Is what I do normal?

[IowaTheState]

1) So I'm a guy who would only date a girl if she is a virgin, Idk I just feel disgusted thinking that someone was there before me.
2) And say I'm with a girl and we break up, we sort things out and want to get back togheter BUT if she dated someone else after the breakup I can't take her back anymore no matter what. Its the fact that they dated, even if they didn't kiss or more, I just can't take her back even if I would be happy with her and got 200,000,000$ for it.. like NO! 0% chance ever.

What do you think? is this normal?

[TheEvilJester]

I don't deal in normal. ....Though, maybe that's just because normal is about the last word anybody would ever use to describe me.

So, I don't think it is really the right question to ask is it normal or is it not? When it comes down to it, you can't help what you do/don't find attractive. If you can't help that you find it incredibly unappealing if a woman has been with somebody before you, then I'm not really sure that is something you can change.

I will say this, though. We live in a very different day and age. These days, people don't really think of their virginity as something of much value. People lose it at such young ages these days. The idea of "saving yourself for marriage" or "saving yourself for that one special somebody" is becoming more and more of an antiquated idea in today's world. My point being.... if you expect to be with women who have only ever been with you.... your prospects are probably going to be very few and far between. If you are okay with that, then fine.

If not, then maybe it is something you may need to reconsider. After all, in all honesty it SHOULDN'T matter if somebody's had other partners or not. As long as they've been safe, they are healthy, and they are otherwise everything you want in a partner, that should be good enough. But, again, if it is something about yourself you just can't help, something very ingrained in yourself, then you can't help that. We can't help what we do and do not find attractive. Just like a person cannot decide they want to be straight or gay, if this is something about you that you cannot change then no amount of us telling you or you telling yourself it needs to change it going to change it.

So, I think the bottom line comes down to just how important is that to you. If you do feel like you could let go of it and be open to women who have had other partners, then that would certainly be my suggestion. If you can't do that, then you'll just have to adjust and do your best to find somebody who agrees with your ideals. I will say this, though.... what definitely WOULD be wrong is if you were to vilify these women in any way for having had other partners. It is perfectly okay if that doesn't work for you, but it is NOT okay to punish/mistreat others because maybe they don't agree with your beliefs. So you certainly shouldn't say anything dis-respectful to women like that, or label them a "whore" or anything like that. ...But again, if you truly just cannot help this part of you, then you just need to look for the right partner who agrees with this.

[richiro]

its' not normal no.
it's not healthy.
but you arne't eh only one who has expressed this before.

however, it's un-sustainable.. when youre young maybe it's workable but as you get into the late 20s and into your 30s - the numbers dwindle down fast as to who is a virgin and not. so.. if you insist on it, you better hope you find your love fast b/c in just a few years - yo won't have anybody else left to date and make a run with.

[Hooo!]

Interesting. Thank you for sharing this.

I have some questions for you and I am curious if you can answer them:
What exactly is it about people have been there before that disgusts you so strongly? I do not understand this.

Have you kissed a girl?

[TheEvilJester]

however, it's un-sustainable.. when youre young maybe it's workable but as you get into the late 20s and into your 30s - the numbers dwindle down fast as to who is a virgin and not. so.. if you insist on it, you better hope you find your love fast b/c in just a few years - yo won't have anybody else left to date and make a run with.

A good point to consider. Especially in this day and age where people tend to lose their virginity as soon as they can rather than to think of it as anything even the least bit special. It's one thing if you are in high school. Then your choice of women who have not had any other partners might be much more plentiful. Frankly, these days even in your early 20's finding women within your age range who've had no other partners becomes pretty difficult. In your late 20's and into 30's it isn't impossible, but becomes pretty darn unlikely. It's sort of like the people I just don't get on dating sites when they are in, say, their late 20's, early 30's, late 30's, and insist upon somebody who has never been married. The older you get, the less likely it is that people your age won't either be A) currently married or B) divorced.

So, again, if you CAN somehow find a way to look past it and get over it, then you certainly should. But, again, sometimes things like that aren't something we can change about ourselves. Just like, say if you didn't find purple women with bright blue hair attractive, you probably can't help that you don't find them attractive, you just don't. It isn't like you DECIDED to find them unattractive.... it just so happens that you don't. By the way, I realize that was a ridiculous example, but I was just using a wild example to illustrate my point.

I can certainly understand not wanting to be with somebody who is OVERLY sexual. I, myself, am kind of a modest guy. But, I don't personally see why it matters if a woman has had other partners. Maybe I could see the objection if she's had hundreds or thousands. LOL! But, again... that's me. No two people are different. So, either you can look past that or you can't. If you can't though, you'll have to be able to live with the consequences of that, one of which being that your options will dwindle more and more over time.

[BrandonCodi]

TheEvilJester makes some fair points as well.

How old are you son?
It's not practical at all for you to think like this. I don't think it's normal at all. Get over yourself man. Now I agree that the amount of guys a girl has been with can start to get repulsive - if she has been with more than 10, I'd have a hard time dating her, but if I'm hooking up with her and she's clean then whatever. She could have been with 50 guys. If she's hot and clean then whatever.

If you MUST have a virgin, then you should get ahold of a girl as quick as you can and tie her down for life man because I'm only 22 and I don't know ANY girl that is my age that is a virgin and attractive. I know virgins that aren't attractive, but you wouldn't want them, or maybe you're into that I don't know.

Also if they can't even have dated anyone before, you're probably going to find a girl who's not very confident in herself and you'll have to do a lot of damage control to make her feel good about herself. She'll probably be insecure about her body/personality/everything. But if that's what you're into best of luck. I just think you should really work on yourself because you are not normal, no.

Cheers

[TheEvilJester]

If you MUST have a virgin, then you should get ahold of a girl as quick as you can and tie her down for life man because I'm only 22 and I don't know ANY girl that is my age that is a virgin and attractive.

See, case in point. Brandon is only 22. Most would consider that pretty young. ....Yet most women he knows around his age are already no longer virgins. And THAT is really the norm these days, it seems. It's a dying mindset to want to wait for marriage, or even to at least wait for somebody who particularly matters. These days, it is more treated like a thing to just get over with as soon as you can. So, finding women who meet your standards may be hard.... and will only get harder with age.

Again, though, if it is something on which you cannot bend, then I guess all I can do is wish you good luck. Though, if you feel like maybe you CAN find a way to relax a bit on your restriction in this regard, it would be in your best interest. Good luck to you either way.