Liking Older Men

[herself]

I already posted my presentation in the other board, but for the insides... i'm a 21 year old female-spanish speaker who lives in an island in the Caribbean, don't know if that matters but in case of cultural differences i make that clear.

Here's my mind troubling story... i never before have been interested in older men, i wouldn't even look that way, when i turned 18 years old and went to university i still saw older figures like just that, not like a man i would be interested in.

Now i'm 21 years old and i dont know if that made me feel already like a woman or what, no really... we can go a few months back when i started to see older men as.... men like they are. I even started a crush with a professor, i couldn't see this as something possible even when he hinted me back with interest. I did nothing about it, i was too scared... well i did make a bold move by giving him my email and phone number. But anyways... Christmas came, the course was over, i stopped seeing him. But still this christmas even when going out with a friend who's 25 years old (older than me, but not old enough to where i'm looking), he would try to make a move on me and instead i was exchanging looks and smiles with a bartender who looked at least 40 years old.

Also, even some guy on his maybe 35, who knows my father i must add started flirting on me, and i'm just asking myself "wtf?" i tend to look at people in the eyes, and i'm just realizing maybe i'm just looking at them with eyes of passion or something. And really, i dont know what to do... maybe "this too shall pass" or maybe i'll just end up with older men?

About reasons i know it's common for this to happen when one didn't have a paternal figure in childhood, but i'm not sure about this. I just think those older men im looking at really have a sexy on them, and also another really REALLY important reason... they are at least more mature. Right now i cant even think of being with someone younger and even when having a conversation with that 25 year old friend... i felt he was more amused about my thoughts than i was of his.

May i add i currently have a boyfriend almost 2 years older than me? not like i'm a married woman.... still.

[nuevo]

-No te gusta tu novio de 23??

Yo no le veo nada malo a que te gusten personas much older than you....

Si te gusta alguien, que nada te detenga, menos la edad.!! Son sentimientos, si te atraen personas mas viejas, que tiene de malo??? quien dice que eso esta mal??

[vashti]

^ No comprende.

It is very common to get a crush on a professor...this doesn't mean you should date one. There is a power imbalance that will make itself apparent after not too long a period of time, and really, you won't have anything in common with any *normal* 40 year old man.

The older men may look good to you now, but they won't when you are 40 and they are 60.

[herself]

-No te gusta tu novio de 23??

Yo no le veo nada malo a que te gusten personas much older than you....

Si te gusta alguien, que nada te detenga, menos la edad.!! Son sentimientos, si te atraen personas mas viejas, que tiene de malo??? quien dice que eso esta mal??

Si me gusta mi novio, por lo menos es mucho mas... como me explico, me gusta la forma en que piensa, en realidad usa la cabeza y eso me gusta. Pero a la misma vez no me siento como si estuviece casada, lo cual no lo estoy y no me puedo evitar mirar otros hombres.///// maybe this is important so i'll translate that last part where i said "i like my boyfriend but i dont feel like i'm married and since i'm not, i cant help to look at other men"

Pues es cierto lo que dices, ha de haber sido en los ambientes que creci, porque de todos modos como dije nunca vi esto como algo posible y de hecho cuando surgieron esos sentimientos me senti... de pensamientos impuros y todo! Cualquiera pensaria que sigo la religion cuando en realidad no.

*sigh* i need to do something about it.

[herself]

^ No comprende.

It is very common to get a crush on a professor...this doesn't mean you should date one. There is a power imbalance that will make itself apparent after not too long a period of time, and really, you won't have anything in common with any *normal* 40 year old man.

The older men may look good to you now, but they won't when you are 40 and they are 60.

Well... i'm not taking class with him next semester, so his technically not my professor anymore. Although he did give me an A in his class nice. Well since i'm new to this, i agree i *still dont know what's inside the head of a 40 year old man, but also i know that when i start to talk on politics, how i see life, activism... men my age usually give me a weird look and change the subject to something... something i see as trivial. You know? it gets frustrating eventually.

Also, i'm not thinking on a future with older men, well i do believe in destiny and if it happens... so be it?

[vashti]

The only 40 year old who will have more than a minimum amount of things in common with you will be very immature for his age. You will outgrow him in a couple of years.

[CAM]

Well, I'm a professor in my late 30's...so I'll tell you what goes on inside his head. It might be just sex going through his mind, but I don't think so.

What is likely going through his mind is that you remind him of his youth. When he was in college, he might have dated someone like you; someone who he didn't pursue to the point of commitment because he was doing his academic thing and also having some fun. He probably developed a serious crush on the girl he knew back then. Now, he's all of a sudden 40 years old and life went by or so it seems. He asks himself: "Can I recapture the moment or am I too old?" He figures that he is still young enough that he might have a chance.

You seemed surprised that he "gave" you an "A" which tells me that you didn't think that you earned the A...which means that he is laying (no pun intended) the groundwork for something. He gave you an "A" and you gave him your email address.

You are both playing with fire, but what the heck...you don't lose. The worst thing that happens to you is that you get your heart broken. The worst thing that happens to him is that he ****s up his career. Apparently, he is willing to take the risk.

I can only tell you this: when he isn't your professor then he becomes just another 40 year old guy. Don't look for inspiration. Don't look for strength (because the strength you did see was him in front of the class). Don't be disappointed because he's not the same guy that you fantasized about from the front row while, probably tempting him with a low cut blouse or nice legs...and he didn't look, but you knew that he wanted to...and that made it all the more fun, didn't it??

Have a good time. Just don't **** up his career. Be nice, okay?

[boobaa]

Well... i'm not taking class with him next semester, so his technically not my professor anymore. Although he did give me an A in his class nice. Well since i'm new to this, i agree i *still dont know what's inside the head of a 40 year old man, but also i know that when i start to talk on politics, how i see life, activism... men my age usually give me a weird look and change the subject to something... something i see as trivial. You know? it gets frustrating eventually.

Also, i'm not thinking on a future with older men, well i do believe in destiny and if it happens... so be it?

Hmpf. You know how hard it is to find a woman in your age who can share thoughts on politics? You are my dream come true. I am 19 years old and know girls older than you, but they don't give a shit about it.
But to be honest, I lost my interest in politics few years back... And I've seen lots of girls who act like they know and are all hyped, but they actually can't back up anything. So now I take life a bit more easy. Most of the girls until 25 are driven by momentary emotions...

And Girls are so easily influenced that they fall for anybody who is smarter or wiser than they...

[vashti]

You know, I was thinking about the "scarcity" of smart young guys for this girl to be interested in, and it occurs to me that she probably thinks this will improve if she dates older people, but it doesn't. Most people in the world don't care about the things they should care about and their age is irrelevant. That is why not everyone is a suitable partner.

Be patient, little girl. The right guy is out there, but you are getting too lazy and impatient to wait/look for him. Ultimately, you will be sorry.

BTW - I know a number of young guys who are interested in intellectual things. Obviously, you can find some of them in the university clubs....political, debate team, math clubs, science clubs..... You are looking in the wrong places.

[herself]

One can get really disappointed when you're studying one the things that requires more study time in university (sciences, but i like plain learning so i take all kind of courses) and that you expect this people to actually... think stuff other than expensive clothes and whatever, but still this people from sciences rather choose to cheat on tests that actually learn, then you just lose all hope when you see these kind of things happen and you just wonder "are these people going to be the future doctors in this island?".

It probably goes to a deeper level, everything inside my head is a mess right now. And people keep telling me that either i'm crazy or i'm just putting too much weight on myself. Vashti i see your point that maybe i just need to be patient, that i'm starting to lose hope to soon, that maybe i should wait, perhaps destiny has something good well hidden for me. (:

[herself]

Well, I'm a professor in my late 30's...so I'll tell you what goes on inside his head. It might be just sex going through his mind, but I don't think so.

What is likely going through his mind is that you remind him of his youth. When he was in college, he might have dated someone like you; someone who he didn't pursue to the point of commitment because he was doing his academic thing and also having some fun. He probably developed a serious crush on the girl he knew back then. Now, he's all of a sudden 40 years old and life went by or so it seems. He asks himself: "Can I recapture the moment or am I too old?" He figures that he is still young enough that he might have a chance.

You seemed surprised that he "gave" you an "A" which tells me that you didn't think that you earned the A...which means that he is laying (no pun intended) the groundwork for something. He gave you an "A" and you gave him your email address.

You are both playing with fire, but what the heck...you don't lose. The worst thing that happens to you is that you get your heart broken. The worst thing that happens to him is that he ****s up his career. Apparently, he is willing to take the risk.

I can only tell you this: when he isn't your professor then he becomes just another 40 year old guy. Don't look for inspiration. Don't look for strength (because the strength you did see was him in front of the class). Don't be disappointed because he's not the same guy that you fantasized about from the front row while, probably tempting him with a low cut blouse or nice legs...and he didn't look, but you knew that he wanted to...and that made it all the more fun, didn't it??

Have a good time. Just don't **** up his career. Be nice, okay?

Well i wasn't expecting an A (was actually expecting a B) since although i did good on all tests, i did skip class without a reason a few times and he takes this into account when giving a grade.

AH! i did find this reply useful, specially the last paragraph since i did not see it that way, but makes perfect sense. And it did made it all more fun

Thank You!

[DoesntMatter]

Hi herself, I am a single 18 year old college student and like math and chemistry (especially organic chemistry). Maybe you and me could try and synthesize this-

[misombra]

you're just having fantasies.

a man who is 40 and dates girls that are your age are not good men.

debes enfocarse en la mujer q tu vas a ser cuando tiene 40 anios.

[herself]

Hi herself, I am a single 18 year old college student and like math and chemistry (especially organic chemistry). Maybe you and me could try and synthesize this-

hahaha! good one, so... care for vacations in the Caribbean?

[discombobulated]

I was married to an older man for almost 8 years. Take it from someone who married a man 30 years older. It won't work out long term. There will be issues that arise concerning common denominators. And do you want kids eventually? If so you should consider that before getting involved with anyone more that 10 years older that yourself. My problem was that my husband refused to take care of himself and I did not want the be 36 years old and taking care of an invalid. that's just me though. I would think long and hard before dating another older man.