I don’t know what I need anymore

[ImYoBoy]

Hello, to explain briefly my background I have only had 3 girlfriends, 2 of which I had intimate sexual relations with and one was just a young love holding hands type deal back in sophomore year of high school. I am currently in my second year of college but I have the option to take a break and as many months off as I choose. I go to film school and as of right now i’m unsure if that is the path i want to choose. I have been making music with my friend “J” for about two years now since I started college. My last girlfriend was very dependent on my physically because she had been diagnosed with CMT early in the relationship. About the first week after we had been seeing each other she found out and asked if I still wanted to be with her and I said yes. 8 months later I kind of fell out of love or at least I just thought I was tired of helping my girlfriend carry everything to classes and being around her almost 24/7. We didn’t even have much in common I just was attracted to her energy I guess. That was around last August when I broke it off. I cried a lot because I thought I was a terrible person for that. Anyways I met this girl around December of last year and I just really liked her face and the way she talked and her energy. We had started seeing each other and whenever we would hang out it would just be us holding handsome or cuddling or making out but we never went further because I think I was just afraid of what she would think of me because I have a lot of self doubt. So after a couple months of doing that we started getting a little more intimate. We started trying sex and the first time I tried anything she had said she was on her period or she wasn’t feeling it and that was multiple times. The first time she was okay with going further I couldn’t get my dick up I don’t know what it was I think i was nervous about how I might perform or something. She also sometimes intimidates me because she used to laugh at me and call me names but I think i pointed that out a lot and she started being more conscious. So the next time we tried to have sex I couldn’t get my dick up again and I cried in front of her and she held me and said it was okay she didn’t care about that stuff but I told her I did so idk she was just telling me it was gonna be okay. So then I took her to her school’s prom (she is still a senior in high school) and a lot of friends looked down on me for that. I just really enjoyed being around her. I tried to have sex that night but she wasn’t feeling it so I just said okay kissed her and moved to my side of the bed and tried to sleep. Then she woke me up and started putting my hands on her and said I’m awake now. Then we started getting closer to doing sexual things then she said she didn’t want to have sex so i was confused. The next day I tried again and she said no and I said why and she said because I already know what’s going to happen and it’s not worth the effort (me not getting my dick up). So I got mad and left her in my house to go skate and when i came back she was gone. We talked about it the next day and she said she didn’t want to feel forced to do something she didn’t have to do and I was like I understand but the way you said it doesn’t have to make me feel like I can’t please you. And she was like okay i’m sorry and then we just didn’t talk about it and kind of tried to settle it that way. The next couple weeks we went to New York together to visit my friend and then a couple days ago we had sex for the first time and I was able to get it up. Sometimes I text her and she doesn’t respond and a while ago she sent me a text saying we probably should hang out as much so I took that as us breaking up but then I saw her in person and she said no and I couldn’t say that it hurt me to the point where I thought I should just be alone because being near her makes me happy when we are intimate. I don’t really know what to do at this point all my friends have told me to break the ends and learn to love myself but I hate being alone and the girl is a part of my close friend group so it would be awkward afterwards but she leaves for college in august so I just don’t know what to do I feel like i’m getting the short end of the stick here.

[GLYC]

You're insecure.

You got intimidated because she mad fun of you and joked with you? Have fun with it, spit it right back.
Don't let women diminish you.

Just an example of a scenario in my own life, I remember back when I was in college I saw a girl I had a class with, and I went up to her and said the old "Hey don't I know you?", one of her friends, who was attractive but arrogant, just snapped back at me "No, she doesn't" with some disgusted look on her face and started to walk away. I just laughed at it to the girl from my class and said, "You have really great friends!" And I actually got that girls number after that.

The crying with the sex thing, you know it's okay to be frustrated at times, but do your best to keep yourself together. That will turn a woman off. Its not really masculine energy. It's okay to be vulnerable at times, but I think you're being too sensitive. Just always do your best to be fun, playful and be positive in tough situations. Meaning, you can have bad days, etc. But do your best.

" she said because I already know what’s going to happen and it’s not worth the effort"
With the can't get hard thing she said, I would just lose interest. It doesn't seem like she really cares that much. Would the woman of your dreams say that to you? Mine wouldn't. I would have said, "Not worth the effort? What do you mean by that?"

It's honestly a pretty rude thing to say in my opinion. Thats one of those things where in my head when a woman says that, I'd just think to myself "Yeah, not cool, that's minus a point for you in my books".

I'd do nothing with this girl. She said that we should probably stop seeing each other?
"Oh, well, that's too bad, I really enjoyed spending time with you, but if that's how you really feel then okay. Let me know if you ever change your mind"

Bam. Done. In my mind, Its over forever unless she reaches out, I'm looking for someone else now.

[DalM0m]

The end of your sophomore year of college & her last year of high school is quite the life stage span. She's probably too young for you. She may say she wants sex but I'm not so sure she does which is why she would tell you she's not feeling it & or she was on her period. Eventually she did give in to you but I suspect she only said yes because you were putting on too much pressure, making it all about sex & in her young girl naivety, she thought she had to sleep with you or risk losing you. Where are her parents in all of this? why is a HS senior being allowed overnights with her older BF & being allowed to go on trips with him to NYC. My parents would have freaked if I wanted to do something like that & if I had a daughter there is no way I'd let that happen.

At your age, your inability to achieve or maintain an erection is a medical problem. You need to go talk to a doctor. That many failed opportunities is not normal. It may be stress/ emotional but it may be something serious. Get it checked out.

[GLYC]

The end of your sophomore year of college & her last year of high school is quite the life stage span. She's probably too young for you. She may say she wants sex but I'm not so sure she does which is why she would tell you she's not feeling it & or she was on her period. Eventually she did give in to you but I suspect she only said yes because you were putting on too much pressure, making it all about sex & in her young girl naivety, she thought she had to sleep with you or risk losing you. Where are her parents in all of this? why is a HS senior being allowed overnights with her older BF & being allowed to go on trips with him to NYC. My parents would have freaked if I wanted to do something like that & if I had a daughter there is no way I'd let that happen.

At your age, your inability to achieve or maintain an erection is a medical problem. You need to go talk to a doctor. That many failed opportunities is not normal. It may be stress/ emotional but it may be something serious. Get it checked out.

Good points. I didn't even notice the age aspect. I wouldn't get involved, I mean, is this even legal??

And it does sound like she gave in to you out of pressure, don't pressure women. Have an easygoing, mellow attitude. You'd love to spend time with her, but if she doesn't? No worries, maybe some other time. That should be your thinking.

The ED is definitely a problem, I'd recommend getting that checked out as well.

[smackie09]

I don't think you are emotionally mature enough to have a relaitonship and neither is she. She doesn't really know what she really wants and you are being desperate to stay with a girl because you don't want to be alone. Does that sound like a healthy situation? You are being codependent, that is why things are turning into a train wreck. I know it's tough to see through all the emotions/feelings you have but it would be wise to take a break, and just be friends.

[MortensOrchid]

Agree with this above poster ^. I think you need to walk away from the situation for a while and let it be. This is why I don't date anymore, FYI. People are not what they say they are or they don't jibe with one another the way you want them to. Keep calm and carry on.

[FP BLOG]

You should first learn to love yourself, if not you cannot love another self and build yourself esteem.