Will he ever forgive me?

[pepper]

Hey,

I liked this guy that I have known for years (we would just run into each other from time to time and we went to high school together before that). Anyway, I started asking him to hang out a couple months back. He agreed and one thing lead to another and we were making out all of the time. A month or two went by and when we started hanging out again he said he did not want to fool around anymore because he was a difficult time in his life. He had an ex gf that he had an 8 year on and off again relationship with (I know this girl; we all went to high school together). He said he needed time to figure out what he wanted in life but he still wanted to be my friend. We hung out a few times and then one time we made out again. I ended up telling him that I thought I was having feelings for him. He said he did not feel the same way about me. At first I felt played, so I got a little angry. More like the asking a lot of questions kind of angry...not the yelling or calling him names kind. Anyway, he ended up telling me he doesn't want to be my friend anymore because he thinks I cause too much stress in his life. Is there anything I can do that will get this guy to forgive me? I know I do not have feelings for him, but I still care about him and wish we could go back to talking.

[ShellyZ]

Forgive you for what? He was leading you on, seeing how far he could get with you even though he didn't have feelings for you. You have every right to be angry about that. Don't bother with him anymore, he's not a good friend.

[pepper]

He is really messed up about his ex though. When he said he did not want to talk for a while I did not respect his wishes. Now he doesn't want to talk to me at all. I just want him to know I am not a self-centred bitch.

[ShellyZ]

Being messed up about his ex is no excuse. Let him be messed up about it by himself, and maybe when he matures a little bit he'll start talking to you again.

[Wakeup]

Forgive you for what? He was leading you on, seeing how far he could get with you even though he didn't have feelings for you. You have every right to be angry about that. Don't bother with him anymore, he's not a good friend.

Where does it show that he was leading her on? She chose to have sex with this guy without the benefit of commitment. He told her more than once that he didn't want anything of substance with her.

OP: Take a hint. The guy does not want you in his life. As sad as that makes you feel have some dignity and let this one go from your life. Next time don't have any expectations for anything more if all you've got going is sexual hookups.

A month or two went by and when we started hanging out again he said he did not want to fool around anymore because he was a difficult time in his life.

If a guy goes a month or two without hanging out with you or wanting to see you then that is a very good indication that he doesn't value you and will take what you offer but won't offer you much more back.

[pepper]

Where does it show that he was leading her on? She chose to have sex with this guy without the benefit of commitment. He told her more than once that he didn't want anything of substance with her.

OP: Take a hint. The guy does not want you in his life. As sad as that makes you feel have some dignity and let this one go from your life. Next time don't have any expectations for anything more if all you've got going is sexual hookups.

When I said no to the whole fooling around part, he kept sending me messages telling me he could not wait to see me. He would send me messages after just asking me how my week was. He made it look like he really did care about me. He never said it was me he didn't want to be with until after. He said he needed to sort his life out but he enjoyed talking to me. Then he fooled around with me again.

[Wakeup]

He said he enjoyed talking with you he didn't say he wanted you to be his girlfriend.

Where does it say you said no to fooling around? You opening post doesn't indicate you had that conversation. In fact, it says it was you that started asking him to hang out with you. If you wanted more than a sexual relationship with him, you should have not made it so it was sexual relationship only. He didn't mislead you, he wanted to see you because you gave him sex. There is nothing wrong with sexual relationships if you're both on the same page but you can't expect sex to lead you into a committed, monogamous relationship. It could lead to one but you can't expect it to.

... He talked to you and then you fooled around with him again knowing 100% for sure that he didn't want a relationship with you and he needed to sort his life out. A guy who wants you in a gf/bf sort of way would not tell you that he needed to sort his life out.

Chalk this up to a learned lesson about having sex with someone before you know where their relationship/dating goals are at and that you'll make sure you both wish to head in the same direction before indulging. I'm sure you enjoyed the times you had so don't regret them... It was what it was.

Zero contact now and you'll get over him and forget about all except the lesson. You don't need him to forgive you, you need him to leave you alone and you need to leave him alone so you both can figure out what your relationship goals are and prepare the personal boundaries that will lead you to your goal.

He's indecisive and a person who has been in an 8 year on and off relationship. That tells me he doesn't have a clue about what he wants and has trouble letting go. You dont' want that kind of guy in your life.

[pepper]

He said he enjoyed talking with you he didn't say he wanted you to be his girlfriend.

Where does it say you said no to fooling around? You opening post doesn't indicate you had that conversation. In fact, it says it was you that started asking him to hang out with you. If you wanted more than a sexual relationship with him, you should have not made it so it was sexual relationship only. He didn't mislead you, he wanted to see you because you gave him sex. There is nothing wrong with sexual relationships if you're both on the same page but you can't expect sex to lead you into a committed, monogamous relationship. It could lead to one but you can't expect it to.

... He talked to you and then you fooled around with him again knowing 100% for sure that he didn't want a relationship with you and he needed to sort his life out. A guy who wants you in a gf/bf sort of way would not tell you that he needed to sort his life out.

Chalk this up to a learned lesson about having sex with someone before you know where their relationship/dating goals are at and that you'll make sure you both wish to head in the same direction before indulging. I'm sure you enjoyed the times you had so don't regret them... It was what it was.

Zero contact now and you'll get over him and forget about all except the lesson.

We never had sex. We only fooled around like making out and other sexual acts. When he first started to try and kiss me I stopped him. He then kept sending me msgs about how my day was and whatnot. I know this past relationship he was in. This girl was a bitch to him. The guy has finally gone back to school and is finally doing something he is interested in. He said he doesn't know what he wants in life. He never had that time in his life to be single. From the age of 17-25 he dealth with relationships and drama. I added to that drama. I know he cares about me... I just want to know what can I do to allow us to be on speaking terms again?

[pepper]

He said he enjoyed talking with you he didn't say he wanted you to be his girlfriend.

Where does it say you said no to fooling around? You opening post doesn't indicate you had that conversation. In fact, it says it was you that started asking him to hang out with you. If you wanted more than a sexual relationship with him, you should have not made it so it was sexual relationship only. He didn't mislead you, he wanted to see you because you gave him sex. There is nothing wrong with sexual relationships if you're both on the same page but you can't expect sex to lead you into a committed, monogamous relationship. It could lead to one but you can't expect it to.

... He talked to you and then you fooled around with him again knowing 100% for sure that he didn't want a relationship with you and he needed to sort his life out. A guy who wants you in a gf/bf sort of way would not tell you that he needed to sort his life out.

Chalk this up to a learned lesson about having sex with someone before you know where their relationship/dating goals are at and that you'll make sure you both wish to head in the same direction before indulging. I'm sure you enjoyed the times you had so don't regret them... It was what it was.

Zero contact now and you'll get over him and forget about all except the lesson.

We never had sex. We only fooled around like making out and other sexual acts. When he first started to try and kiss me I stopped him. He then kept sending me msgs about how my day was and whatnot. I know this past relationship he was in. This girl was a bitch to him. The guy has finally gone back to school and is finally doing something he is interested in. He said he doesn't know what he wants in life. He never had that time in his life to be single. From the age of 17-25 he dealth with relationships and drama. I added to that drama. I know he cares about me... I just want to know what can I do to allow us to be on speaking terms again?

[Wakeup]

Other "sexual acts" is having sex. If your genitals were involved in anyway then you were having a form of sex.

He said he doesn't know what he wants. Well that's blatantly obvious to at least me. He told you so you need to believe him and you need to accept that he's not ready to be in any type of emotional or sexual entaglements at the moment. Leave him alone and when/if he wants to be with you in a bf/gf or platonic friendship dynamic with you, he will get in touch with you.

If he does contact you and you like him enough to want to be his gf then make sure you both are wanting the same thing before you "fool around" and perform any 'sexual acts." on one another.

Don't call or contact him and soon enough you'll be indifferent to him and his mixed up self. You can't make someone want to be with you.

[ShellyZ]

Other "sexual acts" is having sex.

If she says they didn't have sex, then they didn't have sex. I think she would know, she was there.

I just want to know what can I do to allow us to be on speaking terms again?

For now, there's nothing you can do. Just carry on with your own life, and eventually he'll start talking to you again.

[Wakeup]

If she says they didn't have sex, then they didn't have sex. I think she would know, she was there.

Who are you, Bill Clinton?

We only fooled around like making out and other sexual acts.

What other sexual acts?

[ShellyZ]

Oh, we're defining sex now? For most people, "sex" means "sexual intercourse." If you want to debate semantics and insist that hand jobs and blowjobs can be classified as "having sex," go right ahead, have fun with that. But if it's just so you can say to this girl, "See, you did have sex," then it's pointless. I don't think anyone would say a virgin loses her virginity when she gives a blowjob. Whatever non-sex "sexual acts" this girl engaged in are irrelevant to her question.

[pepper]

Thank you. The only one you got oral sex out of it was me. He did not wait until I gave him a blowjob and then stop talking to me. I was just trying to give background information. All I wanted to know was I did not respect his wishes right away to stop talking to him. He felt like there was drama going on between us and he backed off because of his past. How can I show him I am not that self-centred and that I do respect him? I do not want to trick him...it's just he is really messed up now.

[Wakeup]

How can I show him I am not that self-centred and that I do respect him? I do not want to trick him...it's just he is really messed up now.

You leave him alone and you respect his wishes that's what you do. (for the third time now). And you learn from it. That's what.
... If you were the only one that was getting oral SEX then maybe he left because he found you to be selfish. How the hell would we really know so you have to go by his words to you and respect what he's asked of you.

... btw They don't call it oral SEX for nothing. So Shellz a blow job is an act of sex. Just because you don't think it isn't is irrelavent.

don't think anyone would say a virgin loses her virginity when she gives a blowjob.

No but in your sanctimoniousness you fail to realize that she does lose her innocence.

Whatever non-sex "sexual acts" this girl engaged in are irrelevant to her question.

No it is not irrelevant and if you'd thought it out you'd realize that. Had she just been his platonic friend and didn't allow him to perform oral SEX on her before she knew how he really felt about her then she wouldn't be confusing him with HER feelings which he wants no part of (at this point in his life) and it's quite likely that he'd still be her PLATONIC friend. Seems that she'd settle for being that at this point. (even though it's obvious she wants more.)