Ex possibly pregnant, help!

[Fall9282]

Hi everyone. This is my first time posting on this forum, and this is an extremely touchy subject that I just don't really know how to deal with quite yet. A few weeks ago I decided to break up with my girlfriend because I didn't feel the same way she felt towards me. She is literally out of her mind and very manipulative. The other day I got a message saying that her period is 5 days late, and she thinks she may be pregnant.

I have told her since day one that I did NOT want to have a child. I'm no way near responsible enough, nor do I have the time or money to support a child. If anything I feel as if it would be the better, more responsible choice to have an early termination than have a child when you're not ready for it. I just don't know what I should do if she decides to have this kid if she's actually pregnant..? Do I have to be involved with her or this child if she decides to go through with it? I'm freaking out. Any advice would be greatly appreciated, thank you for readying.

[Fall9282]

Also, I am a student in college right now and I am in the process of transferring to a new university. I just don't know how I could even possibly take on a child right now. I think she is doing this to keep me close and reel me in, she's done this before and turned out not to be pregnant so I just am lost for now. Any advice?

[basilandthyme]

Mate, you're stuck between a rock and a hard place. If she's been through this saga with you before, I'd keep my fingers crossed that she's lying again. And even if she's not lying, quite a number of pregnancies end in miscarriage.

Try to keep the panic on hold till you find out if she really IS pregnant. What type of contraception were you using? Are you aware of any glitches? Did you start using additional protection after the last scare?

If she tells you that she is pregnant, ask to see documentation proving it or go to the doctor with her for confirmation that it's not another lie. You may also want to insist on a paternity test. If she's upset at your questioning, don't worry yourself. Just tell her that you know she's quite capable of being manipulative and that you don't trust her. Be blunt and don't be afraid to offend.

[Fall9282]

Thanks a lot for your response, I truly appreciate your advice. I am really hoping that she is lying again.. She took it once and said it came positive and 5 minutes later I raced down to her dorm and the test read negative.. She said it read positive at first but then turned positive, which I know can happen but that could also be a sign that she's making this up.

She has been and still is on birth control and NORMALLY we would always use condoms but for one time (I don't know why) we did not, but I did not ejaculate inside her (sorry if that's too much information). I have asked her to show me another test to prove it and I believe she will be getting blood work done over our Thanksgiving break. I honestly do not care if she is upset at this point because every time I start going my own way and leaving her life she puts me in situations like this.

I guess I am just nervous and upset at the fact that she still COULD be telling the truth. And in that case I don't want to end up with her, or a child I never wanted to intended on being with. She knew since day one that I did not want a child and she's always told me that she's been on birth control. I just don't know what to do, I guess I will just try to stay calm for now and see what happens. Thanks again for your advice, it's people like you that will help me sleep tonight!

[VincenzoG91]

Something like this happened to a friend of mine. Two weeks after he broke up with a manipulative and toxic girlfriend, she told him that she was pregnant. She wasn't, it was just a desperate attempt to get him back.

Several months later, she was with a different friend of mine (the two guys didn't know each other back then), and that relationship lasted for years. When they broke up, she took his car and wouldn't give it back. He was desperate to get her back, so he told her to keep the car but come back to him. She kept the car, but never came back.

Maybe your situation is different and she really is pregnant. Did you dump her? If so, that increases the likelihood that she is lying to try and get you back. Unfortunately, if she really is having a kid and it turns out to be yours, you will be owing child support for the next 18 years.

[Fall9282]

Thanks for your advice. Yes I've come to the conclusion that if she is indeed pregnant that I will unfortunately have to take the burden of child support. I just really don't know what to think or what to do, I guess all I really can do is just wait and hopefully get results in the near future.

If she is pregnant..Am I a terrible person for not wanting to be with her or be their for the child? I am totally fine with paying for child support or whatever the expenses may be, there's just no way right now that I could take on a child. Thanks for understanding and for your advice.

[Fall9282]

And yes, I did dump her!

[IndiReloaded]

Wait. Don't react. Nothing else you can do.

If she *is* pregnant, meet her to discuss your options. Preferably with a mediator of some kind, like your parents or a trusted friend or doctor (actually, nurses are probably better at this kind of thing). Let her know clearly, but *calmly*, whatever you are/are not prepared to do. E.g. if you will not marry her, tell her so up front that she will be a single mom if she decides to keep the child.

She can insist on financial support from you, sorry, that's the price for not being more careful. But she can't force you to be a part of your child's life or hers.

[Fall9282]

I've already made it clear and have told her numerous times that I simply cannot have a child right now and I will not be there for her or the child.

Should I feel guilty though about not being around? I feel like I should have the right to live the life how I want to and finish up my education without the burden of having an unexpected pregnancy. But yes, I agree I should have been more careful, can never be too sure I guess even with birth control. Thank you for your input.

[IndiReloaded]

Well, as I said, financially you will have no choice. You *will* have to pay child support.

You might be able to negotiate an agreement where you give up any custody rights to the child in exchange for no support. But I'd be very careful about making this kind of longterm decision. Not only might you regret it, but it may come back to bite you someday. Many, many women (actually many men too) would look very poorly on a man who abandoned his child. Especially to a mother who sounds unstable.

Anyway, if you go that route, make sure you get a lawyer to draw up the agreement. Easier, tho, would be to convince her not to have the child. Assuming she's actually pregnant. That's still an unknown.

[Fall9282]

Yes I know I'll have to pay child support, I'm fine with that if that's what it comes down to.

But yes I know it doesn't sound all that great, but I just don't know what to do. I never had any intentions on having a child and neither did she, being on birth control. There's no way in hell that I am responsible enough, or financially stable enough to have a kid. She says she doesn't care if I'm around or not (we didn't end on good terms) and that her family is willing to take care of the child with her.

She has played the pregnancy card before so it's hard what to believe. If anything I think she purposefully tried to get pregnant to keep my involved in her life and to not forget about her. I'm trying to convince her to not have a child, but I guess we will see what happens. I'll keep you posted. Thanks again for your input.

[IndiReloaded]

Good luck, Fall. For everyone's sake, most especially a potential child (poor kid!), I hope she isn't pregnant. If I were you, I would *really* be sucking craw to support her into aborting the child if she is. The more of an ass you are, the more she will defy you.

If she is pregnant, let her know you'll insist on a paternity test. Really, don't assume anything.

[Fall9282]

Thanks so much for your help, I genuinely thank you! I will keep you posted on the situation, and I hope that she is indeed not pregnant. And yes indeed for the childs sake, I promise I'm not a bad person I'm just a kid trying to get a good education while I can! Thanks so much for understanding and for all of your advice. You've made me feel a lot better about my situation!

[IndiReloaded]

Just keep a band-aid on it in future, kid. Good luck.

[Fall9282]

And she is not pregnant! Just out of her mind. Time to erase this chick from my life! Woooo!