My ex's friend asked me out

[lastwish]

I kind of like him. And he asked me out. But he's a friend of my ex (who I never want to get back with and we don't even talk anymore). They are "close" friends but not "best" friends. I have no idea what that means because to me those two terms mean the same thing. He kind of backstabbed his friend (my ex) by putting him under a negative light whenever the topic of my ex comes up. Do you think I should date him?

[Gigabitch]

I wouldn't. There are so many options out there- why take a tainted one?

[lastwish]

what do you mean "tainted"? Do you think he is a complete jerk for doing this? Do you think I should give him a chance and ask him about it?

[Gigabitch]

Not a complete one, but I really have to question his judgment. Most guys wouldn't do that.

[Lite]

Look, all of us have friends that we don't necessarily think the best of. If you talk about how you truthfully feel about a person's behavior, how is that backstabbing? For all you know, he's said the same things to his friend openly.

Real friends will criticize you and praise you, false friends give you endless encouragement because "that's what friends do". It takes another level of intimacy as a friend to be able to receive criticism and give criticism to a friend.

[Gigabitch]

Lite, what do you think about the classic "no dating your buddy's ex" rule?

[Lite]

Lite, what do you think about the classic "no dating your buddy's ex" rule?

Depends. Are they an acquaintance, a buddy, or a dear friend? Either way I'd tell said person of my intent to date the woman. If they were a dear friend I would ask them if they would be OK with it.

Friends are something I cherish, but even I have strict delineation as to where someone sits in my life. Friends may help you move, real friends may help you move bodies, true friends show up with a chipper shredder having arranged for access to a hog lot before arrival.

It isn't like they were engaged, or married. Who knows, the two of them may be perfect for each other and both better off without the 'ex friend' in their life. It's a basic judgement call based upon the situation. The new guy could be a whiny asshole, or he could actually be a decent guy. Not enough information to really deduce which. I'm a little wary about talking negatively to a friend, as it smacks of trying to sell oneself as being on one side or another of a breakup, rather than asking both sides to respect your opinion/like of both parties.

[lastwish]

Ok. Update:

I went to a movie date with him. He was a gentlemen for paying. I felt like an asshole for being late. And then, the date was awkward and semi-boring. Its strange because we get along so well online but when its an actual date, there is so much pressure so I can't be my true self. I could tell he wasn't exactly comfortable either. At the end, I told him I had a good time so he doesn't have to feel that bad. But then he was like "no, you didn't" and then he went. Ya...he is probably thinking he is a loser now and think I'm not that interested in him. But I still believe he is a genuinly nice guy. Do you think first dates are important in indicating long term success?

[damn2008]

I would give it another chance or two if you can see some potential. First dates can often be a little awkward, especially if you two know each other fairly well...it is just putting you all in a different situation that you are BOTH somewhat unfamiliar with....at least doing it TOGETHER. At least one more date wouldn't be a bad idea.

Movie dates are a big "no-no" first dates in my book. You really do not get an opportunity to talk at all and are both focused on a movie instead of each other. You should try perhaps doing dinner or just something fun together that can be comfortable yet entertaining for the both of you.

[IndiReloaded]

I don't see this as your problem, LW. If you want to date this guy, go ahead. After all, he's the one who will have to deal with the fallout, if any, with your ex. Not you.

And you and your ex are no longer in contact, so there's no issue there. Tho if dating this guy will put you in contact w/him again, you may want to consider that also.

I agree with the others: it doesn't say much good about his character, if he would stoop to dating a friend's ex. From the guys perspective, you're just some gal, and there are plenty out there, so why he would pursue you should be questioned. Perhaps he sees you as vulnerable & therefore an easy target? Anyway, be wary.

[DoesntMatter]

I think you should go out with him if you like him and want to. If it weren't for these other factors (like him being your ex's friend, etc) would you? I think if the answer is yes then you should

[Charlie Boy II]

It probably depends on how cut your ex-boyfriend was by the breakup. With the exception of Kristen I couldn't give a f-ck if my mates dated any of my former girlfriends. And even with Kristen, depending on the guy and the situation and how it was handled, I reckon I could give it my blessing.

[1averagejoe]

If a friend of mine were to start dating my ex...it definitely wouldn't be the same between us. But I would accept it and still consider them a friend. I would definitely feel awkward telling them secrets or personal things in fear of them telling her. But, I think a lot of this has to do with the fact that I don't talk to my ex anymore and she cheated on me.

The reason I say this is because someone I considered a friend, but weren't very close, rarely hung out, from high school is actually going out with my ex. Rarely talk to him anymore.

If we had broken up just for the fact that we had become distant I think it would be a different thing.

I think you should give this guy a second chance. By the sound of the first date, he just went for it because he probably briefly knew you and thought he just might have a chance with you. Imho, sounds like a guy that doesn't approach women often and is a bit shy.

Like mentioned before no movies! They suck for first dates because you can't talk. Go out for coffee, lunch, or dinner.