To whom it may concern

[ms.alyb]

What do you do when you feel like the one person you want, the one person you can’t see yourself without; you’re best friend feels like a brick wall. My heart can’t deal with learning to love another, I’ve come this far, he’s done so much for me to improve and help make the most out of my life and I only want to give everything to him. I want to have his children, I want to spend the rest of my life making him smile, making him proud, and making him happy. He shows me, he tells me, he appreciates me. But it’s not good enough, it never is. Is there ever going to be a way for me to live in the shadow of a memory? To be second place in his heart to someone who chose not to be there anymore. I am more determined to ride this out as long as I most possibly can, because I can’t love anyone else. It ends with him. I have never felt so strongly about anything else.
He talks of his aspirations. We had plans, and I think we still do. I can’t help but feel like it’s an act, maybe he’s pretending. I have gone to church, because I need to have faith, I need to feel joy to not forget what it is, I want to feel like that strong person I should be, because I need strength to carry on. It’s love. Love is the greatest thing in the world, if there isn’t love there isn’t life. There isn’t a reason for life. This is where he and I would disagree. He was hurt so bad. The pain of feeling love and losing love has scarred him. And I thought it did me, sometimes I think it still does, but how can I still be here, how come I can’t be anywhere else, if my love for him isn’t strong. It is. It is so strong it is overpowering of any other thought or feeling in my whole entire being. He will never be happy if he continues to compare us to a failure. Love teaches us things. The greatest thing I’d learned from my heartbreak is that it is possible to have that “no-worries”; amazing feeling like you really can do anything. It’s the sense of invincibility that love gives you. Although it did not last before, there is no reason for me to dwell, reject or obsess about never having it again. It only makes me want it more. I just wish there was a way for me to make him see some light. He’s shut off to anything really wonderful and spectacular because he’s seen the downside of happiness. He’s seen the downside and I believe he resides there only because it’s easier, “more realistic” to never be naïve, to be let down again. I will forever wrack my brain, my heart to help him see there’s someone who loves him more than anything else in the world. He gives me that feeling and it hurts so bad to always be in second place when you’re heart wants nothing more than to feel it back.
I read a quote in the last few days, I don’t know who said it but it goes “If someone wants to be a part of your life, they’ll make an effort to be in it. So don’t bother reserving a space in your heart for someone who doesn’t make an effort to stay.” It really hit me, the truth of it. The fears I had toward really letting go, really letting myself be in love. I can’t let what happened before be the end of potential happiness. Although I loved him like I did and will always remember what that experience showed me, bottom line, he chose not to be in my heart anymore. That specific quote is what makes me feel stronger about the one I love. I have realized myself how unfair it is to the both of us for me to compare my feelings to something that has failed. I would still be unsatisfied and unhappy. I have accomplished a great deal of clarity within my heart.
As much as it pains me to hear her name, be in comparison and live in her shadow, I can never hate her. She is after all a part of who he has become. And I can’t deny the fact that she was the reason he was truly happy at least once in his life. All things happen for a reason. If it wasn’t for her and the experiences he had with her, then there would not be us. We would not be where we are.
The other thoughts that brew in my mind are why he brought me here. He must have seen a speck of faith in him and me. I hope he still does.
I will never stop believing in us. Never stop believing that things will be eventually be okay. Never stop believing in love. That it can do wondrous things.
"Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance." 1 Corinthians 13:7
Patience, please help me.

[bulrush]

He shows me, he tells me, he appreciates me. But it’s not good enough, it never is.
He gives me that feeling and it hurts so bad to always be in second place when you’re heart wants nothing more than to feel it back.
As much as it pains me to hear her name, be in comparison and live in her shadow, I can never hate her.

Can you explain these statements above? Did he break up with you and see another person? Or did he have an affair while you two were still dating?

He will never be happy if he continues to compare us to a failure.

Can you explain this?

"Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance." 1 Corinthians 13:7

You will notice that the Bible doesn't claim that love cures all things, like many love songs do. Because it doesn't. Actions can heal a person's scars, love merely provides us with the patience to be there for someone while they heal themselves.