Any thoughts....?

[Gatewayguy]

Hi guys. I'm a new member.

I've got a relationship 'problem' which I really need advice on.

My girlfriend and I have been together for 3 years. We've managed to overcome many ups and downs together and we've had our fair share of stormy quarrels. We have both been very committed to making this relationship work.

Recently, her close male friend contacted her after 2 years from another state. They have been close friends for over 10 years and that's really amazing, and I'm happy that they are keeping in touch.

But lately, she texts him so very frequently that it makes me feel very uneasy (almost every hour). The recent I feel this way is probably due to the fact that both of them were together for a couple of months, before she met me.

I trust her and love her so very much and I don't like the way I am feeling about this. I spoke to her about it and she started getting emotional as she felt that I am making too much of it and making her feel uneasy. The funny thing is, she shows me most of the texts messages on her own accord and tells me about him all the time, so there is nothing secretive, but yet i feel uncomfortable. She has informed him that she has a very 'close-friend' (me). She says she doesn’t care weather he knows abt me or not because they are not the kind of friends that she would discuss such personal matters with. So we are faced with a paradox here. They're close but they don’t discuss certain things.

I want to give her space and I usually do but I am just a little clueless myself as to why her constant texting has been a source of worry and even hurt. I feel she's always texting even when we're together. Sometimes I wonder if I had caused this? I do have an occasional temper but apart from that I love her to bits and her happiness is of prime importance to me.

She is very sincere in every way and has a beautiful personality, and my family absolutely adores her, but this has got me a bit worried. I am in my final semester of my postgraduate thesis and i can't afford to let this consume me. Any random thoughts?

Cheers

[Gigabitch]

Um, is this "close friend" thing a regional colloquialism? What does she mean by that? Because to me, it sounds like she's not even admitting to having a new boyfriend to her ex, which is definitely concerning.

I'd say just try to hold it together until she gets bored. They can't do this forever. Pretty soon she'll remember why they broke up.

[Spring Haze]

Maybe ask her if she could tone it down when you're together. After all, she's supposed to be spending time with you, is she not? She probably wouldn't like it if the shoe were on the other foot.

[Gatewayguy]

Thanks for the msg. Apologies for the lack of clearity: by 'close friend' I think she means someone whom she has known for a long time.

Thanks again for the response!

[The_bobb]

...She has informed him that she has a very 'close-friend' (me)....

That bothers me... I tell STRANGERS that i have a girlfriend (when i do). Surely she can mention it to such a close friend. No i don't like this one bit.

It's not enough to start worrying over. But it IS interesting.

...I want to give her space and I usually do...I do have an occasional temper...

I gotta tell ya, those 2 comments make you sound like a control freak. And since we don't have her side of the story i guess i'll just assume your not? But they worry me.

Honestly i wouldn't worry about it TOO much. Just keep an eye on the sky and an hear to the ground. If her attitude takes a sudden swing, or your line of communication (when she's not around) starts doing weird things (ie. she doesn't answer or text). Sudden change in sexual appetite.

WATCH for those signs. Don't LOOK for them. There's a difference.

[Mish]

She has informed him that she has a very 'close-friend' (me).

Has she told him that she is in an exclusive 3 year relationship?

This could be bordering on emotional infidelity. You should probably have a talk to her and tell her some of the things (like above) that make you feel uncomfortable about this friend and their interaction together. Don't attack her, just open up how you feel. Post her feedback here for analysis.

[Gatewayguy]

Thanks for the advice guys. I really appreciate it.

I'll try and talk about it with her tonight and let you guys know how it went. She met me a while ago (a surprise visit after the gym) and told me what they chatted about (thru sms) yesterday. I tried to show some interest and she was visibly happy.

To The-bobb: I don't consider myself as a control-freak, but I get your point. Maybe its emotionally healthy that she has this close friend? I don’t know. I am trying to think positive. I have close friends, but I am not the kind of guy that texts very often. I prefer meeting them in person and speaking. And yes...you are only hearing my side of the story. I am sure if she did enter this discussion, she would have many valid points.

To Mishanya: She hasn’t told him the details. She said she has a very close friend now. He asked more, and she said it’s "none of your business". (To him I mean, not me)


I really want her to be happy and I want this relationship to work. We've had 3 wonderful years.


Thanks so much guys...this is really helping me. . I'll try and keep you posted.

Cheers

[Mish]

To Mishanya: She hasn’t told him the details. She said she has a very close friend now. He asked more, and she said it’s "none of your business". (To him I mean, not me)

Ask her why she lied to him and described you as a close friend and not an exclusive partner? This should yield some interesting answers, me thinks.

[CocoChanel]

Yeah that is true. He's a close friend... but she can't tell him that she in an exclusive relationship with you? LOL! Good one.

[Gigabitch]

He's not exactly a close friend. He's an ex. That's different, and for her to just brush past your existence as her boyfriend is concerning to me.