Can I save it?

[trancehead]

I need some help from you folks to help me understand this girl.
We were together for almost 4 years, we were engaged and planned on getting married and lead a happy life together. It felt like we had the "titanic" type of a relationship where nothing could go wrong. The moment she got her own apartment she went back to alcohol and made tons of guy friends. It seemed as if the better her life got the worse she would treat me. She's finishing college right now so I would pretty much spoil her with everything, I would help her with homework, give her rides everywhere, get her food, suprise her with flowers at work and in general do more than one guy should.

She didn't appreciate anything and the last year with her was a nightmare since she got on her own. I would still remain a gentleman but for no good reason I guess. I broke up with her last week because of finally being fed up getting mentally and emotionally raped and abused by her.

I still love her and I know that deep inside she still loves me. The problem is that I've already made a first step on several occasions to make everything ok between us. I'm kind of hoping for her to come to my house and suprise me and tell me that she'll change but something is telling me that that won't happen.

I cannot make the first move 'cause then I'll spoil her even more and she'll end up treating me like a total piece of garbage that I know I don't deserve.

Does anybody have any ideas what should I do?

[TAVS]

We were together for almost 4 years, we were engaged and planned on getting married and lead a happy life together......She's finishing college right now so I would pretty much spoil her with everything, I would help her with homework, give her rides everywhere, get her food, suprise her with flowers at work and in general do more than one guy should.

I've been there. She left be 4 months after graduation. There wouldn't have been a graduation if it weren't for my help.

That being said; let her go. Seriously. There's a good chance she's not going to come back. She's at a different point in her life and she doesn't want to be in a serious relationship. By letting her go, you're doing two things. #1. You're taking care of yourself by trying to move on. #2. You're giving her space, which is what you must do if you want to stand a chance getting her back. It's a win win situation but that doesn't mean you're going to get what you want. If she's as bad off as you think she is, let her hit bottom, and then she'll be ready to crawl back up.

Sorry to hear of your pain.

[King Zarathu]

Completely agree with TAVS, if that helps.

[trancehead]

So having flowers delivered to her work with a poem attached would be a bad idea I guess? Please be honest, that's the last thing I want is to spoil her even more.

[King Zarathu]

You would be spoiling her even more and she would reject you, yet again.

[vashti]

So having flowers delivered to her work with a poem attached would be a bad idea I guess? Please be honest, that's the last thing I want is to spoil her even more.

I think you should worry less about "spoiling" her and worry more about not being a wimp. Forget sending her any gifts, poems or anything at all. You are not supposed to give gifts to people who don't appreciate you.

[TAVS]

So having flowers delivered to her work with a poem attached would be a bad idea I guess? Please be honest, that's the last thing I want is to spoil her even more.

You dumped her remember? *sigh*

If you act this needy/desperate there's no way she'll want you back.

[trancehead]

You would be spoiling her even more and she would reject you, yet again.

That's funny because after I broke up with her, I realized that we shouldn't throw away a 4 year relationship just because we have problems communicating. So I ended up going to her work and personally delivering flowers to her knowing how much she likes it and simply asking her out.

Her reply was a text message next morning saying "you didn't impress me showing up at my work with flowers. You should have wore a suit. My man Shawn dresses a lot better. He's talking me out to a nice dinner and even bought me a dress to wear."

So I called her and wanted to know who the hell is shawn, she got mad and hung up on me so I disconnected her phone since I was paying for that too for a while.
I left her two voice mails and like 5 text messages saying exactly how I feel and how she shouldn't judge me by the way I dress 'cause she's no better. Then I disconnected her phone and haven't heard since.

I was hurting for a while but I'm better now 'cause I've been keeping myself busy.

If she wants me she'll come back and if she won't then I guess that's it.
The thing is that we've been through thick and thin but the last 2 years was "me give give you take take" 90 to 10 percent ratio relationship. So you're saying to give her her space that she wants and don't spoil her anymore?

I guess I just want her to realize what she lost and come back.

[trancehead]

You are not supposed to give gifts to people who don't appreciate you.

You're right.

If you act this needy/desperate there's no way she'll want you back.

Very true.

So just let it go and see what happens?

[vashti]

That's funny because after I broke up with her, I realized that we shouldn't throw away a 4 year relationship just because we have problems communicating. So I ended up going to her work and personally delivering flowers to her knowing how much she likes it and simply asking her out.

Her reply was a text message next morning saying "you didn't impress me showing up at my work with flowers. You should have wore a suit. My man Shawn dresses a lot better. He's talking me out to a nice dinner and even bought me a dress to wear."

So I called her and wanted to know who the hell is shawn, she got mad and hung up on me so I disconnected her phone since I was paying for that too for a while.
I left her two voice mails and like 5 text messages saying exactly how I feel and how she shouldn't judge me by the way I dress 'cause she's no better. Then I disconnected her phone and haven't heard since.

I was hurting for a while but I'm better now 'cause I've been keeping myself busy.

If she wants me she'll come back and if she won't then I guess that's it.
The thing is that we've been through thick and thin but the last 2 years was "me give give you take take" 90 to 10 percent ratio relationship. So you're saying to give her her space that she wants and don't spoil her anymore?

I guess I just want her to realize what she lost and come back.

She sounds vile. why on earth would you want to get back together with such a mean-hearted person?

[TAVS]

She's totally a user.

[King Zarathu]

Exactly. **** her, but not literally.

I'm a terrible person for this, but actually, I would **** her given the chance and then never talk to her again.

[trancehead]

Exactly. **** her, but not literally.

I'm a terrible person for this, but actually, I would **** her given the chance and then never talk to her again.

I'm not gonna do that, I got enough decency and dignity. I know my heart is too good her. I'm not going to do anything nor try to contact her in any way. If she comes to her senses and realizes what she lost, swollows her pride and tries to reach out to me to win my heart back then we'll see but I understand that I cannot do anything to save it simply because she'll end up walking all over my heart even more and treating me like crap even more, and I know I don't deserve that. It's her loss, not mine.

[Ellynn]

I'm not gonna do that, I got enough decency and dignity. I know my heart is too good her. I'm not going to do anything nor try to contact her in any way. If she comes to her senses and realizes what she lost, swollows her pride and tries to reach out to me to win my heart back then we'll see but I understand that I cannot do anything to save it simply because she'll end up walking all over my heart even more and treating me like crap even more, and I know I don't deserve that. It's her loss, not mine.

Remember it is her loss and NOT yours! What you did was incredibly sweet by bringing her flowers. She chewed you out for not wearing a suit! This girl sounds like a b*tch. Move on and find someone who WILL appreciate you!

Also, a relationship is a two-way street. If you were constantly the one fixing things, then thats not fair! She never tried to change or even offered to! You did the right thing by dumping her.

[King Zarathu]

So, in response to the thread title, the answer, quite simply, is "No."