Should I tell my recent ex how I really feel?!

[jamesg1701]

Ok, so my girlfriend broke up with me leaving me completely devastated. She broke up with me over the phone as she is in Europe studying until June. Last time I saw her was 2 weeks ago when I went to visit her for a long weekend. That apparently didn't go too well.

She told me over the phone that it was during my trip to see her that she fell out of love with me.

Anyway back to the phone call...she said its over but she genuinely still wants to be friends, and that once she comes back to the UK she would like to go for a pint as "mates". I was really hurt but the thought of not seeing her again made me sick to my stomach so I agreed.

Anyway, the next day I am on MSN messanger and she comes online and starts chatting to me in a very matey way. Just light talk with no mention of the night before's break up phone call. Trying to act like the break up hadn't hit me hard, I play along and keep it light.

The thing is, deep down I am still devastated, all I think about is her and I want to tell her how much she hurt me, how much she means to me and how I can make her happy again.

But I'm not sure how to play it. Should I keep it light until she comes back or tell her how I really feel?
I have had a few online conversations since, again very light. I have also noticed she has been on MSN a lot more recently, going online when I am (she never use to).
Maybe she thinks she's made a mistake.

[Spring Haze]

Are you sure you even know how you feel? Because to me it sounds as though you haven't had any 'cooling off' time; time for collecting your thoughts. Consider not talking to her for a bit. These conversations are obviously painful for you, afterall. Take some time to reflect and to let your emotions run their course so to speak.

[alovehangoverr]

It sounds to me like you need to take some time away from her to get over things and move on-- and that's ALL you should be telling her.

Let me tell you first had as a girl who broke up with someone she fell out of love with yet still wanted to remain friends-- the last thing I wanted to be is bombarded with how much he still cared for me, how he can make me happy again, etc. When he did start sending me these messages [text, online, etc] it was a huge turn off and just made me realize we couldn't be friends and to push him away completely.

She broke up with you for a reason. If she thinks she made a mistake, I'm sure she'd let you know considering she's having no problem talking to you as a friend.

As for her being online-- yeah, that could mean anything. Maybe she's catching up with people back home. Don't read into it. My ex thought my AIM profile that I changed regularly with lyrics and sayings I liked was about him and was a, and I quote, "clear sign I obviously wanted to get back together." It had nothing to do with him-- but the fact that he didn't want it to be over, led him to believe whatever would make him feel better.

Seriously, for yourself, back off and let the wounds heal.

[clever_name]

DO NOT DO IT. Just let it go, don't talk to her anymore just cut off contact, eventually you'll get over her, if she thinks she's made a mistake she'll come back to you and if you feel you two could have a relationship again then go for it, but for not just let her go and move on. Don't be friends with her for the time being you will feel terrible everytime you see her/talk to her because she will look like she's doing great without you while you are devastated and feel like your world is being turned upside down.

Also, you might think telling her how you feel will make her reconsider or she'll realize she feels the exact same, it won't. Most likely it will blow up in your face and you'll feel even worse as she becomes more sure that she made the right decision. Also, you will look like a little b***h, and she'll probably make fun of you behind your back with her friends.

Give it time, if you two are meant to be together, she'll realize her mistake and will want you back, unless you've found someone that is better for you.

[Pectabyte]

Yeah this is a very typical response from a woman who crushes a man. She feels guilty and doesn't really know why she "fell out of love" with you, usually though it means there is another guy, and will try to hold onto you enough so that if she can't find better she can always default to you.

As much as it hurts and as much has you lay awake at night crushed over her the best thing you can do to he is NOT let her treat you this way. STOP ALL CONTACT WITH HER. Be mean if you have to. Just because she left you doesn't give her the right to disrespect you by playing the whole "your just my friend now". If you actually do still love her ironically this would be the only way to get her back. Like a moth to a flame. Start dating other women too. Even if you don't want to. Do it for you because she will either come back or you will move on.

[jamesg1701]

Thanks for the replies. It has certainly given me food for thought.
But here's an update and I don't know what to make of it;

She just gave me a drunk call saying something along the lines of " I'm drunk but I feel really bad, I just want to say that even though I am drunk I still feel that the break up was the right thing but I feel guilty"

Once again I play it nonchalantly, saying that we should just see what happens when she comes back. She probably won't even remember the conversation.

Why does she keep on getting in contact with me? Does she really want reassurance or does she still have feelings?
This is all really making me confused!

[alovehangoverr]

Does she really want reassurance or does she still have feelings?
This is all really making me confused!

I'm not sure what you're confused about.. she called you saying that she feels the breakup was the right thing to do, but she still feels guilty. I doubt that guilt is in the ballpark of "I still have feelings," but more or less she feels bad for breaking up with you because it sucks to be the person doing the dumping.

Man, I really think you're reading into it to see what you want to see instead of listening to exactly what she's saying. Don't do this to yourself.

[clever_name]

Don't pick up the phone or return her texts man, you are just going to get more and more confused about things and feel worse and worse.

[Cbrider]

She told me over the phone that it was during my trip to see her that she fell out of love with me.

Complete and udder bullsh*t in every sense of the word. Stop talking to her, don't answer the phone and ignore the texts. You might make amends later but let it die for now, stay away from her as much as possible.

Sounds to me like theres someone else from the way she is acting and her classic "it was in the course of a day I decided I didn't love you anymore." line.

[furby]

If i will be in your situation, i will never misinterpret the things that she is doing or the situation. She is taking you for granted, maybe at that time she is lonely and don't have someone to talk to so she thinks about you.. as you have said she broke up with you over the phone, and for me that is so very devastating, she could just broke up with you without even thinking, and just over the phone.. she had done it before so she could easily do it anytime again..

My advice is that you should open up the topic why she had broke up with you, the main reason why. and tell her if she is not really interested to have a relationship with you anymore, try to give you more space because it will be very hurtful to you if she is still communicating with you because the sorrow of your break up will always come back every time you had a communication because i think you still haven't move on to what had happened..

[Pectabyte]

Don't pick up the phone or return her texts man, you are just going to get more and more confused about things and feel worse and worse.

Yeah exactly. DON'T keep in contact with her no matter how much it hurts not to talk to her.

[First]

naw b, cut the goose loose homie, real talk b. but, before that make sure u get sum head, then cut ur ties with her mo.