Deeply in love with my best female friend, need help asap :/

[Girlsgonewild]

Story is this; met this girl almost a year ago when we started in the same class. I pretty quickly grew feelings for her, after about 2-3 months. Obviously I was/am attracted to her, but felt more that I wanted her by my side when I was in bed at night. About 5 months in I kind of started feeling some signals from her back towards me so I started flirting with her and being cute with her, she responded to this. Worth noticing was that she just got out of something with somebody she liked, and got hurt of in this period of time. We never kissed, I stroke her thies when she came home to me, and there was definetly something there. I continued giving her complimants, and touching her, a couple of days after she wrote to me on MSN and told me that we needed to talk. She said I couldnt touch her like that when her male friends was watching, and asked me if it was kind of difficualt to get into a relationship with me. I replied no and she declared that she wanted to become **** friends with me. Asked me "listen, I dont know if u just wanna **** me or if u have feelings for me...", I thought this was really weird since i clearly indicated that i liked her, i even told her, she said she liked me aswell. She told me that the thought of me ****ing her was really sexy for her, I said the same thing, and we talked about some fantasies.

She said that she saw me as a friend, and didnt want an open relationship. I took this as a shock, since I could tell in her eyes, and the hole atmosphere that she was feeling what I was. It was something special. I told her that when I looked in to her eyes I could feel what she was feeling, she just replied like wooow. Afterwards Ive been thinking that she maybe lied to me, that she felt what I felt. She said that she wanted to have sex with me and that we also should be intimate friends like we had been.

Anyways not soon after this when we met she had turned off these feelings that we had earlier, and hanged out with me like we were normal friends, like nothing had happend. This made me feel unsecure and depressed. A few days afterwards I told her, why dont you come to me, we can hang out. She said yes but dont get mad if I dont, cuz I gotta take my time, I thought that was bullshit and wondered why she canceled what she had said she wanted to do. We were out drinking the same day and she said to me when she was drunk that we were gonna ****, I said well lets go then and she said nooo, Im not that kinda of agirl, im just a simple girl, ill find a girlfriend to you.

She also said the thought scared her, me and her doing something. That she was afraid that she would stark liking me too much. So I got fed up with this and told her "what do you wanna do with this we talked about?" she replied "that lets start over again... lets just be friends, if something will happend its destiny. Our friendship is so special, I dont wanna loose you as a friend."

After this she tried to touch me after this, and asked me "are you still excited?" and I didnt really reply. She had just rejected me. Our relationship got wierd, she got cold and after a while she rejected me totally, for about a month. She then called me again and told me sheed been missing me, and thinking a lot of me, and that I was her friend and she wanted to be my friend again. We kind of met up again since were in the same class and school was just about to start. After this we were just friends, nothing special. No were hanging out regulary again, but my strong emotions are coming back, very hard. She keeps sending me these signals, but one day shes cold and the other shes flirty. Shes btw a drama queen, has a lot of male friends and likes the attention. She told me the other day "have you ever experienced that you rejected somebody, and said, lets just be friends, and after that started to like the person more and more?"

I didnt really understand what she meant but afterwards I thought about this and realized this was what exactly that happend between us. I texted her like 7 am thisother day and asked when we started class and she replied "how scary I was just thinking about you." Do friends say things like this? We were out the other day drinking, a girl was flirting with me and a dude was flirting with her. We barely looked or talked to eachother. Shes very interested inthe girls that flirts with me or vice versa, more than I am interested in them.


Anyhow... she doesnt really know what she wants, but I cant take this anymore. Im thinking about her 24/7, cant get her out of my head, this is making me sad. Its getting to the point were I dont think I can be friends with her anymore, but were in the same class. She also this summer told me that I was the first one that knew everything about her that this happend with, the attraction and feelings, that this scared her. Shed had bad experinces with guys before, im really different from these ppl, i can tell. Anyhow..... what should I do? Just declare how I feel? Dont wanna pressure her too much on the other hand. But I cant know what she is thinking. Or should I just try to kiss her? Im losing my mind help.

As I said earlier shes a little bit of a tease girl and flirts with her other male friends and this and that... sends out signals and she doesnt know it and this and that. But something between us is really special but im getting to the point where im getting depressed.

BTW: Im not scottish, klicked the wrong flag. Im Scandinavian.

[tehwarlock]

Mmm, flake like corn.

[IncognitoSir]

Man, don't let her play with your emotions like that. YOU KNOW SHE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT SHE WANTS........so why waste your time. Make your move, if she rejects you again just keep her at a distance........permanentlyor get rid of her for good! Don't be a doormat bro.

[Candoit]

Well first of all how old are you two?

Now, this is a weird scenario, because in a way I'm going with something similar since I really like this girl and she sort of rejected me (its a long story and I posted it on the forum but nobody really attempted to help ).

What I would do in a case like this is be completely truthful with her. Tell her exactly how you feel about her teasing you like this and then flirting with other men. It seems as if no matter what she will probably come back to you. The interesting fact of the matter is that she gets flirty, talks about sex, then says no; this means that she's pulling you in and trying to attract you more, which is working quite nicely. Thus, be completely truthful and tell her that you're getting tired of this but you like her (be generous, kind, and caring; say what you like about her physical and mental characteristics).

Or if not that, then just be happy as a close friend to her and find a girl who you like even more, because this might make her jealous.

[Girlsgonewild]

Incognito: I wanna make a move, like give her a kiss. Cant get rid of her though since shes in my class! How can i not be a doormat when shes my friend and i hang out with her as a friend if u know what i mean?

Well first of all how old are you two?

Now, this is a weird scenario, because in a way I'm going with something similar since I really like this girl and she sort of rejected me (its a long story and I posted it on the forum but nobody really attempted to help ).

What I would do in a case like this is be completely truthful with her. Tell her exactly how you feel about her teasing you like this and then flirting with other men. It seems as if no matter what she will probably come back to you. The interesting fact of the matter is that she gets flirty, talks about sex, then says no; this means that she's pulling you in and trying to attract you more, which is working quite nicely. Thus, be completely truthful and tell her that you're getting tired of this but you like her (be generous, kind, and caring; say what you like about her physical and mental characteristics).

Or if not that, then just be happy as a close friend to her and find a girl who you like even more, because this might make her jealous.

Im 23 shes 22. I dont know about spilling my feelings for her, since this maybe will scare her off. I see this hole thing more serious than her. But I need to find out if shes interested or not. Either she is or not, but at the same time she doesnt know what she wants. Hmmmm. Maybe Ill just tell her in a relaxed manner when were drunk that I wanna sleep with her. Question is why is she teasing like this? Is interested and than backs off when things starts heating up.

[Candoit]

Don't take my words as the it and end factors. However, I feel as if that she does not want to be in a relationship with you, rather she wants to be close friends. The question is not whether she is interested, it is how close friends does she want to be? If you think about it, she would not normally flirt with other guys if she was interested in you. Even if she WAS trying to make you jealous she would not do that. Furthermore, as you mentioned earlier, she is a tease and she has a lot of male friends. Now, I know she said that you were different than the other guys but I don't think that means that she wants to go into a relationship. I'm not saying its your fault at all, in fact you seem like a chill dude. But this girl seems to have some insecurities due to past boyfriends she may have had and stuff. The thing is, she just does not want to go through that same depressing feeling when another guy breaks her heart which is always inevitable; this concept is similar to how guys fear rejection or get scared when they think their girlfriend is hanging out with other men. Maybe give her time, back off and see how she feels for once?

Again I know that maybe my advice won't completely work but I have a plan that you could try out. It may or may not work but regardless you won't lose much. So, as you state she fancies the thought of you two in bed, however when you ask her to have sex she refuses. This is because she's scared that she will have to go through the same problems she went through with other guys after she slept with them (i.e. being dumped, the guy going with other girl, the guy breaking her heart). So how about instead of you asking, get her to ask.

For this you may have to keep a little bit of a distance from her in the beginning; pretty much if you just lay back a tad bit she will abruptly realize and if she has feelings for you (even as good friends) then she will contact you directly and ask you why you backed off. Now when I say back off dont get me wrong. When talked to, talk back with her have fun do whatever you normally do. But DON'T like go out of your way to do stuff for her. Make her realize that she needs to earn you or else she will trample you with these teases, like she already is. You are the man, now prove it. Make her feel like she needs to prove herself to you, you won't accept these crappy signals, you wont accept her being insecure to you about things that are not even your fault, you won't accept how she teases you about sex.

Also, if you do give her a bit more time and space maybe she will realize how much she misses you; how much she wished that you were here right now to talk with her cause she's really bored. This will definitely strengthen her feelings for you. Why? BECAUSE NOW SHE WILL WANT YOU MORE! What does that mean? THAT MEANS YOU'LL GET TO GO TO BED WITH HER.

So instead of answering every phone call, replying to every text message, hanging out whenever she says, and doing everything she wants, back off. Let one of her calls go, don't always reply, but definitely call back at a later time and say "hey sorry I was out cooking pizza in my backyard with my pet panda". This will make her realize how much she needs and cares for you and she will draw closer to you. Now this does not but any means mean that you ignore her. DO NOT IGNORE HER! Like I said don't always pick up the phone call back at a later time in maybe 30 minutes or an hour and see what she says; but don't always do that, actually pick up sometimes so that she doesn't think your a pain in the ass. If you think you guys are becoming too distant then start talking more again.

However, the climax of this is advice is that you want her to beg you to go to bed with her, make her want it more than you do. Make her realize your importance and that she needs you in her life because you are more "special" than the other guys. Good luck with this lucky lady and I certainly hope that you try this method out. I am certain that it will work, and if it doesn't than that means that she just doesn't care enough about you, sorry.

[Girlsgonewild]

Don't take my words as the it and end factors. However, I feel as if that she does not want to be in a relationship with you, rather she wants to be close friends. The question is not whether she is interested, it is how close friends does she want to be? If you think about it, she would not normally flirt with other guys if she was interested in you. Even if she WAS trying to make you jealous she would not do that. Furthermore, as you mentioned earlier, she is a tease and she has a lot of male friends. Now, I know she said that you were different than the other guys but I don't think that means that she wants to go into a relationship. I'm not saying its your fault at all, in fact you seem like a chill dude. But this girl seems to have some insecurities due to past boyfriends she may have had and stuff. The thing is, she just does not want to go through that same depressing feeling when another guy breaks her heart which is always inevitable; this concept is similar to how guys fear rejection or get scared when they think their girlfriend is hanging out with other men. Maybe give her time, back off and see how she feels for once?

Again I know that maybe my advice won't completely work but I have a plan that you could try out. It may or may not work but regardless you won't lose much. So, as you state she fancies the thought of you two in bed, however when you ask her to have sex she refuses. This is because she's scared that she will have to go through the same problems she went through with other guys after she slept with them (i.e. being dumped, the guy going with other girl, the guy breaking her heart). So how about instead of you asking, get her to ask.

For this you may have to keep a little bit of a distance from her in the beginning; pretty much if you just lay back a tad bit she will abruptly realize and if she has feelings for you (even as good friends) then she will contact you directly and ask you why you backed off. Now when I say back off dont get me wrong. When talked to, talk back with her have fun do whatever you normally do. But DON'T like go out of your way to do stuff for her. Make her realize that she needs to earn you or else she will trample you with these teases, like she already is. You are the man, now prove it. Make her feel like she needs to prove herself to you, you won't accept these crappy signals, you wont accept her being insecure to you about things that are not even your fault, you won't accept how she teases you about sex.

Also, if you do give her a bit more time and space maybe she will realize how much she misses you; how much she wished that you were here right now to talk with her cause she's really bored. This will definitely strengthen her feelings for you. Why? BECAUSE NOW SHE WILL WANT YOU MORE! What does that mean? THAT MEANS YOU'LL GET TO GO TO BED WITH HER.

So instead of answering every phone call, replying to every text message, hanging out whenever she says, and doing everything she wants, back off. Let one of her calls go, don't always reply, but definitely call back at a later time and say "hey sorry I was out cooking pizza in my backyard with my pet panda". This will make her realize how much she needs and cares for you and she will draw closer to you. Now this does not but any means mean that you ignore her. DO NOT IGNORE HER! Like I said don't always pick up the phone call back at a later time in maybe 30 minutes or an hour and see what she says; but don't always do that, actually pick up sometimes so that she doesn't think your a pain in the ass. If you think you guys are becoming too distant then start talking more again.

However, the climax of this is advice is that you want her to beg you to go to bed with her, make her want it more than you do. Make her realize your importance and that she needs you in her life because you are more "special" than the other guys. Good luck with this lucky lady and I certainly hope that you try this method out. I am certain that it will work, and if it doesn't than that means that she just doesn't care enough about you, sorry.

I hear you brother... thing is im tired of playing games. I know what I feel and I want a closure, a negative or positive one, so I can move on. For my own sake. We have already been thru, I dissed you, you rejected me, I told you what the deal is, you told me what the deal is, etc. It's going nowhere. Thing is that I see her automatically 3 times a week since were in the same class!

[Girlsgonewild]

And yes you are right, she doesnt want a relationship. Like, it doesnt matter for me aswell if were officially or not together. Aslong as were in a sexual relationship. And no this doesnt have anything do to with me, she just isnt ready for it. But I wanna make her ready for having sex with me. And at the same time I know there is only such much I can do. I feel maybe a little bit like that I have done everything I can... I just gotta wait her out. And if she chooses somebody else when thats just how the cookie will crumble. Were so close friends that playing games will just be confusing, for her but mostly for me I guess. So her birthday is coming up, Im gonna either try to kiss her or telling her how I feel, even though I dont belive in one talking their way into a relationship... it has to escalate to that point. But at the same time we are in charge of what will happend, we descide, not anybody else. It would just be much easier to ask" wanna ****?" "yes/no?" "ok than I know. IM CONFUSED.