Ex girlfriend back in touch after 4 months to say she has new man but has doubts?

[ch1066]

I met up with my 'first' love after 10 years apart and we connected immediately, it was great but we were working a long way apart, had some personal stuff causing distractions and we agreed to leave things a while. Even now we can't agree who finished with whom!

4 months later she emails me with a 'hi, catch up in couple weeks'. 2 weeks later an email to say she met someone else a month after we split. She asked to met for a coffee a week later and it was like we hadn't split. She said she met someone, who she thought was the man she would marry, has moved in with him, but had her doubts its the right thing, says he is angry a lot about former divorce and drinks (but treats her well). She said she did not want to split with me, but feels she owes it to see where this new relationship leads, but knew she had to contact me and have me in her life still as I'm her soul mate. She spoke of last year being wrong for us and likes to think things go in full circle. We text back and forth, light hearted stuff nothing heavy and meeting up again this month.

Part of me is gutted that she moved on so quickly, did she really think that little of me? I do miss her and would like to get back with her, but she has someone else now and i feel guilty about contacting her and it is heartbreaking. I told her and she sent text saying "I understand xx I really do xx" ..

Should I wait?? Is this a rebound thing?? Should I reply to her texts?? What does she want?? Is it just friendship??

[SapphireBerry]

Title sums it all up I say not your problem, hers.

[ch1066]

She says she doesnt want to loose me from her life EVER and for me to let her make me smile, laugh and feel good but as friends. She wants to meet for coffee. I said i wanted more than friendship but if starting as friends and we have regular contact to try and rekindle what we had before, then meeting up is ok. She replied that for now thats good enough, she dosent knwo what the future holds but positve thinking is good. Ive stopped texting and guess will see how next week goes?

[nerdy_guy]

You're nothing more than a backup. She's sweet talking you so that she can use you whenever she wants.

[Jinxx]

wooooot? tell her to fuk off! go on about ur life now shes over and done!

[ch1066]

lol...not sure i wanna say fuk off to her, still have feelins for her! But i am thinkin your right

[SAULE]

Well, maybe the reason that she got together with this new guy a month after you guys broke up is because she felt lonely and needed someone to comfort her. You won't really know if she felt lighthearted about you unless you ask her yourself. No offense, but she needs to know that she can't have you both. It's either you or the other guy. If she doesn't choose, you, him, or both of you and that guy will get hurt. And I'm sure you don't want to be hurt the first time.
Ask yourself this, are you seriously willing to wait for her doubts to be confirmed and for her to break up with the guy? That could take weeks, months, maybe even a year. Are you willing to wait that long for only a 50-50 chance that she would come back to you?
No, it's not a rebound thing. Rebound means that she is using you to get over the guy she was previously with. From the sound of it, it seems more like an affair, but not quite, since you're just talking about your past, your present, and maybe the future.
I don't see why you shouldn't reply to her texts, though. It's not like it there's anything bad, right?
Lastly, at the moment, with certain aspects of the way she treats you, it looks like a friendship. If you two really are that close, it's natural that she would also express her regrets. She believes that you are both mature enough to be able to talk about this like adults.

Hope that helps. Good luck!

[purplecupcakes]

You just really need to evaluate how texting her affects you. If the what ifs are constantly on your mind, then you shouldnt respond to her attempts at communication and it has to stop. Shes with someone else and she has promised you nothing. Be weary and guard your heart.

[IndiReloaded]

Have you been clear with her that you have more than 'just friends' feelings for her? I get the sense you two are talking at cross-purposes. If she's really your friend you should be able to be open about this.

[ch1066]

Have you been clear with her that you have more than 'just friends' feelings for her? I get the sense you two are talking at cross-purposes. If she's really your friend you should be able to be open about this.

We have been very open. Yeah i have and she said why cant i let her make me feel those feelings (smile, laugh, happy etc) but a s a friend. She said we parted, we didn't contact each other for a couple months so she started dating what else was she to think. She didint want me not in her life then and still dosent now.

[ch1066]

Ask yourself this, are you seriously willing to wait for her doubts to be confirmed and for her to break up with the guy? That could take weeks, months, maybe even a year. Are you willing to wait that long for only a 50-50 chance that she would come back to you?
From the sound of it, it seems more like an affair, but not quite, since you're just talking about your past, your present, and maybe the future. I don't see why you shouldn't reply to her texts, though. It's not like it there's anything bad, right?
Lastly, at the moment, with certain aspects of the way she treats you, it looks like a friendship. If you two really are that close, it's natural that she would also express her regrets. She believes that you are both mature enough to be able to talk about this like adults.

Would i wait? I really enjoy being in her company and we get on really well but I know i would be a fool to sit around with false hopes. No I wouldn't say its an affair, neither of us would feel comfortable about gong beyond texts/meeting for coffee/lunch (maybe some would say that is?) whiilst she is dating someone else. And yes we can talk openly with each other about anything and we both know last year was difficult for us with us both having lots of distractions (career changes, long distance apart at times). We are meeting 4 coffee next week, so i plan to keep it lgihthearted with no expectations!

[IndiReloaded]

We have been very open. Yeah i have and she said why cant i let her make me feel those feelings (smile, laugh, happy etc) but a s a friend. She said we parted, we didn't contact each other for a couple months so she started dating what else was she to think. She didint want me not in her life then and still dosent now.

If this is what she told you then you are definitely in the Friend Zone. If you harbour feelings for this gal you are best to limit contact. Otherwise you are just going to gut yourself. Each to their own hell, tho.

[lovefool87]

The best way to know the truth is if you tell her that you've also met someone. Either she will back off or confess undying love. Either way, she's another man's woman. That Sh*t is tainted. Back away slowly and then run like the wind!

[ch1066]

The best way to know the truth is if you tell her that you've also met someone. Either she will back off or confess undying love. Either way, she's another man's woman. That Sh*t is tainted. Back away slowly and then run like the wind!

I told her Ive met someone, but she still says why cant we be friends. Im beginning to think its cos shes got doubts with moving in with new bf so soon. We are meeting for coffee next week and I know I have to say i cant do this friends thing and ive stopped texting he.

[ch1066]

If this is what she told you then you are definitely in the Friend Zone. If you harbour feelings for this gal you are best to limit contact. Otherwise you are just going to gut yourself. Each to their own hell, tho.

Thanks. I've stopped texting and we have arranged to meet next week for a coffee where i will tell her it cant work as id rather do it face-to-face.