I Keep Trying to Date Older Women

[Wallace Stevens]

I'm twenty-three, and I'm attracted almost exclusively to older women, but they rarely reciprocate my overtures. I think part of the problem is that I went to graduate school at the relatively young age of twenty-one, and all of the girls in my class are older.

But I'm never attracted to younger women. They strike me as flightly and naive, and I feel creepy skulking around the undergraduate campus.

Any suggestions? Should I bite the bullet and try to find them? Are my hopes with older women too unrealistic?

[vashti]

How much older are you talking?

[bluesummer]

You might have some luck with the girls a year or two older than you, but women generally prefer older men. All of my friends married older. Some of them MUCH older. I don't think I ever saw any of them date younger.

[Wallace Stevens]

How much older are you talking?

26, 27. (Again, I'm 23.)

[ecojeanne]

i'm curious, what is it about older women? don't you prefer to be with someone your own age at all? does it have anything to do with them having their own commitments going on and leaves you free from commitment? what is so appealing?

i'm asking coz i have this 24yr old after me. it's funny really and cute at the same time. he's so adorable, like a puppy.

[Wallace Stevens]

i'm curious, what is it about older women? don't you prefer to be with someone your own age at all? does it have anything to do with them having their own commitments going on and leaves you free from commitment? what is so appealing?

i'm asking coz i have this 24yr old after me. it's funny really and cute at the same time. he's so adorable, like a puppy.

Their experience attracts me. I have great conversations with them; I feel like I can learn from them. When I hit on a 19-year-old, they seem naive and not worldly. Our conversations seem like a necessary, but uninteresting, prelude to sex. When I go for an older woman, I feel this incredible rush, partially because it's taboo and because I feel like I'm in the presence of someone worth chasing.

[bluesummer]

Their experience may attract YOU, but most women don't feel like being a mentor to some young thing. They want a person who's already established.

[Wallace Stevens]

You're absolutely right, although I feel like I'm relatively established for my age.

[bluesummer]

Everyone your age feels that way. Everyone your age feels like they are "mature for their age" and therefore would connect with someone older. I felt that way when I was your age.

There are other 23 year olds out there that think/act as you do.....go find one of them. I guarantee you'll be a lot happier than trying to source out an older woman who actually believes you're as mature as you perceive yourself to be.

That was NOT meant to be an insult btw.

[IndiReloaded]

21 is a year or two ahead of the typical graduate school entry age (the bright ones who go straight from BSc/BA to PhD, that is). You are either precocious, an early entry child or moved from abroad and skipped ahead in the school system.

Have you graduated yet? Three years is a very short grad degree, unless you did a masters or are in a non-science program.

As for your dating concerns, 19 year olds are barely out of high school. Its no wonder you'd find them immature. Try mingling with grad students from other departments to find someone like-minded. Find some seminars outside your dept that might be interesting & chat them up afterward at the coffee table. Or date women who are already in the professional workplace after uni after their first degree (e.g. nurse, engineer, accountant).

[Wallace Stevens]

No, I think you're perceptive. Most people assume that they are more intelligent and mature than they are. In fact, I think most 23-year-old women would feel like I do, by the logic of your argument.

I feel like I'm in a fishbowl of a dating scene, but I shouldn't make excuses. There are other places to meet women.

[Wallace Stevens]

I'm a second year law student. I graduated college at 19, thanks to a heavy dose of AP classes, and matriculated in law school after a year of work.

I've been finding these women through graduate programs and my own fishbowl law school dating scene. For instance, last night I met an art history grad student who I liked, but she's 29. Once they find out my age, it's generally a deal breaker.

[IndiReloaded]

Sounds like you need to find someone as precocious as yourself. At least right now. As you get older your age will become less of an issue.

Keep looking. I was in grad school at 23, straight out of college. Two of my friends entered MD programs a year before that, right out of 3rd year undergrad. So, there are women you would find interesting of an age with you. But, they are busy, just like you. I spent a lot of my time in the library back then & the closest coffee shop. I can't imagine things have changed that much.

[miSSleepy]

Wait, you're 23.... you say talking to a 19 year old isn't satisfying. That's considerably younger than you (not in years per se, but it makes a big different at that stage). What about girls your own age? I'm certain you can find someone mature enough at 23. Besides, someone 3 years older than you isn't that much older...I thought you were talking 10 + years.

[Wallace Stevens]

So the same older girl who I thought was uninterested after our first date just texted me: "So I really want to hang but this week didn't work. Rain check? Hope ur well. Call me anytime." I still think it's strange that she couldn't find time to see me on *Labor Day* weekend. What do I make of it? What should I do next?