crazy little girl...

[TheElite]

alright alright alright... I've read all the stories on long distance relationships and people trying to decide to break up because of someone cheating. But is there anything else that determines what you should do.

I guess what I'm trying to say is I need help deciding what to do too. Recently I have ran into a problem with my girlfriend. I'm in a long distance relationship with her right now because im in college a couple hours away from her. The last week of the semester (right before I was coming home to see her for the Christmas break) she had been telling me of a guy she had met and was talking to. I thought it was alright and didn't say anything about not talking to her new friend. But when she told me she called him one time to talk to him about homework I started getting concerned and simply told her to be careful and make sure he isnt talking to her to try and get with her. She told me there was nothing to worry about and he didnt say anything that would show he liked her. She started telling me more about him and I got more concerned and decided to try to watch more closely what she was talking with him about. I was on my girlfriend email and saw a couple emails from this guy she had been talking to and discovered that he wasnt being very "innocent" in the things he was telling her( she didn't sound very innocent either). So I started logging what her conversations online with him were like.

What I found wasn't very pretty. What was strange to me was that every time I told her to be careful when talking to him, she would get mad at me and tell me not to worry at all. I guess the main reason I'm writing about my situation is I dont know if what she told him is horrible and I should break up with her right now, or is it something i should try to forget about. Some of the things I found in the conversation she had with him were: "i even thought about you when i was with my boyfriend", "why didn't you give me the kiss on the cheek?", "mi erick bonito, me quieres o me amas?(do you love me or like me?)", "tell me good things about myself because it makes me feel good(which she always told me that)", and something that really disturbs me...she told him exactly where she lives and to only come over when she told him to! Right when I read all of this I decided I had to break up with her. So I went to her house and got on her computer to show her what she typed and why I was breaking up with her. But she started crying and didnt let me show her what she typed and told me not to break up with her and that she loved me a lot. So I decided then that I would forget about what she typed to him(and also that she called him 4 or 5 times, not just once to talk about math homework).

I decided not to break up with her because:

She's young(16) and hasn't had many guys trying to talk to her which means she got too excited when this guy tried talking to her.

Going into this relationship I knew she was young and would do dumb stuff, but I didn't plan on this happening. Anyways...she stopped talking to this guy and I tried to forget about what happened. But! Now the whole situation has come back to hit me in the face and thoughts are going through my mind about how I should have broke up with her. I had planned on breaking up with her right when it happened, but the only thing that stopped me was her crying all over me. So I right before I left her again to go back to college, I sat down with her and talked to her about how I was feeling bad again about the whole situation. I asked her why she had written and told those things to that guy and she told me she wasnt being serious about anything she told him and it was all a joke for her. I asked her why she told him her address and she said she didnt know what she was thinking.

So now I'm back here in college away from her and all the thoughts and emotions are going through my head again. When I read the conversation she had with him and how she lied to me, I immediately think "I need to break up with her"! But when i think about how she is young and now knows that she shouldnt do what she did, I have sympathy for her and want to look forward to a future with her. But I'm not sure if the future is going to be good if I stay with her. If she cheated on me now, does that mean there is a very good chance she will do it again in the future?

Oh yeah, and if anyone has read all this, I'm saying she cheated on me because if I hadn't confronted her about what she typed to him, I'm pretty sure she would have kissed him, this and that, etc....

[Gigabitch]

IMO, once trust is gone, it's gone. You should be gone too.

I think expecting a 16-year-old girl to be responsible with your feelings is unreasonable. She's just too young for an LDR.

[TheElite]

so what you're trying to say is...she can't handle a LDR and thats the reason she started talking to someone else.

[Ellynn]

so what you're trying to say is...she can't handle a LDR and thats the reason she started talking to someone else.

I think 16 is far too young to get into a LDR. Most 16 yr olds can barely handle a regular relationship. Plus, LDR's are hard. The lack of physical contact for starters. Some people can handle them, while others can't. Plus, this guy is probably showing her the attention she is missing from you. Feelings are bound to develop in those situations. Plus, I think you already know where everything is headed. How can you trust her? Aren't you gonna be tempted to check her conversations with him on a daily basis? Plus, isn't that gonna mess with your mind?

[TheElite]

well she stopped talking to him, but yeah....what she might do next is messing with my mind.

[Gigabitch]

well she stopped talking to him, but yeah....what she might do next is messing with my mind.

She stopped talking to him where you could see. Some of the things she's said to him lead me to believe she'll stay in touch with him no matter what she tells you.

[TheElite]

she had only been talking to him for a week and said that stuff. its not like she has been good friends with him for a while. and i told him to leave her alone(im hoping that was the right thing to do). so i think it would be highly unlikely that she keeps talking to him.

[Gigabitch]

I think it's sweet that you think that. I've been around the block too many times to believe it.

Protect yourself. Remember I told you so.

[michaelmorgan]

If you ALLOW her to mess with your mind, she will.
A snake has already been in your paradise, and you just can't keep paradise untouched with a 16 year old lover and in a LDR.

If do you think she thinks like you on a long term, if she makes you happy, it can't be that bad.

However, do not ask for a healthy relationship here because you don't have it anymore.
You should look for a lover that is responsible, not for someone that you must raise day by day.

Eventually, you'll feel insecure everytime she is somewhere with a guy. I wasn't going to tell you to quit, but writing these last words...kind of paints a clear picture to me.
Anyway...try some more of this poisoned heaven and see if you are able to survive But don't make any further expectations.

[TheElite]

I decided to stay with her. I see the situation as if she has now learned how she should react when guys are talking to her. Does that sound reasonable, or am i just being wack? I was talking to one of my friends about her relationship with her boyfriend and she told me that she had cheated on her boyfriend and felt so bad she doesnt want to ever do it again. I think the same is true for my girlfriend, she felt really bad for what she did. If they feel so bad and never want to cheat again, does it mean they won't cheat again?

[Junket]

If they feel so bad and never want to cheat again, does it mean they won't cheat again?

Yeah...never again...wouldn't even cross their mind...the temptation is gone...they couldn't even if they wanted to...it's a sure thing...

[TheElite]

of course the temptation can,and probably will, be there later on, but what are the chances she would want to cheat on me again if she already knows how it messes everything up.

[Mathias]

IMO, once trust is gone, it's gone. You should be gone too.

I think expecting a 16-year-old girl to be responsible with your feelings is unreasonable. She's just too young for an LDR.

Listen to Giga. She knows stuff.

[Tan11]

Interesting story. Just stop by to read

[Junket]

Interesting story. Just stop by to read

Yeah, I picked my nose when I read this.

Thought you all should know.

I'll be sure to make a thread about when I scratch my ass too.