Am I wrong to be upset?

[Alys]

Hi y'all. A little background on my relationship is that we have been dating for 2.5 years and live 7 hours from each other. I've been driving to him every weekend for the last 7 months to help him work on his house.

His house was being renovated to sell, and we just finished it yesterday. The plan was that he was going to make the drive this upcoming weekend, as I have been the one doing all of the commuting. Yesterday his buddy that he hasn't seen in three months told my boyfriend that he's coming to town to visit next weekend. Without even asking how I felt about it, my boyfriend decided to stay home next weekend and not visit me, to see his friend.

I'm torn because I want him to have fun with his friend, but I also want him to come see me. We haven't done anything fun in 7 months...except go to IHOP for pancakes twice, because we have been working nonstop on his house. I had planned this weekend to be fun and relaxing and scheduled a hot air balloon ride.

I feel petty that I'm so upset by his actions. Should I just let the situation settle and be ok with it?

Side note: he leaves for a 9 month deployment in 6 weeks.

[pcmaster]

Where to get a girl like you? Drives 7 hours every weekend and that to help renovate house?

I think you really been working hard in this relationship and to help your BF. also you are romantic type and you did deserve that he would drive to you this time. But yeah he made a big mistake. If you think he deserves another chance then dont make too much drama out of this. But if this repeats then you have rights to stand up for yourself. Actually you could even tell him your side of story so he could see what he did to you.

Wish you happy rest 6 weeks together. Enjoy eachother !

[TheEvilJester]

You are definitely NOT wrong to be upset. You two had plans. Maybe they were somewhat tentative plans in that you two didn't necessarily discuss specific plans, just basically that he was going to drive to you this time.... but you still had plans that the weekend in question was going to be your weekend.

Now, this is a friend he apparently hasn't seen in a while, so that is a little more understandable... BUT what was not okay was the way he just decided to change plans on you without even running it by you first. Is this a first time offense, or is this something he does all the time? I ask because that may make a difference in how I personally feel on the situation.

If we are talking about a first time offense.... I'll come right out and say it.... we guys can be boneheads. We can be idiots. He may just not have realized what he did was wrong/potentially hurtful. He may not have been doing it because he doesn't value you/he values this friend more.... he may have just cluelessly done it not seeing why it was a problem. So.... I'd say you at least give him the benefit of the doubt on that if it is a first time offense.... but that doesn't mean you have to just let it go if it bothers you. You can certainly talk to him about it and explain why this upset you. For now, I think I'd suggest you let him use that weekend to see his friend, but ask that you two reschedule your planned weekend. If this sort of thing becomes a pattern, then it definitely becomes a problem.

On the other hand, if this already HAS become a consistent problem, then I would definitely say it is time to talk about it. If he can't make you the priority he should, then either he needs to wake the heck up and change, or you need to send him packing. I could be wrong, but it sounds like this was just a first time offense, though. So, like I said, could just be him being a boneheaded guy. Doesn't mean you have to just let it slide, but you shouldn't worry too much/escalate it too much this soon. Though, again, you can certainly explain to him why this would upset you.

Good luck.

[BrandonCodi]

My question is for how long will his friend be in town?

7 hours is a hell of a drive. My girlfriend used to live 2 hours away and I always hated that drive. For you to visit him every weekend meant you spent 14 hours on the road out of your 48 hour weekend. Wow. That's commitment. At the same time this could be negative for you as well. That much exposure will make him value your time less. This is unfortunate, but it's true. He's seen you so frequently the past couple of months that he doesn't feel like you really needed to spend another weekend together because his friend was visiting. He saw his friend 3 months ago which is why he's now valuing time with his friend more than yours.

You see how this works?

You're a great girlfriend for doing that and he should not have ditched you, but I recommend seeing him a little less to show him that you have a life of your own and he can't just snap his fingers and you drive to him. I wouldn't get too mad about the situation because again, he rarely sees that friend. Just make sure he follows through on those plans the next time.

Cheers

[Hooo!]

Have you told him exactly what you told us in the same nonagressive way?

[TheEvilJester]

My question is for how long will his friend be in town?

That's a good point too that I forgot. For example, if this friend is only there for that weekend and then he has to leave again, that certainly becomes a lot more understandable. If that friend is back for good or at least a lengthy period of time now, then there's no reason they couldn't have gotten together some other weekend.

Again, though, if this is the first time this happened it may just be a case of him not realizing it was wrong to do that. Brandon does also bring up a good point that you two have seen each other so much lately (you mentioned you've driven yo him every weekend) that he may not have seen why it would matter to skip one weekend.

Either way, 7 hours one way is quite a trip. Is there any chance any time in the near future you two can be geographically closer? I mean, my hat's off to you. That would be WAY too much distance for me. Heck, I hate driving a couple hours just like Brandon said. Seven hours would drive me insane.... well... more insane. Especially having to drive that regularly..... twice per weekend, no less.