Dating foreigner, attraction slipping

[PavlodarSwede]

To give you all a short background, I am an American who has been living overseas for 3 years. I'm young, not terrible to look at, but not super macho in appearance or character. I have adapted quite well to the local culture (kazakhstan) and speak the language well (Russian). My Russian girlfriend and I speak Russian and we live together. In all, we've been together for about 1 year and 8 months.

I feel things are slipping and I don't know what to do. It seems our conversations are boring and meaningless (which i'll admit is occasionally language barrier related, but not often) and it seems like she isn't attracted to me anymore. When I mention this to her, she doesn't defend herself they way she would if I accused her of something any other time. Which makes me stop, wonder, and worry.

Our sex life is EXTREMELY dull. The same two-three positions, maybe once a week. Almost no foreplay, and only traditional sex positions. "You need to give her foreplay and do the same things you expect - oral, etc." is what you think. I tell you I love going down on women and love foreplay. But believe me, setting the mood doesn't help. She doesn't like to kiss passionately, she doesn't even like kissing with her tongue! She definitely does not like me fingering her, giving her oral or using any toys.

The problem is - all that would be fine if sex was good. But sex for us a short thing - 5 minutes max. I realize I have some early cumming issues to deal with, but our anatomy plays a role as well - i'm large and she's quite small, meaning long, drawn-out sex isn't an option for her. She says that quick and hard is how she likes it and if i try to slow it down (so that i don't orgasm so quickly), she can't get off and it starts to hurt.

As a result, she doesn't want sex from me. I get turned on easily because i'm a guy, but it isn't hot and enjoyable. She lays there like a goddam log and i try to give it to her the way she likes.

Basically, she doesn't want to change anything and it isn't even worth it to try to discuss with her other options. I'm sexually frustrated, end up self-pleasuring myself often, and see no relief in sight to our passionless relationship.

I've considered breaking-up, but she moved over 600 miles to be with me from another city. I feel like I owe it to her and us to be patient and try to work on things. She isn't one of those foreigners who just wants to be with an American. I don't know how to make sex better without changing things (which she doesn't want) and I don't know how to make our personal relationship more interesting.

Advice?

[angel2002]

First of all, she movied there, its her decision and if u have to break up u should not consider this a barrier, adult people make decisions and she made hers seems like u already know what yours will be.
Cultural things can affect how people behave, their personality, but its weird how sex is with u 2. has she always been this way? or this is happening lately?
If shes always been this way so u knew bout it and even that you loved her for who she is, so i dont think she will change the way she thinks or act when sexing. She sounds a little bit selfish when it comes about sex and its not nice having a partner that just think bout themselfs when it becomes to anything that concerns a couple.
Talk to her about it again and make her understand that a relationship is a change, what u can give and what u can get, and in yours its been only a way road, u give her and get nothing in return, if even telling her how u feel, she doesnt make any effort to change, then i guess breaking up its the best thing to do. Sex is not everything in a relationship, but sure its 90%, and if sex is not good the almost anything isnt.
Good luck

[nerdy_guy]

If the only thing that's bothering you about not letting go is her 600 mile trip, then its not really much. As you said, she's not the type of person that uses an American as a wallet, so I'm expecting she's not in poverty level lifestyle. If she can move 600 miles just to be with you, she can go back 600 miles the other way as well. Since your biggest issue is sex, I think its really not worth all the emotional baggage that's starting to pile up. Like you said, it doesn't seem to bother her when you told her she's not emotionally invested into the relationship anyway.

[Indignant]

or you could always kick her out into the streets and have her find her way back somehow. i am sure her parents will finance her return to her shithole. 5 "HERs" in one post. that's my new record.

[lovefool87]

Sadly, having a spark is a huge part of a relationship and if she isn't willing to try, then you should realize that you deserve better.

[lahnnabell]

You owe it to her to be patient enough to work things out? You've been very patient with her, and she's given you nothing in return.

And you guys seem to be very mismatched sexually. There is nothing wrong with that, but you need to call it like it is and either work together to find a balance (which she seems to not want to do), or call it a day.

[Indignant]

so no consideration for cultural differences?