Do I get back with my Ex or not, after EVERYTHING?? (Very long story)

[dystopia]

My Ex, Ryan and I met while I was already in a relationship. The guy I was with at the time cheated on me, so I broke up with him after two months. Ryan and I became close friends (with privileges) afterwards, but I didn't want to take things further. I then entered another relationship with another guy shortly after, eventhough I wasn't too comfortable with it - in fact, I have never been the type of person who likes relationships. Ryan was slightly annoyed about this, but I found that he and I had a stronger bond than my boyfriend at the time, so I ended up breaking up with him after another two months. I never once slept with either of those boyfriends, only Ryan, after I had broken up with them.

Ryan was very keen on me, almost possessive, but I kind of enjoyed it, until another one of my Ex's decided to visit. He became jealous, and the two of them were literally willing to fight over me. In the end I decided that my Ex was an ex for a reason, so I chose Ryan. Even then, we were still not in a relationship until about 6 months down the line as I had been adament that I didn't want yet another relationship.

It was only when my Mother explained to me how much Ryan cared for me that everything was put into perspective. I had been avoiding a relationship with someone who deserved it, and ended up with people I wasn't even highly interested in.

We began our relationship on 26th November 2008. Everything went so well for so long, and until about 2 months in to the relationship we'd never ever had an argument. In fact, it was family issues that triggered off our disagreements from that moment onwards. I did however, end up cheating on Ryan after a month, which I have never forgiven myself for. I didn't want to, but I didn't know how to say know to someone back then. I used to please people because I found it easier than displeasing them. Ryan now knows about this incident.

During our time together, I moved house numerous amounts of times, due to family relationship problems, and along with my college coursework, there was an increased amount of stress which kept getting between us. We gradually seemed to be arguing all the time, and grew further and further apart.

In June, my baby sister passed away, which, although traumatic, almost brought me and Ryan closer for a little while. We then moved in to a shared house together for a while shortly after Ryan got his new job. I then got a job also, so things seemed to be looking up. We still had a fair few disagreements, but it wasn't unbearable.

Then suddenly, Ryan started becoming aggressive and nasty to me - constantly niggling at me and then making out that I was crazy and horrible. This went on, and escalated until we ended up becoming violent towards eachother. In once instance a friend of ours, who was staying, had to pull us apart to stop us from effectively killing eachother.

Ryan then moved out and returned to his parents' house, and I carried on living at the shared house. I then got another job, with my Mum, which was great, and things started getting slightly better again. But within two weeks of getting my new job, I found out I was pregnant (November 09). When I told Ryan he wanted me to keep the baby, and started getting aggressive again because I was absolutely certain that I didn't. I then decided that we needed a break for a week so that I could sort my head out, but he wouldn't leave me alone, and because I was hormonal and stressed, I said a lot of horrible things that I couldn't stop myself from saying.
Suddenly, he stopped trying to contact me, and so I decided to contact him - and in return he told me to leave him alone, and that he now needed some space. I became paranoid that he was seeing a girl called Charlotte, who had been hanging out with us for a couple of months. He denied it, but I was hearing things from some so-called mates which led me to believe otherwise.

Eventually, I lost the plot completely and couldn't handle being ignored and not knowing answers, as I needed to make the decision whether to keep the baby or get a termination. In the end, I believed that it was best to not carry on with the pregnancy because Ryan didn't want anything to do with me. The day after the termination he told me never to speak to him or go near him again.

A couple of weeks later, I found out that Ryan was in a relationship with Charlotte, just as I had suspected. I was heartbroken, and depressed for about two months. Occasionally, however, Ryan would phone me or text me, and it would give me hope... eventhough I hated him at the time, I always wished I could have him back.

I had almost completely forced myself to move on, until a couple of weeks ago, when I received a visit from Ryan. He told me he wanted to be with me again, and that he didn't want Charlotte, and that he was sorry he had hurt me, and that he has changed. My immediate reaction was that he was lying and that I wasn't interested... but now, after seeing him a few more times, and remembering how good things were between us, has softened my heart once more. He says he wants to make a go of it properly this time because we know eachother better than anyone else will. He says he still loves me.

I love him. I know a lot of people might think I'm too young to know what love is, but I really do feel it. We had the most amazing times together, and we stuck together through the terrible times aswell, no matter how hard it was. The only thing I don't think I can ever forgive him for, was the way he treated me when I was pregnant, and after the termination. I've never hurt more than that in my whole entire life.

[Doc Durian]

You ****ed each other over but you had it in your bloodstream even before you met him... from what you've said.

Move on... spare him, spare yourself... move on.

Do better next time.

[girl68]

Sorry to break it to ya but no, you guys didn't "stick it out together through rough times".

No you shouldn't go back there is far too much nasty history for all to be forgiven and forgotten.

[dystopia]

Yeah, you're both right... I just hoped there was something still there. I don't want anyone else. I never have wanted anyone else. But everything just went so wrong, when we started off so perfectly, and then it couldn't have got much worse.

[Gigabitch]

Too much damage. Better to start off with someone else. you'll never forget the rotten things you've said and done to one another, and you'll never trust each other because you know you both have a tendency to get horrible when stressed.

[Perryville]

First, was the baby his or was it one of the guys you cheated with? How can YOU blame him for anything?.. You were the cheater, you're lucky he even wants you back. Let him be and try to be honest with someone else. BTW, did you tell him about the cheating or did he find out from someone else.........My rule is: NO SECOND CHANCES FOR CHEATERS......EVER!!!!