Okay...question (although I think I have my answer already)

[CAM]

Okay. Met really nice woman, just past 30 y/o. Finishing doctorate. Very outspoken in a nice way. Comes from a successful professional family. Close to her folks and other relatives. We've spoken by phone several times, each time the conversation lasts for hours and hours.

She said she was "trouble" when she was younger. Come to find out that means rebellious. Did well in high school, but a bit of a rebel, in many cases seemingly small ways. Not ways that I thought were major or anything. She said she smoked for almost a decade, but quit. Okay, not major. Then, I asked, "Ever smoke pot?" Response: "Maybe." Okay, not major in today's world. Then I said, "ever do coke?" No response on that. Okay, working on a major issue, I think. Then I said, "So what else did you do? Get a tattoo?!" Response: "I have on across my lower back." She could tell I was wincing on the other end of the phone. She says, "I'm thinking about getting it removed, I don't know why I did that! It was stupid."

Me? Very traditional life. Very traditional.

So, my question is (and I think I know the answer): Do I just keep things rolling along to see what she's like in person or do I break contact now?

[Cain]

What someone did in their past is in their past. As long as they aren't practicing the same lifestyle, give her a chance.

[CAM]

okay. i think that bit about getting the tattoo removed is because she senses that I'll run like the wind, right?

[Gigabitch]

She's already got three strikes and we all know you're not the forgiving type, CAM. I think her drug use and tramp stamp are very likely to become dealbreakers.

Sure, it could be just your classic habit of making a list of ten reasons not to date someone, but I have a hard time imagining you getting past something like cocaine use, CAM.

Keep shopping.

[CAM]

She's already got three strikes and we all know you're not the forgiving type, CAM. I think her drug use and tramp stamp are very likely to become dealbreakers.

Sure, it could be just your classic habit of making a list of ten reasons not to date someone, but I have a hard time imagining you getting past something like cocaine use, CAM.

Keep shopping.

I never knew they called it a "Tramp Stamp." I take it that its something for the guy to look at while he's getting it on? So, the tattoo necessarily means that she's slut despite her claim to living a relatively sheltered life?

While you say I won't get over it (very probably not), the follow up question to you Giga, is: "Should I get over this?"

Too bad, really. Each one of these scenarios just makes me retreat further and further into myself.

[lastwish]

I didn't know tattoo is a sign of rebellion (except in that very cheesy, hollywood way). Tattoos are just art on your skin.

[vashti]

Jeezus. Who from that generation *didn't* experiment? I tried just about every drug there was when I was a kid. Had I been a teenager today, I probably would have ended up with a dumb tattoo, too. You aren't supposed to hold things a stupid kid does against them when they grow up, assuming she has moved beyond it all. Were you really so perfect? She's willing to consider getting rid of the tattoo, so what's the problem?

To be blunt, I think you should leave her alone. You have too many relationship issues you need to get over before dragging someone else down with them.

[CAM]

Jeezus. Who from that generation *didn't* experiment? I tried just about every drug there was when I was a kid. You aren't supposed to hold things a stupid kid does against them when they grow up, assuming she has moved beyond it all. Were you really so perfect?

To be blunt, I think you should leave her alone. You have too many relationship issues you need to get over before dragging someone else down with them.

Thanks. However, was I so perfect? Well, actually...pretty close to a "yes." Let's see...what did I do bad in my youth? I got in trouble for telling a lie once...a lie of omission since I was keeping true to a promise not to tell on a friend. What else? Nothing. Oh, I also bought a Playboy magazine (pre-Internet days, guys...when you actually had to go by it) and hid it my bedroom. Other than that, nothing.

I don't have relationship issues, per se. Since I don't know the person except for phone contact (as of yet or as of ever), I was soliticing your advice...not your scorn.

[Gigabitch]

Well, of course you should, just like I should be able to get past absolutely everything and we should just float two inches from the ground because we're both so evolved.

Ain't happening, though. I have a huge list of dealbreakers, some of which are completely unreasonable (i.e. in my house, there is no reggae. Period. Ever.) and it's just how it is.

So what do you do? Relax your standards just to get someone in your life? Maybe. Maybe I could date a guy who really loved reggae, but I wouldn't move in with him. Are you willing to have a relation with a sell-by date on it? You might date this girl, but you couldn't take her seriously as a potential wife?

[IndiReloaded]

Geeze Cam, even *I* smoked weed from a bong.

I have friends who used to make their own gunpowder from scratch & blow up minibombs in school dumpsters. She stopped, mind, after she once blew out a school window. Not while I was there, for the record. I was more interested in the chemistry than the application.

She's a lawyer now, lol. So maybe that's not saying much. But she's a good person & admits it was a dumb thing to do.

Like Vash said, it was a different time; different generation. What's important is how she processed it & who she is NOW.

My husband is a very stiff upper lip. From a very traditional, academic family. You know the rest already. One of the things I do for him is help him to lighten up & not take life quite so seriously.

Maybe that's what you need? Balance? A good friend once told me that the most attractive women are those who are that fine blend of intelligence, fire & class.

He's still looking mind, so its possible to be too picky Cam. I'd give her a chance--what's to lose? You're not getting married yet.

[CAM]

So, I move on then. A good time, too. Off to Florida for a week for a workshop. And, then summer moves on.

[CAM]

Sent my message before your advice...so, just let things ride and see what happens, then?

[IndiReloaded]

(i.e. in my house, there is no reggae. Period. Ever.) and it's just how it is.

No Bob Marley?? Okay, you are uninvited to my house then.


I'm kidding. I have lots of jazz & classical in my music library.

[IndiReloaded]

You cut off your nose to spite your face, IMO.

But then, you know your gut. Is she a freak or are you just freaking?

[vashti]

I don't have relationship issues, per se. Since I don't know the person except for phone contact (as of yet or as of ever), I was soliticing your advice...not your scorn.

I know very well you have issues.

I gave you advice. You should look for someone whose childhood, like yours, was rigidly black and white.