Just ended a painful relationship

[Aleque]

We have known each other for 4 years and have been together for a little over ½ year, and this ended up to be a very painful relationship with many discrepancies. I was the one, who took the action to finally end it, after many failed tries before that, because I wasn't making my point clearly or was probably affraid of the consequences of losing her.

I am relieved now. But I also feel pity for her, as she had bigger plans for us and I am sure that she still loves me. How should I deal with that particular feeling: pity? What is the formula of getting this broke-up-drama behind me, stop feeling sorry for her, and and to start to think about my self and my well being?

Thanks for all of the advices.

[Gigabitch]

Just understand that you've set her free to find the right guy for her. That wasn't you. She may not understand this yet, but someday she will.

[Aleque]

Yes. That is a good way to look at it, but we have had so much fun, besides all the fights. I feel that I still love her, but I know that if I return, the things will be like before, and I will hate my self for it. But then again - I have only had few relationships in my life and this one was the most serious and intense. Good memories of the relationships keep flashing before my eyes, and it is like they overlap the bad ones. This is hard.

[Ameera]

You say that you tried to end this relationship many times, right? So you know it was the right decision to end it.

If you want to stop feeling sorry for her, the first thing you need to do is to cut all contact with her. No calls, no text messages, emails etc. That way you will begin to distance yourself from her, and it will be a lot easier to move on.

I understand that right now you think the relationship was serious and intense, but the truth is that sixth months is not a long time in a relationship. Most people have had some short-term relationships like this one before they meet the one they want to marry and settle down with. Believe me, when you meet the right girl this relationship will seem short and insignificant in comparison.

[Aleque]

I am really glad for all this advice. I feel a bit better today compared with yesterday and the day before that, where we broke up.

I just can't get out of my mind, her saying the very last words over the phone: "My biggest dream was to move in with you into a house in the country and live together" and "My heart hurts", after me saying to her: "I have no feelings for you". But the truth is that I still care alot about her and feel pity about her, but I am still determined to avoid all the contact. Already now I am beginning to feel some sort of a relief.

Yesterday she have emailed me all the pictures of us. I saw them through and after that, I deleted them all, because it hurts to me to look at them, and know that it will never be the same. So later in the evening I listened to some music that reminded me of her, and it made me cry. I then decided to get rid of everything that reminded me of her: pictures, videos, stuff she drew/wrote, presents she gave me (cups, clothes), and even the souvenirs from our trip to Gambia (we went there in the xmas vacation and it was a wonderful experience, even though we had our fight there). The problem is that I have to find a method to let go of all those memories.

I spoke to a good friend today, and he told me that I made the right decisiom, if this relationship really was so destructive.

Another thing that eats me up is that her grandmother passed away few days ago, and the funeral is on the saturday. I told her that I would attend to the funeral (when we still were together), but if I do that now, I would reestablish the contact and it would hurt even more.

More advices needed

[Gigabitch]

Don't go to the funeral. Email or text her and tell her you're not going, in case she's counting on it, and don't let her turn that into another conversation. Just state the facts.

[Aleque]

Then I assume, that I should not say anything at all to her. I didn't promise anything to her. I said that I would go, while we still were in the relationship, but now that we are not together anymore, I guess she would understand.