At a crossroads with my partner of 2 years. Time to let go?

[HereComesTheSun]

I was with my 'ex' for around 2 years. I have to say, i have never been happier in my life. I was so happy with him and i could tell the feeling was mutual. We started to fight a lot about stupid things. Mainly caused by both of our jealousy. There was some things i just couldnt let go and he was the same.
The trust started fading, he did something that broke my trust for good and we were doomed. I was constantly angry and resenting him and the fighting just got worse and worse. We eventually had a horrible fight and we ended it.
At first i was upset but then after a few days i started to feel abit better about it. We didnt really speak at all for nearly a month. The more time went by, the more lonely and upset i felt. He text me out of the blue, and we got talking.

We exchanged apologies and told each other we missed each other. As from last sunday we started meeting up. Acting just like we are together. Loving, passionate and my happiness came back. I have fallen for him all over again and i felt the feeling was mutual.
I brought up the conversation of getting back with each other and he said he would rather take it slow. I said i wasnt completely happy about acting like we are together but not actually having any comittment. He sees it as im just trying to complicate things and forcing it. Im not, not at all. I would like to take it slow too.. but i dont want to leave myself open to be seriously hurt.

After this weekend we had a great time, he took me out. Didnt want any man going anywhere near me. Spilled his heart to me how much he loved me etc..

SO today i aksed him if he was ready to commit and be with me. And he told me he didnt want to talk about it.
Im kind of upset. I felt for sure he felt the same way as i do.

I told him i couldnt do this anymore without commitment from him but i still was willing to take it slow.. And he isnt really giving me any feedback.
I told him i would rather just him contact me only when he was ready to be with me. And i will not contact or see him before he does.

Is this the right thing to do? Is it wrong of me to want this from him?
I love him, but i dont want to be messed around either.. Im a little hurt and confused .. So go easy on me.

Thanks.

[HereComesTheSun]

Let him go and kiss him goodbye, romance may blossom elsewhere.

I wish it was that easy.. But i do love him and being with him. I know i should just let go sometimes.. But other times i feel like im destined to be with him. We are amazing together when we are good.. I dont really believe in that kind of thing.. But i just feel that way now.. And i cant forget about him or be happy without him.

[HereComesTheSun]

I'm sure there is someone better out there with all of his qualities and much, much, much more.

Im sure there is.. But it just wont be him.

[jb1111983]

Well in all honesty only you can tell if the relationship/guy is worth fighting for. I know a lot of people on here will advice you to give up and move on. An easy option. Not a bad one either. But if it's something I believe in I wouldn't give up so easily. Look, I'm yet to come across a perfect couple. From what I understand every relationship goes through some really testing times. That's when you decide to either give up or stay strong and survive the storm. Is he who you really want to be with? What kind of life can you expect to look forward to with him? Can you trust him? Do you trust him enough to not hurt you again? Is it really worth it? Leave no room for future regret. Good luck!

[HereComesTheSun]

Thats the problem here though, when im with him i am sure he loves me as much as he says he does. He's not a player either, never has. Im his first real serious relationship but when we are apart i am just not sure he wants to be with me at all. He wont talk to me about the issue at all either, which makes me feel like my needs are just being ignored. I give him everything he wants and needs but he cant talk to me about us?
Its just very unfair i think... After all this time i feel i deserve at least an answer of some sort. I would rather him just say he didnt want to be with me, but he wont say anything. Just says stop complicating things.

To me he is worth the effort, and i would like to 'survive the storm'. But im not sure im surviving anything, i feel like im being used until he finds something better. I dont know..

I try to think about if he is the one i would like to be with long term, but i cannot when i am in this emotional state. Right now i am more concerned about whats happing in the present and cant concentrate on anything logical like i usually do. My emotions are taking over and controlling me right now and its driving me crazy. I feel ill to be honest.. Not physically sick, but just ill in my mind. I cannot explain it.. I dont know why after all this time he just wouldnt be fair enough to give me an answer to stop me feeling insane over this. I would like to move on or stay with him but he has me in limbo.

I feel like if he loves me the way he says he does, he wouldnt want me to feel this way. Is that wrong of me to say? Im just extremely confused.

[Saya]

While you two have broken up, did he had a date or gone out with someone?

If he loves you so much then he would want to be with you no matter what because with love you can work this out if you try hard, you can learn to trust each other again.

Why don't you just tell him the date that you want an answer and if he doesn't answer by that time, you should just forget him and move on?

[jb1111983]

After reading your last post I'm beginning to doubt he really loves you like he says. If you feel that maybe he's waiting for something better to come along you may be right about it. I'm sure he's not so naive not to know what you must be feeling about this whole thing. I don't see how a guy who loves you wouldn't want to reassure you when you're feeling insecure and vulnerable. You see it's usually not a good sign if a guy has you in 'limbo' as you say it. You sure there's no other girl in the picture?

You love him and feel that he's worth every effort but to make things work he's got feel the same way about you. You know always takes two to tango.

[HeartIsAching]

While you two have broken up, did he had a date or gone out with someone?

If he loves you so much then he would want to be with you no matter what because with love you can work this out if you try hard, you can learn to trust each other again.

Why don't you just tell him the date that you want an answer and if he doesn't answer by that time, you should just forget him and move on?

Nice controlling answer there.

"Give me the answer I want by this date: Or I'm gonna break up with you."

[HeartIsAching]

OP: He said no. It's not an unreasonable answer, given the history you two have, and considering that you've only JUST gotten back together.

Live with it for now, or don't. Don't keep pushing to get what you want - anything given under duress will be regretted and reneged on later.

[jb1111983]

While you two have broken up, did he had a date or gone out with someone?

If he loves you so much then he would want to be with you no matter what because with love you can work this out if you try hard, you can learn to trust each other again.

Why don't you just tell him the date that you want an answer and if he doesn't answer by that time, you should just forget him and move on?

I agree with the 'if he loves you he'd want to be with you...' part.

Haha about the 'give me an answer by this date' thing I wouldn't like it if I was him.

[bigdaddy863]

you 2 broke up for a reason y do you think anything has changed or maby he has a new gf already but isnt comftereable enuf to tell you

[HereComesTheSun]

Well, the other girl thing is something i am wondering about. I am 90% sure if he was with someone i would know about it. We live in a SMALL town and everyone knows everything. I am also very good friends with his very good friends, and everyone in town also knows about what is going on with us. I think if there was someone else there would be talk about it. Plus for the past 1-2 weeks we have been together lots and hes never with anyone else, got another call.. We are just like we were before we broke up really. Obviously it is still a possibility that there is someone so i am not going to cross that out.

I know why he has said he isnt ready, but at the same time i dont. As we are pretty much 'dating' anyway. There wouldnt be any difference..
I dont think i can live just like this. I like things to be clear, i hate being in the dark about this stuff, especially when i feel the way i do.. Its driving me absolutely insane.

I want to be able to do this for him, its the only reason i would sit back and wait this out. I want to help him through this as much as i help myself. I care about his happiness deeply. I just wish he did the same for me.. I would never put him through this sh*t and he definitely knows how much this is killing me..

I know what you mean HeartIsAching, if i push for it. I will feel sh*tty about it when and if we are together.. Knowing it wasnt his choice, just mine. This makes me feel even worse.. Because i dont feel i can live like this.. Yet now i dont want to even ask him. I just feel sick..
I think i might just let go.. I dont know where we are supposed to go from here. Thanks for the responses.

[ichandu]

nice post.

[HereComesTheSun]

Just to bump this thread with another question regarding this.

So when i told him i couldnt do this anymore without having some sort of commitment from him? This might be selfish, but i am just trying to be safe and not get my heart broken all over again. He has been saying no, please dont go etc.. The usual, saying he wanted to be with me.. just didnt want to get hurt again either.
I love him with my all, i know he has feelings for me too, but i know as well he is enjoying the sex from this relationship with no strings. He says no, you're not just sex to me.. Blah blah. I know im not just sex to him, but right now i basically am giving him the love and sex he wants with no commitment.

I decided to tell him, that i didnt want to see him until he could make a commitment for me. I will still talk to him everyday, be his 'girl', stay all for him and nobody else. Just not see him, this way i cant feel like he is using me for sex at all.
Is this a good idea? I dont want to force him into anything, or be controlling or nothing like that.. So is this okay to say?

A conversation i had with him over text today makes me believe he wants me for sex more than ever before.. I feel quite insulted. How long should i stick around for if he doesnt want any commitment? I love him, i really do. But i dont want to be anybodies booty call or doormat. I want a loving, fulfilling relationship.. Which im not seeing here...

[MerryH]

Sorry to bring up your old threads, but I think it's necessary.

I was with my 'ex' for around 2 years. I have to say, i have never been happier in my life. I was so happy with him

You sure about that? Did being called a bitch and a whore make you happy? Being accused of sleeping with other men, not allowed to go out with your friends, manipulated, punished - did that make you happy?

I'm sure there were times when he was nice and you were happy, but he was also straight up abusive to you. Maybe he wasn't always like that with you, but he has shown he can and will abuse you. Can he change? Maybe, but you sure as shit shouldn't stick around to find out. Don't risk it. You've got to stop this.

Consider the idea that he's manipulating you right now with this "I want to take it slow" business. Seems a little counterintuitive, but it's working! You are SO wrapped around his finger right now. Look, you posted this thread two days ago and you said you told him you couldn't do it anymore. Now today you're still having conversations with him. You're chasing him!

Stop. Get some help for yourself. Start learning about abuse and how to recognize it. Read this [url=http://refuge.org.uk/get-help-now/help-for-women/recognising-abuse/]Recognising abuse[/url] and check off all of the ones that apply. I found at least five. Pretty sure that's enough to call it abuse, right? Don't let it happen to you anymore.