How do you separate sex and love?

[Broodmare]

So...how do you separate sex and love?

I am a 20 year old female currently in college. Met my first and still current boyfriend there and I've been with him for about a year and four months. I had never done anything with a guy before I met him. Not even hand holding. Anywho...I'm a pretty adventurous person when it comes to the bedroom and he is as well. We've had talks about open relationships and threesomes before. Though I feel like I am not as good as meeting people as he is since I believe I have poor social skills and because he has a lot more experience than me (socially and sexually).

The problem I'm having is since I feel like I am a pretty adventurous person, I feel that part of me is up for stuff like threesomes with my boyfriend. The only issue I have is that I can't seem to separate love and sex. The boyfriend can due to past experiences but me, I can't imagine sharing him with another girl. I feel that it may just be the "virgin personality" type thing that's holding me back, but I don't know how to get over that. He told me that it's possible to get over...I'm just not sure how.

Any advice on how to go about getting over that?

[Junket]

3some with your boyfriend is a horrible idea.

[Wakeup]

I think you're mixing up jealousy with separating love from just sex. You will definately suffer some jealousy and so will he should you open up your relationship so that you have other partners where he's not involved. You'll likely feel left out too if he's not paying as much attention to you as he is to the third.

I suggest you go to a forum that is used to alternative lifestyles and the loveshack lifestyle and get some advice there. Most of us here are not into sharing. But, before you go I have to ask why you are thinking about doing this before you've read up on the pros and the cons and the likelyhood that because you are not of the proper mind-set that you will ruin your relationship with your bf by doing this.

[simonmagus]

You can't separate sex and love and you shouldn't. He is just telling you that you can so he can score with two girls at once. If he wants to have sex with another girl then you shouldn't be with him. Or you could see what he thinks about you, him and another male of your choosing all sucking and banging it out together, all holes open for business, see how he likes that. Probably not!

On the off chance he does want to do it with another guy and you at the same time... I dunno what to say except... RUN!!!!

[MaidenMinx]

I have always loved the idea of a threesome and hubby and I have discussed it on and off. The reality is a complete turn off though.

I could never enjoy watching hubby pleasure someone else and I watched too many Jerry Springer episodes where the guy has left his partner for the other woman in the threesome. As they say, 2's company. 3's a crowd.

If you just have to have a threesome, I suggest paying someone to be the 3rd party.

As for getting over your reservations, I don't recommend you try. You have reservations for a reason.

One last question, are you bi? If not I don't understand why you want a threesome.

[smackie9]

You love him so much it sounds like you are just considering it to please him. I would have reservations about him as a BF. People, tho it is common but not that common, who have open relationships look at sex differently. You are the norm, you want to be the one and only.....this relationship is now on a down turn because its not the relationship you expect and that it now not committed to one, wholly and completely. Sorry but you are not compatible. You will regret stepping in this area of sex, it will end up tormenting you and eventually destroy this relationship.

He's your first so what, that doesn't mean it's forever. Go find yourself a man that just wants you......BTW its not about his experience. Lots of people like myself that have lots of experience are not into having threesomes. Its all about sex to him, hes not thinking about forever together with you.

[Broodmare]

3some with your boyfriend is a horrible idea.

I wasn't asking for an opinion on that.

I think you're mixing up jealousy with separating love from just sex. You will definately suffer some jealousy and so will he should you open up your relationship so that you have other partners where he's not involved. You'll likely feel left out too if he's not paying as much attention to you as he is to the third.

I suggest you go to a forum that is used to alternative lifestyles and the loveshack lifestyle and get some advice there. Most of us here are not into sharing. But, before you go I have to ask why you are thinking about doing this before you've read up on the pros and the cons and the likelyhood that because you are not of the proper mind-set that you will ruin your relationship with your bf by doing this.

Thanks for the reply. I actually HAVE done very extensive research on the subject so I've gotten it all covered in that aspect. The idea is just still in the thought process in the back of our minds. I think I've done way too much research on it actually haha. We're stable enough that we can trust each other and I know he's not trying to one up me by banging somebody else. We see it more for the experience of it.

You can't separate sex and love and you shouldn't. He is just telling you that you can so he can score with two girls at once. If he wants to have sex with another girl then you shouldn't be with him. Or you could see what he thinks about you, him and another male of your choosing all sucking and banging it out together, all holes open for business, see how he likes that. Probably not!

On the off chance he does want to do it with another guy and you at the same time... I dunno what to say except... RUN!!!!

As I said before, we're stable enough in our relationship and trust each other. So I know he's not doing it just to bang another woman. And I've already talked to him about having another man in the picture, so I've got that covered as well. I see nothing wrong with it...everyone's different.

I have always loved the idea of a threesome and hubby and I have discussed it on and off. The reality is a complete turn off though.

I could never enjoy watching hubby pleasure someone else and I watched too many Jerry Springer episodes where the guy has left his partner for the other woman in the threesome. As they say, 2's company. 3's a crowd.

If you just have to have a threesome, I suggest paying someone to be the 3rd party.

As for getting over your reservations, I don't recommend you try. You have reservations for a reason.

One last question, are you bi? If not I don't understand why you want a threesome.

And thanks for the reply. Yours is the only one so far that has helped me. I guess I feel that way about it too...thinking about it sounds fun yet in reality might be horrible. We already know a female that would be willing to participate (won't talk more about that since that may cause a stir) so no need to pay anyone. I'm actually not bi so I probably wouldn't do much with another girl other than some experimenting. I made this thread just to get advice on the subject...wasn't really looking to get bashed about it. So thank you for the help.

[simonmagus]

I give up.

[Broodmare]

You love him so much it sounds like you are just considering it to please him. I would have reservations about him as a BF. People, tho it is common but not that common, who have open relationships look at sex differently. You are the norm, you want to be the one and only.....this relationship is now on a down turn because its not the relationship you expect and that it now not committed to one, wholly and completely. Sorry but you are not compatible. You will regret stepping in this area of sex, it will end up tormenting you and eventually destroy this relationship.

He's your first so what, that doesn't mean it's forever. Go find yourself a man that just wants you......BTW its not about his experience. Lots of people like myself that have lots of experience are not into having threesomes. Its all about sex to him, hes not thinking about forever together with you.

Thank you for your response. I've posted on a lot of advice forums before so I know where you're coming from on your post. Some things seem so obvious to the replier...but there's always more to the story. So I know how you feel when I say some of these things. I don't beleive our relationship is on the down turn. These things aren't a need or requirement that he wants. We've just been talking about the idea. He's perfectly fine with being with me even if I refuse to do this. I know this because we've talked about it a lot. He's committed to me, we've just been tossing around the idea to try something different. And when I say experience, I don't mean it like gaining sexual experience. I mean it more as "to see what its like". Kind of like how skydiving can be an experience.

[Junket]

I wasn't asking for an opinion on that.

Yeah you are you beautiful lady

[simonmagus]

And when I say experience, I don't mean it like gaining sexual experience. I mean it more as "to see what its like". Kind of like how skydiving can be an experience.

Once I wanted to experience woodworking. I tried making a birdhouse and cut my thumb off on a table saw. It was one hell of an experience. I try to warn others about the perils of "woodworking."

[Wakeup]

I'm actually not bi so I probably wouldn't do much with another girl other than some experimenting.

Think hard about how you are going to be feeling when your boyfriend makes her the center of attention while you do "some experimenting."

Good luck, I hope your relationship survives if you go through with this. You are already asking how to get over jealous feelings (which you mistakenly refer to separating sex from love) Separating sex from love is being able to do another person without falling in love with them. I would imagine if you are'nt bi or a lesbian that falling in love with your female third wouldn't happen. It seems more men find it easier to do sex/love separation then a whole lot of woman can.

To add:

The only issue I have is that I can't seem to separate love and sex. The boyfriend can due to past experiences but me, I can't imagine sharing him with another girl. I feel that it may just be the "virgin personality" type thing that's holding me back, but I don't know how to get over that. He told me that it's possible to get over...

Why wouldn't you discuss and get your bf to explain to you how to separate sex from love since he seems to have no trouble with it? You would think that he would be leery of you indulging in an open relationship when he knows you're not able to do the separating necessary which could possibly cause you to want to leave him.

Just some things to think about.

[Broodmare]

Think hard about how you are going to be feeling when your boyfriend makes her the center of attention while you do "some experimenting."

Good luck, I hope your relationship survives if you go through with this. You are already asking how to get over jealous feelings (which you mistakenly refer to separating sex from love) Separating sex from love is being able to do another person without falling in love with them. I would imagine if you are'nt bi or a lesbian that falling in love with your female third wouldn't happen. It seems more men find it easier to do sex/love separation then a whole lot of woman can.

To add:
Why wouldn't you discuss and get your bf to explain to you how to separate sex from love since he seems to have no trouble with it? You would think that he would be leery of you indulging in an open relationship when he knows you're not able to do the separating necessary which could possibly cause you to want to leave him.

Just some things to think about.

Thanks once again. You pretty much hit the nail on the head with part of that. The more I think about it, I'm more into personality on guys. I don't think I could randomly walk up to some guy and ask him to hop into bed with me. The boyfriend actually did mention that. He can have just sex...but if I had sex with someone he'd worry about me actually liking them. Like I said, none of this is for sure going to happen. All of this has just come up a lot in casual conversation and I'm just getting other peoples views on it.

[Junket]

Thanks once again. You pretty much hit the nail on the head with part of that. The more I think about it, I'm more into personality on guys. I don't think I could randomly walk up to some guy and ask him to hop into bed with me. The boyfriend actually did mention that. He can have just sex...but if I had sex with someone he'd worry about me actually liking them. Like I said, none of this is for sure going to happen. All of this has just come up a lot in casual conversation and I'm just getting other peoples views on it.

Here's my view.

A 3some with your boyfriend is a horrible idea.

[Dank]

Three words into one....... WTF