My girlfriend is attracted to another man

[rohan16]

I am 26 years old and I have been dating my girlfriend since i was 17. I love her dearly and i was under the impression that she did too. We had talked about marriage a lot and felt that we would be very happy being married. I had planned to propose to her early next year. A week back we had an argument and she told me that she wasn't attracted to me physically anymore, and that i wasn't enough. We talked about this for a couple of days and couldn't figure out a reason behind her sudden change. After a few days of arguing and crying and trying to figure out whats wrong i asked her if she was attracted to this other man we both knew. And i was utterly devastated when she said yes. She began telling me that she had been trying to suppress those feelings for this other man and couldn't do so anymore. I was in complete and utter shock. I couldn't wrap my head around the fact that she could want to leave me for being attracted to somebody else. When i asked her what she wanted to do next she said that she wanted to see what it would be like to date this man. She said that she felt excitement when she thought of spending time with him and that she wanted to have sex with him.


I have made a lot of sacrifices for this woman career wise. I'm in a horrible place right now in terms of my job. I had consoled myself with the fact that i had a successful relationship but when this came to light i realized i had nothing. I am devastated by these developments and dont want to lose her. I have told her that I am willing to do anything for her. I have told her that i will get into better shape physically (i am in woeful shape right now and the other guy is in great shape), that we will spice things up in our sex life and that i'll try harder to be what she wants me to be. But she isn't sure if that's enough. She doesn't seem to want to listen to me and is almost closing me out. I cant believe this is happening because just a week back we were so happy and in love or so i thought. I am in shock and dealing with this very badly.


I asked her to make a choice but she said she couldn't. One moment she said she would stay with me and work out our problems and the next, she wanted to leave me for him. She has been changing her mind almost every hour and i dont know anymore whether anything shes saying is what she truly means.

What do i do? Please help.

[lahnnabell]

The fact that you made so many sacrifices is part of what is killing you... I'm betting you have no idea when to put your foot down and now it's coming back to bite you in the ass. Honestly, women don't want a "Yes" man and any woman that claims she does is looking for a toy to use more than a true partner. She doesn't see you as an equal.

I have told her that i will get into better shape physically (i am in woeful shape right now and the other guy is in great shape), that we will spice things up in our sex life and that i'll try harder to be what she wants me to be.

You keep talking about these things instead of taking action. What kind of catastrophic event will it take before you kick it into gear? A break-up apparently. You have no other motivation in life besides serving your girlfriend. You need to take some time out and figure out what exactly you want your life to be. And don't say it's with this girl because that's just a sappy, pathetic way to scape-goat the real problems you have with yourself.

[rohan16]

Youre right currently i feel like nothing matters except for my girlfriend. But i have tried to get in shape physically before but everytime i tried i broke down. I have a slipped disc in my neck which prevents me from doing any vigorous activity. And i underwent surgery and wasnt allowed to workout for a year. As a result over the last couple of years i have become overweight. but she doesnt seem to understand that. She cant accept my physical limitations.

[lahnnabell]

Try workouts that aren't as jarring for your neck. Swimming is a great, full body workout and being in the water is easy on the joints. There are alternatives, but you seem to enjoy finding excuses for yourself and blaming your girlfriend for her lack of acceptance. I'd have trouble swallowing all your excuses too if that's all I heard. No woman wants to be with a guy who's feeling sorry for himself. We're attracted to self-respect.

[Boisdevie]

Your relationship is OVER

[The Gent]

Dude, I'm sad to say that it sounds like your relationship is pretty much headed to Davy Jones' Locker. (Man, Davy Jones is a badass)

I mean, everyone has their fantasies & stuff, but this jabroni is telling you how excited she gets at the thought of dating & having sex with some guy she knows...wtf?. She's showing you no respect at all, Lion-o.

[Wakeup]

If you want her to be attracted to you again you have to stop being her doormat. Do you know how to say NO to this woman you love so much? Tell her to pack her bags and get out (if you live together) or tell her to get any stuff she has at your place (you have it all boxed up) and tell her that you'll not be second fiddle in any girls heart and as much as it kills you... I't over.

You! Take back your personal power and you write your own script here. You DO NOT WANT TO BE her safety net while she get her physical on with another. Being her safety net and nothing more will steal your joy and ruin your ability to get over her and meet someone new for a longer length of time if you settle for her crumbs.

End it and don't give her anymore time to choose. If she actually loves you, she will tell you then and there.