Help!!!!!!

[Oldgal]

Honestly, i realize... i really like him. He told me that we could be friends with benefits. That hes not ready for a relationship. Then he told me that he really likes me. Then he told me that he has feelings for me. But he reminded me not to catch feelings for him. He invited me over to sleep over at his place, i declined to sleep over, but we spent time together. He came over to my place and asked if he could stay the night, i agreed. The day before he left for his 4 month trip over seas he told me that he would miss me. I said i would too. He asked if i would miss him for him or miss him for the sex. I said i would miss him for him. We hugged, he kissed my cheek and he left for his trip. Despite all the times hes told me not to fall for him, the other stuff is messing with my head. I dont know what to do with how i feel. I dont know what i want. I just know that i dont want to feel this way. Help?

[Hooo!]

Then find out what you want
Or realize that you can just see where it goes when he is back, if you don’t want to decide now

[Oldgal]

I guess im scared that i will get hurt. I need to get over that fear. Thanks Hooo!

[Hooo!]

What is love?
Baby don’t hurt me
Don’t hurt me no more
:-)

Ye well if you are lovers you will get hurt sometimes. That’s part of the deal.

The alternative would be not to love in order not to get hurt
However that only means you are already hurt and it’s worse
But that’s just my opinion

[Oldgal]

Haha, that song is going to replay in my head for sure.

Yeah, i think you are right. I don't want to not love. He's gone for a long time, i guess thats a good thing. Have enough time to get my ducks in a row lol.

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Thanks again Hooo!

[TheEvilJester]

What is love?
Baby don’t hurt me
Don’t hurt me no more
:-)

Bopping my head over here now.

I agree with Hooo, though. I will also say, if you never go for something you really want out of fear of falling short of your goal.... then you'll never have anything in life. So, if you feel like you want something more serious with him, but decide not to even try because you are too afraid of rejection/getting hurt.... well, then you are ultimately making it inevitable (most likely) that it won't work anyway. So, the end result will be no different. You without a relationship.

Believe me, I don't mean to imply that is so easy. Rejection sucks. Who wouldn't want to avoid it? But, you don't know if you will be rejected unless you try. Plus, rejection does suck.... but you get past it, you get over it, you learn from it, you grow from it. ...Heck, hopefully you won't even have to anyway, though. Hopefully you can talk to him about it, and find you two are on the same page after all. It definitely sounds like he has maybe started to have feelings for you. He even said it himself.

So, I would say talk to him about it. Share with him that you HAVE started to have deeper feelings. That maybe at first you were okay with taking things slow as he wasn't ready for a relationship, but that now it is becoming more real for you. Approach it with the attitude that it is okay if he doesn't feel the same way, but that it may not be enough for you if that is the case. In other words, if he isn't willing to get more serious, that isn't wrong of him. That is within his rights. But, that doesn't mean it has to be okay for you. If that's not enough for you, you are also within your rights to move on.

Tell her about it
Tell her everything you feel
Give her every reason to accept
That you're for real

Just replace those "hers" with "hims." LOL! I felt like going with the music theme. Good luck to you.

[Hooo!]

I would not do that
Guys can have problems with the whole love thing and may need to take it slow.
Some men just have been hurt and that’s why they hesitate going in a real relationship with commmitment
They are scared to be hurt.
Being full on may trigger that.

Don’t get me wrong. If I wanted to then I would talk about our relation and future
But I would avoid „love“ if he doesn’t bring it up

[TheEvilJester]

Well, allow me to clarify. I was not suggesting using the word love. But, the thing is, he himself has told HER he's getting deeper feelings for her.... yet he apparently always buffers that with warnings that she shouldn't fall for him. So, maybe it is just me, but I don't see what there would be to gain in NOT talking to him about it at this point. Again, it doesn't even have to be a talk like "I want to get more serious NOW." It can just be a sort of "Hey, I feel like I am getting deeper feelings, so I need to just be sure we are headed in the same direction." Doesn't necessarily have to have a specific time frame as long as they both know they are headed in the same direction.

Again, I admit I could be wrong, but I just don't see the benefit in NOT addressing it. Why just continue to go on as though nothing has changed and just hope for the best? He's actually actively warned her not to fall for him.... yet has admitted he's falling for her. Maybe it's just me, but I just imagine too many possible problems if they don't talk about it.

[Hooo!]

No you are correct
But since both parties are probably scared of being hurt a certain amount of carefulness sensitivity and empathy is appropriate when talking about it

[Oldgal]

You both are right. There does need to be a talk at some point if things go the way they were when he gets back. Both people have definitely been hurt badly. Thank-you TheEvilJester and Hooo! It was actually really comforting to read your posts. Really really appreciate it!

[TheEvilJester]

Well, I am glad we were able to help in any way. Good luck to you. I hope all goes well for you.