Hi everyone,
I guess I'm here partly to use this forum as a sounding board. I'm 25 and my girlfriend is 24. We've been together for 5 years.
We're great friends and as far as humor, interests, etc. goes, we're a good match. I moved to a new city for her because she needed to move for school, so, right now, not only is she my best friend, she's basically my only friend!
She has some skin discoloration around her mouth that didn't bother me before, but it seems like it has gotten a bit worse. She also has some dry skin bumps and white flaky skin that forms around the corners of her mouth. I've expressed to her as kindly as I can that I don't find these things attractive. I've encouraged her to visit a dermatologist so we can see what a doctor says and even offered to pay for the visit.
She refuses to do anything to pursue the problem. She is very much a function over form type of girl. I knew that and I generally like that. But over the years it seems like she doesn't care at all about attracting me.
She has some extra weight and when it came up that I didn't necessarily find that attractive, I pushed for us both to join a gym, so we could both work on being more attractive for one another. I'm making some progress, but she actually has gained a few pounds. She doesn't carefully watch what she eats and likened herself to an addict when it comes to cookies, cake, etc.
I wish more than anything I didn't feel this way, as I want to be very attracted to her. She's my best friend and I want things to be perfect between us. But they aren't. I feel sad and I don't feel as attracted to her as I used to. I feel frustrated that she won't work to lose weight or even see a doctor to pursue those problems.
I told her I understood she didn't care about them and I did. I offered to compromise and do things she wants me to do more often - like house chores - if she would work a bit harder on these problems for me. It's been months and she takes no action and makes no progress.
I don't know what to do. How can I help get the relationship fixed? Physical attraction is an important component to any relationship. I've done everything short of giving up, but I feel my frustration growing. I've made it clear I'm willing to do what it takes to keep us together - including moving to a new city for her - but she isn't working on the things I care about to keep all aspects of our relationship strong.
On a somewhat selfish note, I do really fear us breaking up in this new city. After moving here (and I can't move back to my old city for personal reasons, unfortunately), I'd be somewhat stranded and alone. Any advice or thoughts are appreciated. Thanks for reading, everyone.