How to move on?

[mbdwaj]

Hello members,

I am in a mess of relationship and feelings in my life.

I love a girl who was girlfriend of my dear friend. They have broken up after 6 years of long relationship. She knows about my feeling. She is also my dearest friend. But she says "NO" for having relationship with me as she don't want a boyfriend now. Seems to me she do not want to get over him. I am stuck. I love her very much and she wants me to move on. I just don't know why? I was there when she was having hard time in her relationship. But she now refuses me to make a part of her life except friends. I have been friends for very long. Now, I really need the love and passion. But she looks like not interested at all.

How can I move on, when I know, I won't forget her. I am obsessiong about her since the day we started talking. She admires my love. She even admits that no one can give her more love than me. But she do not see me.

Is this friendship creating a trouble for my relationship?
How can I move on without hurting her? I know some day she will want me back in her life, but what if that day comes when everything is ended.

More Problem: As I mentioned she was GF of my best friend, the day I will have relationship with her, he will see me as my enemy. And I really don't want that.

I stuck in too things trying to pull myself to their ends and thats tearing me off.

Help me.

[Stratosphere]

Perfect timing, because I am in the same situation with a girl I lust for that I have known for a couple of years now and I am also having trouble getting over her.

But lets talk about you. You wrote: "How can I move on without hurting HER"? Lets stop worrying about HER feelings and start worrying about YOUR feelings. This is not what YOU want (a friendship). It is also not what she wants. You have told her what you want, it is now time to stop talking to her. You can begin slowly by not talking every single day. Start with only calling once a week, then slowly move to only calling once every two weeks, etc... etc... Soon you will treat her as a friend, and friends sometimes don't call for many weeks or months, etc...She will most likely miss you and call you (and that will make you feel good for a moment).
She will wonder "what your problem is". Then tell her "I told you my feelings and it hurts me to spend too much time with you and you know I want more." She will always say nothing or she will say (if she is mean) "I don't like you at all that way."
You gotta be tough here.

[tooxshort]

It shouldn't be too hard to move on from something you never had. Just cut ties with her and walk away. Throw anything that reminds you of her away ... or just stow it in a place you won't be inclined to look. And really, she's made it clear that she does not see you as a romantic partner, so you should just take her word for it and leave. Really, how many women play THAT hard to get? Plus, she dated a "friend" of yours ...

For the record, since you've been waiting for her to have a relationship with, you were never really friends. In fact, you weren't even a true friend to your "best friend." You'll be lucky enough to come away with either of them in your life.

[mbdwaj]

Thanks for your replies.

Dear sir, How can you say that I was not a true friend. I tried my level best to make sure that both of my friends stick together as couple, but in the end it was their decision.

I am not complaining, but just want to get your opinion. Thanks.

Secondly, I know I never had her. But, whenever I try to loose her, she came back strongly. I know she like me very much but I can not understand what is stopping her.

[Stratosphere]

Thanks for your replies.

Dear sir, How can you say that I was not a true friend. I tried my level best to make sure that both of my friends stick together as couple, but in the end it was their decision.

You are either a friend to a girl or a lover. You (mbdwaj) do NOT want to be her friend, you want to be her lover, and that's not what she wants. So what are you now? You are not her lover, so are you a friend and you are waiting for what?....for her to change her mind? Chances are low that she will change her mind. Do you follow me?
So being a friend to a girl you are in love with means: "I am waiting for her change her mind about me so I can have her now." Your other friend still has feelings for her and he will not be happy if you start seeing her.

You have to let her go. Be strong!

[mbdwaj]

You are either a friend to a girl or a lover. You (mbdwaj) do NOT want to be her friend, you want to be her lover, and that's not what she wants. So what are you now? You are not her lover, so are you a friend and you are waiting for what?....for her to change her mind? Chances are low that she will change her mind. Do you follow me?
So being a friend to a girl you are in love with means: "I am waiting for her change her mind about me so I can have her now." Your other friend still has feelings for her and he will not be happy if you start seeing her.

You have to let her go. Be strong!

You are right. I don't want to be her security blanket anymore by staying as friend.
I want to love her. Spend my life with her.

Damn it. What the hell is wrong with me?

[mbdwaj]

Is it my failure, that I could not change her feeling for me?

I mean.. It hurts my confidence more.

[Stratosphere]

In my life of dating over many years. I know one thing: When a girl says "NO" once, it means "NO" forever...

I have been shot down many many times by doing just what you are doing: Staying friends, hoping she will one day change.

Nothing is "wrong" with you, you just love this girl, that is a natural reaction. But you must stop contact with her soon. But if you break contact today, she will wonder what is going on, but if you slowly back away over a few months, it will hurt less for you and she will only think "I don't know what happened to him."

It is not your failure that you cannot change her. You just got into the "Friend zone" and its impossible to get out of that "zone."

[mbdwaj]

Hello to all,

In continuation of my last post, as suggested by you members, I am trying my level best to move on. This is what I do.

• I text her Good Morning and Good Night messages only.
• Some day in between if she asks "Whats happening?", I always say "Nothing much."
• I don't text her in day time anymore.

Now, even doing this rude behavior is not helping me at all. I mean, its just getting heavy on me as the days are passing by. But, I don't think, it is affecting her at all. I know that she sensed that I am trying to avoid her, and she is playing along with it.

I am really suffering now. I don't understand what more can I do to move on?

[Stratosphere]

I am sorry you are going through this.
You have got to stop texting her every single day in the morning and night starting NOW. That is too much! I know what you are feeling. You are now becoming "That guy who is always calling" (in her mind).
This is good you are making progess, but text or call once per WEEK, MAXIMUM, then finally stop altogether!
Meet more people, get out of the house, you must break this pattern before you get too old (like me) and are still stuck in the same pattern of what we call, "ONE-ITUS" which means you are stuck obsessing about one girl.
You must stop this madness, you will drive yourself crazy, trust me, I have don the same thing. The cure was/is to meet more women.
Make a goal for yourself: By the end of January text her once a week, by the end of February, stop all texting and only respond if she text's you first...
Be strong!

[davidtorres]

Go to a strip club and go clubbing on the weekend. Its hard to fix a heart but you need to get out and see other girls!

[mbdwaj]

I am sorry you are going through this.
You have got to stop texting her every single day in the morning and night starting NOW. That is too much! I know what you are feeling. You are now becoming "That guy who is always calling" (in her mind).
This is good you are making progess, but text or call once per WEEK, MAXIMUM, then finally stop altogether!
Meet more people, get out of the house, you must break this pattern before you get too old (like me) and are still stuck in the same pattern of what we call, "ONE-ITUS" which means you are stuck obsessing about one girl.
You must stop this madness, you will drive yourself crazy, trust me, I have don the same thing. The cure was/is to meet more women.
Make a goal for yourself: By the end of January text her once a week, by the end of February, stop all texting and only respond if she text's you first...
Be strong!

Thanks strats... I think i should follow it like a diet routine not to call/msg her anymore.

[MDBreye]

Delete her number, anyone else's number who has her number so you're not tempted to contact her ever again. The simple way to get "move on" is to stop talking to her. It's like trying to drain a rechargeable battery. how the hell are you going to drain it if you keep recharging the damn thing? And no offense to Strat, but taking advice from someone who is going through the same thing rather than emerging with success stories is unwise.

So stop trying to wean yourself off of her and just stop talking to her. Completely. Your thread is titled "How to move on" Not "How to stay friends with her without killing myself of heartache and disappointment"

So stop talking to her.

Now.