Lets see what it is like without sex seems same as break up

[clynn]

Looks like we're on our way out.

I'm so sad and hope I'm wrong!

It had seemed apparent that there was distance that he was putting between us. So by the time we saw each other yesterday it was obvious one or the other of us would mention it and it did indeed just come up, it was the elephant in the room.

Basically it started because, at the end of the night, he wanted to not sleep overnight together, which is farily standard for how we conclude our dates, and often enjoy a morning together following. sniff, sniff.

He said that he wants to keep things just as they are pretty much but to try cutting out the physical stuff and see what happens.

Indeed he confirmed that he had been keeping himself busy with all sorts of new activities. He said that he was making a choice in a way to distance himself to see how it felt and he said that he felt that okay with the space, and this was a bit of a test for himself to see how vested in the relationship he was as he is uncertain if he could see it developing into something more serious. He said he was getting a lot of questions and pressure from his family to move the relationship along .... and this made him think he better know what he wants.

SO, definitely not how I wanted this to be. I'm very sad of course. I didn't cry with him at all. Somehow as I get older, I don't take these things as hard - or at least I'm not as outwardly emotional.

He very much wants to still spend time together and going out and talking, etc. For now he just wants the physical to stop. I told him I couldn't really comment on how I would feel until a bit of time had past as right now I just feel sad. I offered to run inside and grab stuff that belonged to him. He said, "no, no, we're definitely going to be seeing each other."

As foolish as I know this sounds, I still have hope that things may change. But at least I know I"m foolish and that hope just comes from a place that, until very recently, believed we were developing closer and closer all the time.

[vashti]

I don't get it. You guys were having a sexual relationship, and he has decided he doesn't want to have sex anymore? Is he a religious guy or something?

[clynn]

We were more like boyfriend / girlfriend and that relationship included sex.

No, he isn't religious at all.

It is because he is backing away from me I believe. As I said, he has been distancing himself as of late adn I think this is another step probably towards ending things with me.

I'm not entirely certain because it does seem strange. Why not justplain old "break up" but I imagine he is trying to be gentle and gradual.

That is the best I can make of it.

Because I can't imagine any other reason for him to want to take the sex out of the relationship. Keep in mind that with regards to the rest of the relationship - we haven't seen as much of each other lately (I was thinking it was a combined state of him giving me space to study for my big exam and that he was quite sick for several days also....but my fear was that he was distancing also). And we still talk frequently

[vashti]

I didn't mean to imply that your relationship was strictly sexual; I guess I could've phrased that better.

Damn, I am stumped if he isn't religious. You might be right about him distancing himself, I am sorry to say. I just don't get why he didn't make a clean break. Maybe I am wrong, and he really does just need to slow down and think things through.

I wish I could help you, but I just don't get it.

[Only-virgins]

You are probably just ugly and he is sick of it already.

[vashti]

Aww come on OV. You don't have to start trouble with everyone, you know.

[Pears]

He said that he wants to keep things just as they are pretty much but to try cutting out the physical stuff and see what happens.

Indeed he confirmed that he had been keeping himself busy with all sorts of new activities. He said that he was making a choice in a way to distance himself to see how it felt and he said that he felt that okay with the space, and this was a bit of a test for himself to see how vested in the relationship he was as he is uncertain if he could see it developing into something more serious. He said he was getting a lot of questions and pressure from his family to move the relationship along .... and this made him think he better know what he wants.

That is very strange. It does sound like he is moving out of the relationship. He doesn't want to sleep with you, but wants to still hangout and talk. Maybe he does not want a girlfriend/boyfriend relationship but wants to be your friend. From what you said, I'm guessing that you want to be with him so a friend would not cut it. Talk to him and find out what he really wants. If you feel you need all or nothing, then it is important that he knows also.

[*august*]

I'm not sure how long you've been together or how old you two are but like you said it seems like he is feeling alot of pressue to take this relationship to the next level....it seems like he's confused b/c the answer isn't coming to him immediately.....I think you mean alot to him and he wants to be careful either way and not hurt you or ruin the chances of staying in touch with you....I think its considerate that he's not having sex with you right now while he tries to sort all this out, but at the same time I think you need to be aware of what this all might mean and give him some space and give yourself that space too....

[whaywardj]

I've done that before. More than once. I wanted to know who the PERSON really was to me. And who I really was to her. But that was before I could read between the lines very well, so I didn't know any better. Years later, of course, I realized it wasn't necessary to put everyone through all that stress just to get that information.

[clynn]

Thanks everyone for your comments. No, shh I never did think that you were implying it was strictly sexual....you just made it clear that I need to clarify our situation.

august...yes, it is interesting cuz I don't think too much of that pressure has come from me, at all. I am quite relaxed, but he does get pressure from his family. And I'm sure that while their intentions are good it can serve to stress him out somewhat.

And thank you for that male opinion of someone's who has tried out this ****-eyed scheme! Ah, well.....if it is important to him (I just think - what a girl! ) - then I'll play along.

Really, I guess he is being as honest as he can be about where he is at. And I can appreciate pressure - my mom used to be a lot like that but I've realized it stresses me out and as a result she has laid off somewhat and I allow it to influence me less. Everyone else, my siblings, dad and close friends, all know that I'll do what I'll do as I do it in my time! We all do things differently.

[Rosebud]

Aww Clynn. I'm sorry to hear your having a rough time right now. This one is definetly not like any others.

And I do agree that is weird for him to want more space but only taking away the sexual activity. Maybe he is trying to get to you on a differnet level a more deeper level. How long have you guys been together? I mean I would think that would be the only reason anyone would take away the sex from a relationship, you know? to not focus on the physical and focus more on the mental and make sure your compatible..

[clynn]

We've been together for close to a year.

I wonder if it is worth mentioning that I've had some "issues" down there...not diseases...we're both clean....but some irregularity I'm being put through tests to figure out. The next test I'm particularly freaked out about.

[Rosebud]

Well, he may be worried about you in that sense or could be thinking that with all the issues...you may get pregnant by accident and he wants to avoid that but still wants to be with you.. He could just be telling the truth and wanting to slow down in that area because of those issues and him not being sure about it, and yet wants to make sure he really wants to go down that road with you...

other than that hun, I ahve no clue, I've never heard that before or been in any situation like that..I'm sorry I wish i could be more help.

And why are you freaked? I'm sure it will be ok!

[misombra]

hi clynn. to me it sounds like he just wants some space. were you guys not using birth control?

...i would ask if he's certain that he isn't rolling his red carpet out the door, you know? if not i would respect that and give him some time. any descent male would respect that decision from a woman, you know?

[Converse]

This sounds horrible. Why are his parents getting involved with his love life? What has it got to do with them, odd.