty weird title, but I'm South Asian, and when it comes to conservative families (like this girl's) things are never simple.

So basically, I'm not asking for political commentary on how wrong and patriarchal arranged marriage is, and how emotionally unhealthy she is for entertaining the idea. I've had these discussions both with her and with other South Asians, and, with the conservative families, some people rebel and end up being ousted, and some stay and become a part of hte ritual.

That spiel being said, there's this girl. She's Muslim, I'm Hindu, her family is crazy conservative, and made her move back in with them after college. She is only 23, and her parentsare already forcing her to meet guys from her hometown in India even though she's lived in America her whole life. She is allowed to say no, but knows that she's expected to eventually say yes to oneof them, and sooner rather htan later. She accepts that, and all her friends (she went to an ultra-ultra-liberal arts school) from school have given up on talking to her about it. She loves her family a lot, and would not want to be outcasted, especially from all her brothers and sisters, and she has family members who have great marriages that were arranged, and she's living with the idea that the guy she picks will be great too. Whatever.

So the first time I met her I was just incredibly attracted to her. I've never been so attracted to anyone. ANd she was extremely flirtatious with me, very touchy-feely, telling me I looked like this bollywood actor whom she loves. I stayed away because she ahd a boyfriend. She broke up with him recently and from my conversations with her, I know dating her would have NO long term potential, which is usually something I want, but BECAUSE of all the other baggage and other stuff going on in her life, I decided just to be a really good friend. Now, she's basically told me she wants a fling or two before she's locked down, but I don't think she's interested in me that way anymore after becoming such a good friend. I want to be one of those flings! She's SO attractive, and this is just one of those "I'll always wish I had" moments. How do I get her to start looking at me in a non-platonic way again without withdrawing any of my emotional support for her during rough times?

Complicated problem, I know, but have you ever just wanted to hook up w/ someone so badly it hurts? Yeah, it's on my mind EVERY time i talk to her now.

She's going to be married within a year, and I"m pretty sure she'll move away and I won't really be seeing much of her anymore. This is my only chance.

[Gigabitch]

I think you should just lay it out there. Tell her you're available for any sowing of wild oats she might require. Give her a smile and a wink, and if she turns you down, you haven't lost anything.

[Indus18]

Giga,

I've noticed you can always be counted on for the straightforward approach, but I feel like this particular situation might need a little more finessing for several reasons.

One, she's not the kind of girl who would start hooking up if someone said he wanted to, she needs to convince herself there is a purpose to it. For instance, she never straight out said "i just wanna hook up w/ people until I have to get married." She did say "I know I'm going ot marry a muslim from (blah blah blah area of blah blah blah), but that doesn't mean I don't want to date someone before that, even with guys who I know I could never end up with due to my family."

My main issue is getting her to see me in the same way that it was clear she used to. I purposely pushed myself in the friend zone because her life was too complicated for my taste. Now, with the BF out of the way, although in the grand scheme of things her life is VERY complicated, there is potential for an uncomplicated, casual, friendly, hooking up type relationship, I'm just not sure how to get her to realize I'm a good candidate for it. She used to flirt with me INTENSELY, now, never.

What gets a woman to see a friend differently? I've never been in this kind of situation before, because if I like a girl, I make it obvious BEFORE I get locked into this kinda shit.

The other issue is that all my friends are mutual friends of hers. Some guys, some girls, and they're all very protective of her, so I need my approach to be discreet. For instance her best friend and my best friend is a guy who would probably want to kick the shit out of me if I asked her to hook up and she WASN"T into the idea and told him. Her other best friend, also a REALLY good friend of mine, is a GREAT girl who is really really into me, and our friendship is already in a precarious spot because I basically turned down her romantic advances. If she found out I asked her best friend to hook up with me, I think she'd never speak to me again, and I really really don't want to lose her friendship. She's probably the most cherished friend I have. Add to the mix about 10 other good, mutual friends, and I really REALLY don't want to be the asshole who asked the darling of our group to be his hookup buddy.

These are the reasons I need it to be initiated by HER. I'm not worried about the discretion part; she's super-secretive as it is, and even if she wanted to date, as long as it didn't come across as sleazy, I'd be ok. But if, by chance, seh's insulted, I'm the new guy in this group (everyone else is friends for like 5 years, and I'm just teh 1 year guy), I'm pretty sure I'll be ostracized...