Strong feelings for a friend, what do i do?

[LilyPetals]

Hello all!

Okay I am in need of some big time advice here. This might be long but I would really appreciate some honest advice.

To make a long story short I'll summarize the background story.

I met boy 3 years ago at work. We were co-workers. Had a casual co-worker/casual friend relationship. Boy was in serious relationship. Boy broke up serious relationship in November. Boy and I become better friends as I provided some support for him. Boy quit job in January.

This is where my story starts. So once he quit the bar we work at, even though I was disappointed, it was ultimately the start to our real friendship. One night in February, he came to the bar we worked at together and after my shift, me and him went to get a bite to eat which is something we did almost every week when he worked there. So this particular night, we ended up staying at a fast food joint at 3am talking till about 6am when we finally went over to his place and continued talking till about 9am. We just shared a lot about each other and time seemed to fly by. We ended up sleeping together that night. It was so random and surprising to both of us but it really kickstarted our friendship, ironically. After that we did fool around a bit one more time soon after that but that's it. We began hanging out a lot together and we've become good friends. We have tons in common and are very alike-minded. He confides in me, especially about his ex (who he is not yet over!), girls, anything really it seems. he is very guarded so I've realized that he seems to have a lot of trust in me and appreciates our friendship. Though he doesn't quite say that he does, he has been there for me when I needed a friend and it was enough to show me that he cares.

However, through this time, I've developed some major feelings for him. He has known about this for a while as it came spilling out one night over an msn conversation (ugh!!!) and I was really upset at myself for letting it slip. However, it didn't change the friendship one bit. We continued being good friends, hanging out alone and nothing felt weird at all. Unfortunately, I never suspected that he had feelings for me either. I often even questioned how much he appreciated my friendship a lot but he has come through everytime I needed it and I just realized that actions speak louder than words.

Then, recently, things got a bit confusing. Once in a while, I sleep over at his place after a late shift for convenience sake, or sometimes if I am there really late I'll just stay over. So last week I was hanging out with him all day and he was suppose to drive me home, but 4am came around and he decided that he'll drive me in the morning (the fact that he didn't at any point get up and say, 'ok lets go, i'll take u home' lets me know he enjoys my company), so we went to sleep. I got into his bed, and he got in after me. Right away, he put his hand on my waist and attempted to almost spoon with me. Before you know it, he was rubbing my back and then things started to get a bit heavy. BUT, after about 30 mins of that, he turned around and said "it's probably best we shouldn't." He gave me the excuse that he didn't want to complicate things and make them weird. He then said "oh and you know, there's also that thing about how you feel..."

I was needless to say, really upset after that. But I got over it. In retrospect, I was actually happy that he didn't just use me but respected me and the friendship to stop. I hear it's not easy for a guy.

Then a week later, this past weekend, I slept over again after a late shift, and once again in bed, he put his arm on my waist and tried to spoon with me once more on and off, on and off. Oh and then yesterday when I was over, he referred to me as like 'his sister' - those dreaded words. Okay seriously, what gives?? a sister that you like to spoon with once in a while??

I mean I would love LOVE for this guy to have feelings for me but I know that he is still reeling in from his break up 6 months ago and that he isn't ready or anything serious (and I even tell him that myself). Our friendship has developed so fast in such a short period of time and I appreciate it so much. However, I keep thinking that maybe it's best I distance myself. I feel like I can really get hurt here but at the same time, he has become such a good friend, that I don't want to lose that either!

Can anyone offer my some honest advice on what I should do? stay friends? distance myself?? I definitely don't want to bring up my feelings to him again...he obviously knows how I feel, he definitely hasn't forgotten!

[Doc Durian]

He sounds interested, but insecure about the situation. Do you offer any encouragement when he's attempting these things? He may need it to feel comfortable proceeding.

Or his issues remain and he's confused about the favourite sister he boned and still wants to bone...

Maybe collect your feelings and thoughts in the next few days, figure out if you're keen, and ask him the same before you next spoon.

Dunno..

He could be one of those guys who like to keep their lovers and friends in two separate bodies, odd as it may sound.

[LilyPetals]

Thanks.
I'm starting to feel that maybe he has feeling and is confused or maybe is in denial about how he feels. When he called me 'like a sister' last night, I was wondering if it was saying he was saying to me, or more to himself.
But I don't know.

I don't know!! ahh!

[Doc Durian]

Thanks.
I'm starting to feel that maybe he has feeling and is confused or maybe is in denial about how he feels. When he called me 'like a sister' last night, I was wondering if it was saying he was saying to me, or more to himself.
But I don't know.

I don't know!! ahh!

I got called, "like a brother" after we boned.... and then we boned again a couple years later (boned is such a misleading word, and I wouldn't have used then...) so, lovers, siblings, lovers again, siblings, and then angry balls of fur attacking one another's mental clarity and cursing history...

Probably better to turf the fellow.

It either is or it isn't. If you're young, there's plenty of fish in the teen/twenty something sea.

Don't settle for tuna.... even tender cuts in foil packets with savoury sauces... costs too much and doesn't fill you up.